Sunday Stroke Survival: Waiting and Waiting Again

 

I'm aggravated. I often joke how God let my stroke happen to teach me patience, but no matter how true that statement is, it's still a work in progress for me almost 9 years later. I'm still waiting on Hanger to get back to me with news on my AFO. I'm hobbling around in my ill fitted brace and a broken foot. I can't stand longer than thirty minutes without the swelling of my foot to be unbearably painful. I can only walk short distances (50 ft) because the articulating ankle and the huge (2") girth distance my leg and the brace causes my foot and leg to rotate within the brace aggravating my pressure sore on the bottom of my foot again. 

Luckily it's winter and it's basically our "down time" for the homestead. So I don't have to tend a garden, critters, nor orchard. This will change in two months. I've called and left message to no call backs or been told "No news yet." 

Meanwhile, my Botox is wearing down so my therapist is getting less extension and having to work harder to get it. Even with dry needling, there's less carryover effects. But this doom and gloom report will be over with come the second week in March when I get the new series of Botox injections (plus a week before it kicks in). The good news is that they haven't had to go up on the dose yet. I've still got some range of motion in my shoulder so my pain levels are manageable. I truly wish my Baclofen pump hadn't been removed and COVID had never happened to delay my getting a new one (as do a lot of folks).

Do I sound whiny or have I just been on the pity pot too long this week? I'm just tired of waiting. I've tried being patient, but now the little stuff is starting to aggravate me. I have succeeded in not sweating the little stuff. Knowing it's ALL little stuff in the grand scheme of things. Except for this week. I see myself slipping back to my old ways of thinking (back when I was an alcoholic and junkie). It's a dangerous time for me and my sobriety I know this but have not been able to snap myself out of it. Maybe, this coupling with Valentine's day compounds my inability to cope. You see, thirty years ago my beloved asked me to share his life with with him on this day has something to do with it too. I'm just in a fragile state right now.

So pray for me for the next couple weeks if you can. I've never asked this of anyone before even though I know they do. And, thank you in advance.

Nothing is impossible.