Recovered, Finally!! Sort of

 It's been a long slow recovery from my T-CAR procedure. But I can finally say that I'm over the hump towards recovered from my procedure. It took the better part of two weeks to get my stamina back. I've just been recasted for my EIGHTH AFO in almost 9 years after the newest one broke bones in my foot again! SIGH! If I didn't need it to walk, I'd give up. So I', back wearing only my old (3rd AFO) again with no shoe. When I wear a shoe, my foot swells horrendously.

Interestingly enough, I got notification from Medicare that they have denied payment for that last AFO and Hanger can't bill me. So it should prove interesting how long they will work for free. Although they assure me they will make it right. No news yet on this newest casting payment. I knew it would happen eventually. So further treatments and adjustments are up in the air for now. I'm not trying to be unreasonable here. I just want to be able to walk post stroke without pain, pressure sores, nor broken bones. Is that too much to ask for? 

I'm so sick and tired of hearing every stroke is different and spasticity is an ongoing complication that I'm about to scream "Cop out." You know what the problem is. There's nothing new about it. Just fix the problem. I know I'm not the first. I surely won't be the last. Sure, I would make it easier on everyone except me and just stay in a wheelchair, but I refuse!

For the past month, I've seriously been considering a nursing home placement for me. But I'm too mentally aware for that. I've considered assisted living too. It would take every penny I get, and then some. I'm just at the point where, even with a roommate, I no longer feel able to live by myself. Yes, I've even looked into a senior living type housing. I'm tired of ending up on the floor and waiting for help. Of course a properly fitted AFO would go a long way in fixing this problem too. The waiting lists for these other options are long.

Does it sound like I'm frustrated?/ I am. It would mean leaving the lifestyle I love behind and preparing to die. Or at least that's how I see it. Am I really ready for that? No, not really. I still think of myself as young-ish and full of life. There are still things I want to accomplish in this life. I just have a body that's defunct. In reality, I've had a body that's defunct since I was 26 years old, but I've kept going and doing. I just know that if I'm going to continue living this lifestyle, I need a break for the good.

I told Hanger that they had this one final opportunity to make my AFO right. I've been more than patent. I've given them the seven years I've been here to fix my AFO issues to no avail and I'm still using the articulating, ill-fitting AFO that I started with. Now, that Alliance has opened up shop, I'll be going there next. I've heard nothing but praises for the tech over there. I have nothing to lose either.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Healing not Healed Yet Setback

Happy Easter and April Fool's Day rolled into one!

Just when I thought my foot was healed, I found out it's not the hard way. It's been a couple of weeks that my healing broken bones in my foot has virtually been pain free. What with the new AFO and rocker sole on my affected foot's shoe, I thought I was out of the woods. I've actually been pretty good about staying off of it. Even though it has felt better.

As it happens too often on the homestead, we had a calamity that took both of us to fix. A couple of the cattle panels that make up the roof of our rabbitry slipped their shelf. The brackets we had screwed in to hold it in place came loose. Thus the roof caved in on one side. But worse than that, the five male rabbit cages were attached to the cattle panels suspending them off the ground.

I said that I've been good and I have. I've only been out to the rabbitry twice since I broke my foot. So now, I looked at the five cages with rabbits in them tilted to a 45 degree angle. Those poor rabbits! I helped Mel by supporting the cages as she released the cables. It took both of us to lower the 15' section of rabbit cages to the ground so that they were level once more. Then we began transferring the bucks to the outdoor hutches on the other side of the house ( a good 80' walk each way). We removed the remaining screws from the rail which held the cattle panels and reattached them. Finally we zip tied the panels to the pallets so this wouldn't happen again. By  the time we finished all of this my foot was screaming at me. The old twisting knife pain was back. I don't know if I rebroke the original bones or new ones.

Now instead of brushing out these rabbits, we are going to have to shear them. We'll lose all that fiber. The reason- Broody(Gimpster) chicken and her sister had made their home on the tops of the cages. The hens like being on top of the cages because the roosters leave them alone. They just hop on  the straw bales we house in the rabbitry for easy access to the top of the cages. Now chickens aren't toilet trained. They go wherever they feel like it. Not to mention their feed and watering bowls were all up there with them.

