Sunday Stroke Survival: Just What Are You Staring At?

Recently, Rebecca Dutton over at Home after a Stroke posted about being self conscious about her adaptive steps she has to take to just do and how it doesn't diminish her successes she's made in recovery post two brain stem strokes.  Stroke survivors have enough to be concerned with to have to deal with an ego jarring issue like this undermining them. This struck a cord with me and prompted this post. I thought I'd add my two cents worth on the subject. 

 In living post stroke, you run into all sorts of folks. You are almost paranoid that everyone is looking or staring at you. How do you know someone is staring at you? When you make eye contact with them they'll quickly look away. But then, there are folks that will hold the stare until you look away. The latter is just blatantly rude! I've run into a lot of them in the almost nine years since my first stroke left me with aphasia, PBA, paralysis, and spasticity.

First let me say that nobody depreciates me, or makes me feel less than me, except me. Many people have tried, but they run into my Taurean stubborn streak and they'll lose. For the first couple of decades of my life, I was rude, crude and socially unacceptable. I called a spade a spade and couldn't be swayed. When backed into a corner, I came out punching (both figuratively and literally). I've tempered with ages somewhat. Now, it's mostly mental snide comments, comebacks and other comments, but if I get really irritated or threatened the restraint is cast off. My mouth gets me into the worst trouble.😄

Living post stroke when you haven't recovered all your abilities, there is obviously something wrong with you to even the casual observers. If the staring goes on very long, you get irritated. Didn't their mothers teach them not to stare at others. It's impolite. All sorts of snide and snippy comebacks pop into my mind if I get irritated enough. Just what are you staring at? Hey! I'm walking here! You have a stroke and try it. Why don't you try living a day in my life and see how wonky you do things to get 'r done. Even the simple stuff, or would be simple with a functioning body takes thinking and planning before executing. What used to take five minutes to do now takes triple or quadruple time. Think hours or days to accomplish for somethings.

Take my new garden beds for example. The new garden will be on the third and fourth tier of the orchard. Each terraced area has a 5' drop. Short of traversing either way to the ends of the 75' rows to steeply sloped (about 45°- 60°), I'd need steps and handrails. They're on the to-do list. In the meantime, I'm taking my garden cart load of hay, compost, and/or wood chips to make the no dig garden. Yes, this is another gardening method to optimize a small space to produce more. This is labor intensive. It takes four cart loads of each for a 50' garden row and walkway/weed barrier. Not to mention all the cardboard that had to go down first. So far , I've managed the third tier  (4 planting rows per tier) in a month and a half. With a fully working body, it would have taken two weeks tops.  I'm not stopping mind you. Now three months, later it's all done. I'm just griping about living post stroke and doing.

Even to the casual overserve, the is something "not normal/" about the way I do everything post stroke. It's hard work for me to continue  Sometimes the look is a stare while they try to figure it out in their mind as to why it's so strange.  Sometimes, they continue to stare out of curiosity. Most times, I don't mind it. because I've figured it out and I'm living my life post strokes and sill doing. Sometimes it's therapeutic like with a new strokee to show them new ways to regain some of their independence. Other times, it may be a family member of a strokee unbeknownst to me until confronted. I have no problem confronting a stranger staring at me if it goes on too long. <Wicked, evil grin> 

It won't stop me from what I'm doing or make me downgrade my pride of figuring out how to live my life post stroke.  My struggles to do are too great to let anyone take that away. Everything I relearned has taken me hours, days, weeks, months or even years to achieve. I work very hard at being able to do. Can I do everything I once could? Nope, of course not but I haven't tried to do everything I once did. I guess I'm just built stubborn that way. I'll struggle with something for hours before admitting defeat this time...like the bad fall I had a few weeks ago.

Some things just get set on the back burner while I take the easier route and ask for help because it's easier and faster... like opening a can with a manual can opener. Yes, Barb, you told me how. It's just faster and easier to ask my roommate to do it. Yes, I can lift a 50# bag of animal feed or anything, but I don't unless I absolutely have to.  There have been quite a few times over the years even with living with someone else that I've  had to.

So do I care that someone is staring at me because I'm doing things differently than they do it? NO! I'm a rebel and a leader. I won't be cowed by anyone except for God. I'm making my way through my life the best way I know how. So either follow or step out of my way because I'm coming through.  If you are a fellow strokee or family member of a stroke survivor, introduce yourself. I'll gladly talk to you and show you.

For the rest of you...Stare at me if you like I've found the method that works for me for the goals I've set for me. Just know that if you were my child, I'd box your ears for being rude! No matter how old you are.

Nothing is impossible.