Words to Live By After a Stroke or Just Because

I ran across this quote the other day and thought it was a good mantra for stroke survivors too. They should be words to live by living post stroke. Too many of us forget it can always be worse.

"I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual...O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment."

 ~ Henry David Thoreau

This struck a cord with me and I'll tell you why. As stroke survivors, we lament on what we've lost opposed to what we have. Granted, you may think that your life may have been better prior to your stroke. I know I do. But even setting aside that thought, are you wasting time living in regret or what could have been?

Are you enjoying your life now? Are you really living it? I know my answers to these questions. It's a resounding, "YES!" I'm not only living my life post strokes, but I am reveling in it. This thought struck me as I was planting tomato plants in our garden a couple of weeks ago. The day was beautiful. I looked up at the canopy of new leaves on the trees. A gentle breeze caused a calming rustling sound as I dug into the straw bales and nestled each plant into their new homes. Buzzing bees darted to and fro pollinating the flowers and collecting their nectar. It was one of those sunny days you would want to sit on your porch swing and just enjoy. I was thinking, life doesn't get any better than this. I'm enjoying being on this earth to experience this.

Yes, I'm still a stroke survivor. Yes, I still have physical impairments.  But moments like these are meant to be enjoyed to rejuvenate the soul in what God has provided. Reveling in the awesome rebirth of life after winter. I noticed the clover that is rampant in our yard. This year, the three leaf wonders are half a dollar sized. They are huge with large puffy flowers. My rabbits love them. I'm too busy pulling up huge clumps of them for them that I'm not looking for a four leafed one for luck.

I tend to notice clover more in remembrance of my Irish descent husband. At my old homestead we grew clumps of red shamrocks just for him to enjoy each year. We never found a four leaf in the red variety, but we were still lucky to have each other and happy. But beyond that, clover enriches the soil as ground cover. Farmers pay good money for seed to do what God supplies naturally here.

So if you aren't living your life post stroke enjoying the glory of being alive, stop and look around. Enjoy the splendor that still is yet for you to own and enjoy. It is said that little things that means the most. It's true. Stop focusing on what you have lost and enjoy what you have each day. It may not seem like it is enough or the same as before your stroke, but there is little enough enjoyment experienced by "normal folk." Grab what you can, whenever you can, and do it often. You'll be richer for it. It's a wealth you can't take to the bank, but it's free if you just look.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: I've Got a Herbie!

While most normal folks out there have a regular vacuum cleaner to clean messy floors, I ain't got one of those new fangled devices. I got a Herbie. He doesn't need batteries or even electricity.

Herbie is our pet dog. He takes care the house while Nnyus is our indoor/outdoor dog. Herbie is also the last remaining male of our household pets. He  works as well as any vacuum cleaner on the market for picking up messy spills.

Herbie is a terrier mutt. Nearest I can tell, he's a mixture of black and gold border terrier, a Yorkshire terrier, and something else. He's got the attitude like most terriers. Terriers are either timid or they think they are a big dog in disguise. They are either hyper or laid back. They will shy away from confrontation or will be argumentative. Herbie has a big dog mentality, hyperactive where food is involved but laid back the rest of the time, and confrontational. They also tend to have skin issues. He's no exception.

Waiting for me to drop something

It's hilarious to watch him get up in the face of the neighbor's two Rottweilers. He'll jump and nip at them. He knows no fear. I'll bet just one of these dogs could snap him in half with their massive jaws, but Herbie won't back down. They usually head up the driveway for home with no incident. I imagine they are laughing at the little dog as they go. Herbie will trot proudly up on the porch because he protected his domain and his ladies.

I came onto the scene two years ago and turn this little dog's world upside down. Mel inherited this dog upon her mother's passing. As a dog trainer, she trained him the regular dog commands. He's actually a smart dog. She couldn't break his argumentative behavior. He would argue (growls, barks, and gruffles) about any command he didn't want to do before he complied. Then here comes Jo, who's owned and trained terriers. Herbie was shocked that I spoke terrier. I understood him. I knew that killing them with praise was better than shouting. To Mel's surprise I could pet him without him growling at me. He growls or gruffles even if he likes something. Or at least, he did until I arrived here.

Waiting for me to get home

He's become my constant companion over the past two years. In a previous post, I mentioned some of his antics. He loves that I cook and preserve food stuff. If I'm in the kitchen, Herbie is right there with me. He sees me take out my Ulu and cutting board, and he waits. Something always falls when I'm cutting up food. It doesn't matter what, he's game for sucking up the mess no matter how small. Eggs, sugar, flour, vegetables, fruits, and meats are his favorite. Did I leave anything out? I haven't found one food he won't eat. Maybe onions, he will play with it a bit before eating it. Most dogs don't eat kimchi because the way I make it, it's super spicy. He loves it. He'll gobble it down without a moments hesitation. Of course within a few moments he's dashing to the water bowl, but soon enough he's back begging for more.

still waiting

This morning was a prime example of why I have a Herbie instead of a Hoover. I fed the dogs, and then fixed myself a bowl of cereal. As I was making my way to the breakfast table, my affected foot caught on an electrical cord. I lost my balance and hit the floor. My bowl of cereal went flying. It landed on the carpet so it didn't break the bowl, but cereal and milk formed a 5' area of mess. Herbie was at my side in an instant. He'd finished his breakfast and came to check on me on the floor. "Get it, Herbie." And sure enough, after five minutes there wasn't a speck of cereal or milk on the floor. Meanwhile, I spent that time getting up off the floor and poured myself another bowl of cereal. That little dog's stomach was so full between his breakfast and my first one that he didn't even venture towards Nnyus' bowl. She always leaves a couple of pieces of dry dog food in her bowl for him.