We placed metal oil pan drop trays on top of the cages to catch all of it. Well, when the roof gave way, all those trays dumped into the buck cages dousing them with all that poop and everything else. Of course being rabbits, they couldn't get it off no matter how hard they shook themselves. The shaking only cause that poop and straw to get embeded further in their hair. The five bucks look pitiful! We would wash them but their fur is so fine that it would mat against their skin. So we lose a little over four pounds of fiber. At the selling price of $8 an ounce... you figure out how much this additionally cost us.

We've just chocked it up homesteading. Things like this happen in life when you least expect it. Living post stroke doesn't make it any easier. Recovering from broken bones and Mel's trigger thumb which is now reinjured also, just makes for a bad turn of events. We're in bad shape for the fast approaching springtime busyness.

So once again, I'm off my feet again. I will be helping Mel rehang the rabbit cages after some minor adjustments and a good cleaning. The bucks will return to the rabbitry after we shear them. Mel with her little scissors and me with my mustache trimmer.

It's kind of amazing that while I don't play well with scissors, I can handle a battery powered trimmer with great accuracy. The bunnies do tend to move more with the vibration, but I can hold them pretty securely by pinning them down with my affected arm. Except for their fuzzy ears and their nails, I can shear a rabbit without cutting them once unlike Mel with her scissors. Mel is responsible for their ear and nail care for all the rabbits.

While we're at it, a good cleaning of the rabbitry is in order. I'll do what I can, but it's going to up to Mel for most of the grunt work this year. The deep bedding needs to be raked out and piled up to decompose further. But I can scatter flakes of fresh straw under the cages scooting my rollator around once it's cleared.  If my broken foot has taught me anything, it's the need for a cleared and possibly a matted surface down the center of the rabbitry. I'm thinking the rubber mats like horse stalls have in them. They are 4x6 so four of them would work perfectly. We decided to expand the rabbitry another 4' long. We wanted a larger area for the rabbits to get sunshine and a "free-range" area that they would be protected in. The 3' section we currently have for this is taken up by food storage bins (plastic garbage cans). They hold the sprouting grains and seeds (corn, black oil sunflower seeds, barley, wheat and oats) and commercial, organic feed for both the chickens and the rabbits. We use the commercial feed as back up.

So while I'm still healing I'm taking it slow. In about a month, I'll be setting seed for the transplants to go into our straw bales. They've been "cooking" (decomposing) since October. Their centers should be full of composted material to feed the plants. Notice how I'm only mentioning things I can do while seated. I plan once again to be good. Hopefully, neither one of us have another setback in healing.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Arise and Walk Without Pain

This week seemed to be forever getting here. I am actually able to walk without pain! Let me revise that statement. I was able to walk short distances without pain. At least not the twisting knife in the foot pain I was in. I still have twinges when I climb stairs and am up on my feet too long. But, I'm giddily happy to be able to move again without pain.

But my foot is healing! At least that's what the pain reduction means to me. Or, it might be the new rocker sole on my shoe that takes the pressure off the ball of my foot. Or, it could be my new AFO. This new one takes in account the atrophy in the calf muscle, supports my ankle better, it has a non articulating ankle now since I can't dorsiflex anymore and plus has a build up on one side that adjusts my stance in a more natural way. Don't worry if the neurosurgery works, they can put the hinge back in.

Walking with the rocker sole took some getting used to. It felt awkward at first because I was walking on my heel rather than the ball of my foot striking the surface first. But instantly, there was relief in each step. I had to learn a new balance point than the way I was walking with my old shoes. Instead of tripping over invisible lint on the carpet with the toe of my shoe, it's now at the arch of my foot. The dreaded invisible lint will trip me up for several months to come before it will be put to rest. Don't you just hate that? But to me, it's a small price to pay for being mobile on two legs.

You gotta love doctors that will work with you rather ones that are captains of the ship. I wouldn't have any other kind. I hire or fire them, right? My primary care physician is no different. Other than my required twice a year wellness checks, I don't bother him unless I really need something. Sometimes, he's easier to access than my specialists (*ologists). This was the case with the order and documentation for my new AFO. I made the appointment and showed up three days later. First thing out of his mouth after "Hello" was "What do you need, Jo?" I like that.

After I explained what I needed and why, he examined my leg and AFO, my leg in the AFO while standing and walking. He's thorough and straight business jotting down high points on his notepad as he went. "This won't do. You have to have a new one. I'll be right back."

