Sunday Stroke Survival: Being Content, But Striving For More

Other people look at me and hear my story, and wonder how I go through life with a smile upon my face. I'm content with my lot in life even living post stroke. My inner peace shines through no matter what the circumstances. But like y'all I do battle with contentment versus striving for more.

How can I say I'm peaceful and content in my life,but want more? My faith bolsters me. I can have a peace filled spirit while I'm waiting for the more to happen. I don't stress the small stuff. I hear your retort. Surviving a stroke is a life altering event. It truly it's an upheaval enough to knock you off you feet. But not only that, but it can destroy you financial security, where and how you live, and your relationships with others. I'm not discounting that it isn't, but it's a drop in the bucket when viewing your whole life past, present, and future. It's small stuff or like I'm often saying, a bump or detour in the path of your life. Also taken from God's perception, it's small stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff.


What we are going through is difficult. Is that too much of an understatement? Life is a major challenge. It's how we face the challenge that's important. Before our strokes, we were like hamsters on a wheel. We went about our daily routines on a straight path where we thought our lives should be going. Then, you have a stroke and nothing is the same. You start questioning how your life got to this point. There really isn't an easy answer why this happened at this point in your life. Surviving a stroke isn't the easy way to live, but I'm not telling y'all anything new.

So how do you get to a point of inner peace and contentment? Attitude has a lot to do with it. It's how I maintain mine. Attitude is not an overnight achievement. It takes practice and being pig headed (another attitude adjustment) enough and commitment to follow it through. A lot of us commit, but fall short in the long run. Need proof? It's March, How many New Year's resolutions have you cast aside so far? We tend not to do the hard things or we have difficulty doing very long. We tire of the challenge.

I'm lucky in this. I take commitments very seriously. As such everything requiring a long commitment takes me a long time to make the decision to do or not do.But once I commit, it's set in stone. Yeah, I'm stubborn as a mule that doesn't want to go. It's a character fault to many, but it's my saving grace. I'm a firm believer in choice. I have the choice to do or not to do. There are consequences to either choice. There are always consequences either good or bad. As I say, it's attitudes That protect my inner peace and contentment and I guard it greedily.

In striving for more, I'm extremely careful not to trod down my equilibrium (my inner contentment). My faith is at the heart of it. A firm and unyielding core that cannot be shaken. Information filters in, my own research with the help of others, loosely based on physicians (because they are only human), and a lot of prayer. Decisions are weighed by pros and cons before action is taken.

Then, I venture forth. I'm armed with knowledge. I'm armed with commitment. I'm armed with a sense of purpose. All along this path of striving for more, I'm checking on my inner core of of inner peace and contentment. "You okay?" If I get the all clear, I forge ahead. If I get a shaky response, I'll analyze the problem. I'll figure out what's wrong and detour slightly to the corrected path.

For example last year, I was centered on getting a rhizotomy to help reduce the pain and effects of my post stroke spasticity. The roadblocks and hurdles were jumped only to find it would be 2020 before it could be accomplished. I won the bat, would spend the next year in pain with everything being in limbo. I wanted faster relief from it all. So I embarked on the journey for this year, the spinal cord stimulator.  It won't be a quick fix nor a cheap one ($20K), but it could be sooner. I have the required MRI and pysch profile this week. The test runs could be as soon as the end of March. I'm hopeful that the device can be placed and regulated by the end of April if it works. If it works well, I may not need the more invasive rhizotomy and still start to make forward progress in stroke recovery again.

I still haven't given up on my recovering as much as I can from my strokes. It's almost part of my inner peace and contentment goals. I still may get there in time. Each inch of recovered ability is hard earned. It is cherished as never before. Each ability, gained even if it in a round about way, is refined until it becomes second nature (like my spinning wool, cooking, or knitting).

The key to being content, but striving for more is knowing yourself. Even developing a new attitude or two.

Nothing is impossible.