Thursday Turmoil & the Indie Author

Today is Thursday and I'm on the downhill slide to the weekend. Not that a weekend is a big deal for me as an author. But today I find myself in turmoil.

tur·moil
noun
1. a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet


 It may just be the week I've experienced or the past few weeks catching up to me. I've had my ups and definite downs. I got to thinking last night about what has happened over the past year. A lot of good things and bad. I've been doing a retrospective. My tag line for this blog is...The ongoing insanity of my family, writing, and the world in general...I'd spend all my time writing if LIFE didn't get in the way.

This retrospect look came about when someone asked fellow authors about a bucket list. I don't have a bucket list. I do not have the time. Besides, I live everyday without regret. Life is too short for regrets. Forgive me if I lapse into a little melancholy here. My life is in a constant state of confusion, commotions, and disturbances.

• I have four children and soon to be eight grandchildren.
• I obtained a new granddaughter with my daughter's marriage.
• Two of my children are handicapable.
• 1 child was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor...given three months to live, but what do the doctors know, she's still with us.
• Helped all four of my children and grands out with financial difficulties including foreclosures and evictions...not to mention babysitting, school and sports events, etc
• I have a terminally ill husband who is on life support.
• Had part of my house collapse in storms including my roof.
• A water line leading to my house broken and then the well pump died.
• I have now a total empty nest having been both minister and mother of the bride AT THE SAME TIME! Not tumultuous? Try it sometime.
• My father-in-law passed away this summer.
• I've written, edited and self-published 1 espionage suspense novel, 1 suspense southern fiction novel, 2 children's series novel of five, 1 horror novel, and 1 short nonfiction about the business aspects of being and author. 
• I have marketed myself.
• I've edited 26 novels for other authors
• I've critiqued 115 chapters and/or novels for other authors
• I'm currently working on the sequel to the horror novel, a new southern fiction suspense, another espionage suspense, the full length author business manual, and the final three books in children's series.
• I also have two projects I'm ghost writing and another I'm co-authoring.

Have I boggled your mind yet? Just wait there's more.

Now on a psychological stress chart, I'm so far up in numbers it's a wonder I haven't splintered into a thousand pieces. I asked my doctor once what stress factor I could give up...he looked at my list and couldn't find one thing. I guess I could give up on writing and publishing, and the other authors I help, but for me it's a sanity issue. Without my writing each day, I'll go insane.

Have I boggled your mind yet? Just wait there's more.

Every morning I open my eyes and thank God I woke up. When you get to be my age just waking up in the morning is a blessing. I'll say my prayers which takes about an hour. Wake my husband for his morphine. He'll look up at me and smile. This makes the whole day just shine for me no matter what.

Now my days hinge on my husband. Nothing will throw a monkey wrench into plans than the power going off for me. It's a mad scramble to get my husband on his emergency oxygen, check his other systems and then call the power company to report the outage. Yes, we are on a priority restore list because of the life support, but still it can take about two hours. After three hours, I'm scrambling to call an ambulance to transport him to the hospital. How many times has the power gone of this year so far 24.

How many times has my husband had pneumonia this year so far...three times and it hasn't gotten cold yet. How many times has he been hospitalized in the past year, zero. There isn't anything that they can do for him there that I can't do at home and it is his ultimate wish to die at home surrounded by the things that matter to him in his life. It is also the greatest gift I can give him. Remember I'm a retired RN. This is a far cry from a few years ago when he had twenty hospital admissions lasting ten days of more within a year...over 200 days out of 365.

I know my sales would be better if I advertised "Buy my books" more, made more public appearances, and actually got out into community type activities, but the fact is I'm actually happy with my few hundred sales this year so far. With all that's going on in my life, I'm doing fabulous. Everyday I write a bit more of my nonfiction, "To Have and Let Go" which is about this journey my husband and I are currently on. Each day I think I need a break and thoughts of running away enter my mind. But still I stay in the turmoil and ride the waves of it on a giant surfboard...always on top of the wave and never swallowed up by it.

So what is your turmoil today?

Keep writing and loving the Lord.