He was gone twenty minutes. I could hear him outside at the nurse's station dictating. He came back in with four sheets (single spaced!) of documentation that was required. We chatted about my kidneys and the up coming aneurysm surgery for a few more minutes and like I said before about my kidneys...nothing can be changed was the general conclusion. He'll just monitor the progress of the failure. When it gets bad enough, he'll refer me the another specialist.

That was it. All done except for dropping the paperwork off at Hanger Orthotics. I'm not going through that mess again like with my shoes last year. My doctor did add, if they need more information for them to call him. He'd write another chapter for them. He said the last ending with a throaty chuckle. Can you tell he's been around the block a few times in battling insurance companies and Medicare? That's what I love about older doctors, they know the ropes. I'm not opposed to holding their hand through the process, but it's refreshing to not have to.

Not bad scurrying about for a month, is it? Usually, the hurry up and waits catch up to me. I'm just thankful, it all fell into place before I broke some more bones in my foot. Spring is coming and our busy time in the garden and orchard. The rabbits need to get their close haircuts (shearing) before the weather becomes unbearable for them and we've already got one hen showing signs of broodiness. Now, I just have to get my stamina built back up to handle it all. Don't worry, I will.

After all...

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Still Dealing with Broken Bones

The mini saga on my broken foot continues. I've spent the last couple of weeks dealing with how to prevent this happening again. And maybe in the process, getting my foot to heal faster. Try as I might. I just can't be totally nonweight bearing on my poor foot. My lifestyle, home, and vehicle are not set up for it. I want to say at  this point, I'm so over this!

In the morning, I don my sock and AFO. At this point my foot looks normal. I hobble to the bathroom bearing weight on my heel build up. Little, sharp twinges of pain shoot through my foot as I rise from the commode telling me that my foot is still broken and it wasn't a bad dream. Because of not wearing a shoe with my AFO, my foot inverts with each step as much as the AFO will allow. So begins my day.

I hobble to my rollator sitting where I left it the night before...about ten steps from the bathroom door. I'll one legged roll it to my computer.I'll turn on my little electric heater. I'll read and answer my emails, scan the news, answer YouTube comments and play a couple of games on Pogo.com.  Pogo.com has two daily challenges in various games so I'm not constantly playing the same games which is nice.

I use the heater to take the morning chill off me. If I'm still chilly by the time I finish my computer work, I'll one legged scoot to the wood stove. Try as I might, I can't make a fire sitting down. There's paper to crumble, an intricate pattern of various sized kindling to lay, and wood to be lifted into the side of the wood stove. It's just barely 7 AM by this time. If I'm chilly, Mel will be freezing when she gets up. While the kindling and wood catches, I'll still be running my personal heater.

I'll sort through my morning and afternoon medications. My medications include Lasix, a potent diuretic.For the next three hours it's a race to see if I make it to the toilet in time. I was slow before living post stroke, but now it's ridiculous. It's a 50-50 shot whether I make it or not. I've gotten to where I keep an extra pair of panties, pants, and socks in the bathroom just in case. Yes, it's gotten that bad. The really bad part is none of the bathroom doors are wide enough for my rollator to fit through so I'm up walking again.

I'll fix Mel's pot of tea and breakfast while I'm up fixing mine. Thank God I make in advance breakfast and freeze it. I made a month's worth of pancakes, French toast, and waffles before I broke my foot. We also do a "big" breakfast for dinner about once a week: bacon, grits, eggs and toast. All I have to do each morning is heat it up and prepare the fruit. Like other people drink coffee in the morning, we've got to have our hot tea for the caffeine jolt. At night, it's a pot of decaffeinated Earl Grey.

After breakfast, I'm chomping at the bit to do something. I haven't seen the rabbits in a month! The rollator does not like the straw bedding in the rabbit barn. Same goes for the chickens in their coop. I've chatted with Little Red and Houdini (Hoo di hoo) as I come and go on one of my various trips out and about because these roosters are still free ranging to give the hens a break.

But I'm nonweight bearing so I spin plarn or wool, or knit for a while until I'm bored with it, and then, it's back to the computer again. And so goes my days.

