My whirlwind of doctor visits has came to an end last week. Now, I'm just waiting on tomorrow to get into Hanger to get my newest AFO fixed. I had my botox injections last week and they are starting to kick in. Woohoo! It's so nice to be able to move my shoulder without the muscles contracting to the point of pain. Even my ankle is looser so there is less pain where the pressure sore was forming again on my right side of my foot from wearing AFO #3. It was the usual place that has been erupting and healing for nine years. The initial pressure sore was the size of a thumb nail (a nickel). With each eruption, the area gets larger and it's now the size bigger than a half dollar on my size 6 foot. I've officially lost count of how many I've had in the same area over the years.
I've always thought of my calves and feet as one of my best features. Not anymore. My right, affected, calf has shrunk with atrophy and has definite, deep indentions where the three straps have worn into the tissue after nine years of wearing AFOs. I have developed a nail fungus on my big toes so they are thick and grayish now. The AFO strap to control my toes with the spasticity has warped my toes. They are twisted with a definite lean to the right to combat my inversion. I have developed calluses where before I had none. I grimace when applying lotion each night. I hate taking my AFO and sock off at the podiatrist's office and at therapy. It's bad enough I have to see the price I pay to walk living post stroke. It hurts my pride. I know pride is one of the seven deadly sins, but still, but I'm still female. I might never have been a raging beauty, but I had shapely calves and feet. Well, I still do on my left leg. I guess I should be thankful.
This is a disturbing fact that other stroke survivors don't talk about. Or at least, I haven't read or heard about it. Is it just me? I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe others are so grateful about being able to walk post stroke that they are not concerned about it. I'd take a picture and show you, but I'm sickened enough by the state my leg is in. I don't want to sicken y'all too. I've been praying for God to take this heartbreaking burden from me.
It's official. I've put my name on two waiting lists for senior living apartments back home in south Georgia. It's looking like six months to a year until my name reaches the top. After speaking with a counselor, I'm still too independently able not require assisted living facility yet.
Getting older and being disabled is so-o-o much fun! Yes, that was facetious remark. Every day I search for things to be thankful for and most times... I succeed. But you couldn't tell it from this post.
Nothing is impossible.
The most important thing for me is staying out of a wheelchair.
ReplyDeleteRebecca, Amen to that!
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