With the hindsight bias, you can look at the situation clearly in calmer times. You can play devil's advocate and what if games til the cows come home. What could I have done differently in this particular situation? Absolutely nothing. I did the right thing.
Yes, I could have jump in when I realized the woman was seizing. We would have both ended up on
the ground. I could have been injured too making two patients rather than one. I could have jumped in, both fallen, but it could have saved the woman from the gashing head wound...possibly. I chose the best choice in milliseconds. I'm kind of proud of myself that I still have this ability. I chose to get the attention of someone who could act and help. Pat yourself on the back, Jo. Ya done good. You deserve it.
What could I have done differently to circumvent my aphasia. In reality...nothing. My adrenaline was already coursing through my veins when I realized this woman was seizing. I knew she would fall and my body would not/could not respond, thereby causing added stress. Anyone with aphasia will tell you that stress is the enemy in outward communication. The stress could be simply tired from too much input into the brain, or in this case, an emergency situation. I still tried to make sure everything was done right, even though my words (and body) failed me. I knew what was the best way even though I couldn't express it.
My choice left me with feelings of helplessness, frustration, and anger because of my stroke. This was to be expected. The reality of what I really can't do anymore struck me in the face like a physical blow. Not too many situations do that to me after living six years post first stroke. I live a very controlled life. I may run across a few things I can't do yet, but with time, I figure out a way around my inadequacies or impairments. In an emergency situation, time is a luxury you don't have.
So the luxury of hindsight bias becomes a learning tool. To prepare me for the next time it happens. Honestly, there may never be a next time, but I always remember my mamma's sage advice, "There will always be an again." It may not be exactly like the last time, but there always is an again. So being prepared, I may not be so overwhelmed by these feelings so harshly the next time. I have the luxury of time to analyze the situation from afar. I can look at all the pieces of the puzzle and put them together properly and prepare. This cannot be stressed enough. It's also comforting. I can give myself a pat on the back. This too is important aspect of self esteem. It's too easy to hammer your self worth into the ground after surviving a stroke. Been there. Done that. Still doing that.
I realized in hindsight of the given event, I did exactly the right thing. Have I said it too often? I'm hammering in the self worth. It conquers my feelings of frustration, helplessness, and anger I was feeling. See how it works? I'm no longer kicking myself for doing nothing. I was mentally supervising the woman's care even though I wasn't physically in action doing it. It was all I was capable of doing. It could have just making lemonade out of the lemons the stroke took from me, but I'm also coping. Sure, I'd have rather be doing it, wouldn't everyone? This was an emergency and I would be in the way hampering rescue efforts.
So now, I'm mentally playing the what if game. What if something like this happened to Mel on our homestead and it was just me there. Days can go by before we see another soul. Cats, dogs, rabbits, and chickens can do nothing to help. What would/could I do? How can I be prepared?
Well for starters, I will do whatever is necessary. That goes without saying. But, there are other things I can resolve to do. I'll begin to carry my cell phone in my pocket all the time. That way I can reach out and call for help. Sounds simply, right? When working in the garden or orchard, it's not always convenient to have that bulky thing in the pocket, but I'll make the sacrifice. I'll just have to make it a habit. Hopefully, we won't be in a "no service" part of the property.
I'll stick a bandana or handkerchief in my back pocket. It may not be large enough, as in the case of the woman, but it's better than nothing. I usually carry a hand towel in my basket or cinch it to my gardening belt. It's sweaty work in the Georgia sun too.
Two little things to make a habit of to prepare for medical emergencies here. Yes there are probably more things I can add, but I'm trying to address the ABCs of first aid (airway, breathing, circulation). For me, It's airway, bleeding, and calling for help. While I can perform CPR one handed, I'd rather not or as little as necessary, so calling for help is essential. And, depending on where I'm at, I may not be able to get myself up.
It's the little things like these two changes can mean the most in an emergency situation. Hindsight is a very useful tool used this way. By taking the time to figure out what to do in a given situation gives me an action plan. That is power and control.
Nothing is impossible.
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