That brings me to my latest quest...how to stop my foot from breaking again because of the spasticity and my AFO. I went to my brace maker. She cut the heel build up down by half. My contracted Achilles heel pulls a bit more but I can live with it. She also put a bar into the padding to keep the ball of my foot from striking so hard with each step and built up the side of my AFO so my inversion isn't so bad. She told me I need a new AFO. This one is only three years old and Medicare and my insurance only pays for a new one every five years. Caught between a rock and a hard place once again. She also suggested putting a rocker sole on the bottom of my shoe on my affected side. It would cost $40 and my insurance doesn't cover it. I'd have to leave my shoe with the cobbler for a week. It's a good thing that I bought a second pair of shoes. I've got one in the shop now. The second pair will go in when the first ones are done.

standard AFO

After my brace maker made the adjustments to my AFO, I was praying hard for a solution to my AFO problem. Although I could charge it to a credit card, I didn't want to. It's another bill added to a fixed income that I had to pay. Well, my prayer was answered. We'd fight the rule (again). But instead of my doctors starting a letters to get it qualified like last time, all I'd have to do is get my doctor to document the changes to my foot because of the spasticity. I could do that! I might mention here that my brace maker, the shoe place, and my PCP are all 30 miles away in a neighboring town. So I've been up and driving around too.

I've just have to hang on until May when I'm scheduled for my rhizotomy. If that alone doesn't markedly reduce my spasticity, I can do Botox again. It's now been nine months since my last injections. More  than enough time for the Botox to get totally out of my system. Maybe, it'll work better like when I first got them. At least that's what I'm praying for if I need Botox again. Maybe, I can again be making forward strides in stroke recovery again.

But this will be a busy year for me and doctors as if it hasn't been already.

At my cardiologist's office, I was greeted by the news that I now have three aortic aneurysms. One in my abdomen and two in the femoral arteries (in each leg). As if three bad valves and an electrical problem in my heart weren't bad enough. The arteries are bad enough that they have to be fixed or they'll rupture killing me. That's slated for sometime this early summer.

My yearly blood work showed some areas of concern mainly my kidneys. The tests showed moderate kidney damage/disease. So, I'm being watched for that. I know the culprits- A bad family history and the drugs I have to be on. I can't do anything about either, but pray. You know if it wasn't for my body working against me, I'd live on this Earth forever. But that's not going to keep me from trying. God willing.

Oh, and about my foot. When I go to bed at night, I pull off my AFO and sock. I'm greeted by my red, angry cartoon foot. You know the one where the swelling is so bad it looks like a balloon? Below the spandex support is rounded with swelling. My toes look like Vienna sausages wedged in those little tin cans. Well, I try to be nonweight bearing.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Killer Inactivity

Credit

For someone like me, inactivity is almost a fate worse than death.  It has never been my style. Just after my first stroke in the acute wing of the hospital, I was going nuts and that was only four days!

Now, a couple of weeks has gone by since I broke my foot. I'm definitely going insane. The pain in my foot has not abated. It isn't any better. Even the new x-rays show no healing. Absolutely none. So my forced inactivity continues and I'm bored. There's only so much Netflix, computer time, spinning, and knitting I can do. Coupled by a spell of warmer weather (60s), I wanted to be out in the outside and doing.

Do I sound whinny? I know I am. I should be grateful that more bones didn't and haven't broken. I am but not really. I'm yearning for my old life where I could escape for hours or days writing. That's how I survived the months after I broke my toes last time. I find myself complaining a lot, and that's not me either. But, I'm having a hard time stopping myself from voicing my frustration.

I may not be a diabetic anymore, but the diabetic neuropathy in my legs, and slow healing associated with diabetes continue on as if I was. So does the poor circulation to my lower extremities. It's maddening! You do everything right and it still kicks you in the hinny. It ranks right up there with post stroke spasticity.

Speaking of spasticity, I'm still in a holding pattern with Emory neurosurgery. The first appointment available is not until May! I know you were wondering.

I'm in another Catch-22 with my foot healing. The build up on the heel of my AFO causes more pressure on my lower foot. Thus it causes stress fractures from just walking with it. But I need the build up because of the Achilles tendon contracture. I can't even get therapy or do exercises to stretch my Achilles tendon, like I was doing, because of the fractures. I do alright, most days, with wearing my AFO only inside the house. But Lord help me when I have to wear a shoe. The pressure of the shoe sends me back to the initial pain. Pain levels to 9 or 10 out of 10.

Rethinking the Iwalk crutch. Ease of use with the Iwalk crutch is dependent on a normal gait and balance. It isn't recommended for anyone who has balance issues. Living post stroke, like I am, I do not have a normal gait or balance. I'm constantly stumbling on invisible lint on the floor. The terrain, where I live, is not level so I'm constantly stepping up and down on angles. Considering all that, my balance, though better than it was, is still not great and I'm still prone to fall.

That brings me to another point against the Iwalk crutch. To sit or drive, you have to take it off. That means undoing the three straps to take it off and redoing them and tightening them up again every time I got up. With two working hands and good balance, it might not be so hard, but for impaired me? Can you see me going to the store?  I'll get to my car, sit catty corner on the edge front seat (remember when you sit the crutch part is sticking straight out so the car door is a factor), drive to the store and do the same thing in reverse before even entering the store. I might mention here that on the plus side of this equation, all the buckles and adjustment straps are on the inside the thigh and calf (easier to access). You would repeat the whole process to go home. Even for someone without chronic fatigue this would be taxing. The only good thing is that I wouldn't need a motorized cart to shop with.

So basically, I sit at home. When I do go anywhere, like to therapy or the drug store, I'll painfully put on my shoes. The shoe adds to the pressure on the fractured bones. In the house, I'll just don my AFO only. (I know, I know. You're not supposed to)  I take my rollator to the car. But first I have to manhandle the rollator down three steps. Painful process. I manhandle the rollator into the back seat, pivot with my back to the van into the front seat of my van, and repeat the process when I get to therapy. I'd have to do the same with a knee scooter.Then again, it supposedly takes two hands to operate just like my rollator. But I manage okay so long as there are no drastic inclines or declines.

So that leads me back to killer inactivity. Mel is having to do everything and I feel about useless. I will occasionally cook.I can periodically put my weight on the AFO build up in the heel, but the spasticity on my foot causes my toes to curl under and my big toe to arch up. If I stand for too long the spasticity combined with muscle spasms which twists my foot and  put pressure on the fractures too. The strap on my AFO that prevents this cuts right across the fractures causing pain. I can stand bearing most of my weight on my functioning leg or sitting on the rollator's seat. Keep in mind that none of our cabinets or appliances are the right height. Being short, I'm about nose level to whatever I'm doing in the kitchen. Not exactly safe but it gives Mel a break. It also breaks up my boring day to day existence.

I do try to keep my brain active. I play games like Tripeaks and Scrabble on the computer, but after an hour of playing these, I  quickly get bored with these. I'll watch YouTube, but then I'll be chomping at the bit to do or try something only to be stopped by my foot.

Another three weeks til the next set of x-rays. But, I'm using pain as an indicator for amount of healing taking place. Mel keeps telling me that pain is associated with the bones knitting back together. I hope she's right. But having broken more bones than her, I fear she isn't. Meanwhile, I'm crossing my fingers. I'd cross my toes too if it didn't hurts so much.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival on Monday :)~ Less Tolerant with Age and a Rant

Oops, I forgot to hit publish so for this week Monday is the new Sunday.

As the years go by especially since my stroke, I find myself less tolerant of what comes out of the mouths of others.

That one line in the movie, Forest Grump... 

"Stupid is as Stupid Does"
Forest actually had more common sense in his damaged brain than normal people thanks to his momma.
It hits me in the face when I'm around other people. Is it any wonder that I prefer my own company rather than be around people? At least I know the cause of my stupidity. I've got brain damage.

Why do people think that the hardships they endured for a couple months with a broken arm or leg, entitles them to compare it to my paralyzed arm or leg? Can't they accept the fact that it's like comparing apples to oranges? It's like comparing a stubbed toe to a compound fracture.

I know first hand the trials of broken bones. I broke my wrist. Seven bones broken and/or dislocated. Six weeks total and the wrist was almost as good as new. I tore my Achilles tendon in my left ankle and spent fifty-three weeks in an air boot.

A post stroke paralysis and the spasticity cannot even compare to those. Time to healing cannot be measured in weeks but years if ever. Weeks are a drop in the bucket in comparison.

Sure with a broken limb, you might have had pain. You had the inconvenience of a cast or splint.  You had that unscratchable itch. You may have had the inability to do certain things or figured out a way to do them. BUT you knew it was only temporary. Eventually, your broken bones would heal and you'd be free to carry on with your life as before. That's the BIG DIFFERENCE.

As stroke survivors, we have no such assurance just a possibility and hope. Sure a broken limb my feel like forever but in reality it's a drop in the bucket of your life. Stop the comparison!