Two weeks after his spring shave

After a whirlwind trip around the property, he is lying beside me as I type this. Napping but ever vigilant for me to make any movement of getting up. If I swing my feet around, he'll move out of the way. His "me first attitude" has been dampened by me because I could be going anywhere. He'll wait until he knows the direction I'm going and speed dashes four steps ahead and waits for me to catch up before he does it again. There are times I tell him where I'm going and he'll do the hurry-up-and-wait or he'll get behind me and nip at the heels of my unaffected foot to urge me faster.

He divides his time fairly evenly between Mel and myself during the day. When he wants to race and rough house, he's with Mel. When he wants loving or companionship, he's with me.

Herbie has the bad side of terrier skin. He will periodically break our in sores or chew a sore spot. We shave him almost bald each spring and late summer. While he had a nasty habit of nipping Mel's hands while she did this, he had yet to do this to me. All bets are off when clipping his nails though, he hates for anyone to touch his paws. I mixed up some essential oils just for him. Now I just have to show him the bottle while I'm shaking it. "You want some?" He'll gruffle but come towards me with his tail wagging. He'll practically rub my leg like a cat in anticipation of the application. He'll growl and complain when I rub it on him, but his tail will still be wagging. Between the essential oil synergy and the jojoba oil base, his skin issues are no more. I mix this up in an 8 oz bottle and apply it a couple times a day.

Now, it's off to the garden. "Come on, puppy. Let's go!"
He looks up at me sleepily and gives a soft growl as he moves out of my way. Then, he's up and racing me to the door.

Nothing is impossible.

About Additional Postings, Apple Trees, and Rain

You might have noticed a few extra posts each week that doesn't bear the SSS header in the title. I normally write these Sunday Stroke Survival blogs in advance. Sometimes a month or more in advance as the muse strikes me. Things crop up during that time that I think you might want to know like troubles with my AFO and exciting doctor visits that I can't wait until Sunday to tell you so there are extra posts.

I know some of you have caught on, but some of you have not. So much can happen in just a week. When you can have three appointments in one week, or a long awaited appointment happens.

A lot of the time living post stroke, it can be a major brain search to find a topic to write about. It all seems the same day in and day out. Weeks and even months can go by with nothing newsworthy happens. This particular blog has been here since May 2010, but my previous blog began in 1993. So I've been blogging for 25 year! That's a whole lot of blogs and information passed on. I'm amazed that I still have anything to say.

Living post stroke is as exciting or as boring as I want it to be. Sometimes, it's nice to be bored. As it stands there's very few boring moments on this homestead. After a hectic two weeks of getting all the plants  and seeds into the garden before the rains, we were looking forward to a few easier rainy days.

We didn't plan on planting apple trees this year, but I found three trees of clearance. All three trees cost me as much as one tree full price. It was a deal I couldn't pass up. So I brought them home. A full day was taken up me with a shovel and Mel with a pick axe digging holes in the orchard for these trees. Then it was gather rabbit poo and straw to go inyo the holes before the trees. I like to halfway fill the holes with eater before I put the trees in. Twelve gallons of water later, we put the first tree in the ground, then the second, and the third. The four foot metal stakes I had bought for the tomato trellis staked the trees upright. Best made plans and all that.

Not all the herbs got planted before the rainy days happened. We still sat on the porch swing and watched the droplets fall. Satisfied with what  we had accomplished. It wasn't until we heard a crash inside and we investigated that the roof was leaking inside. The crash we heard was part of the ceiling falling. Well, we had intended on being bored for a few days while it rained. Sigh! During a break in the heavy rain fall, Mel climbed up on the roof and laid out a tarp. I'm no use on ladders so it was all up to her.

The rains won't stop for a week to see what repairs have to be done on the roof. Inside, I'm making a list of insulation and plywood that needs to be purchased, hung, and painted. The dollar signs are adding up again. Because it is one great room, the living room, dining room, and breakfast room the whole ceiling needs to be redone. The monies I had set aside to gravel in the new car park will be going to the roof and the ceiling now. This will be this year's summer job instead of pressure cleaning the outside of the house and getting rid of the ugly, dark chocolate brown trim and porch. I've wanted to do this for two years. Now, it'll be three years until it's done. As far as I know, the fall renovation project of ripping out the 1980s carpeting out is still on track. But then again, who knows.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Adaptive Gardening Revisited

Adaptive gardening can only take you so far. If you are like us, we depend on the production of our garden to supply us for the whole year. We use a variety of planting methods. Some are adaptive and some are not.

This year we are focusing on building up new sections of the garden area. We laid wood chips in a thick layer. Then, we laid down cardboard. On top of it all, we placed straw bales. Hopefully in a season or two, we'll have a foot or more new, rich, composted soil over the hard, compacted red clay and granite rocks in which to grow vegetables in.

Straw bale gardening is another adaptive gardening technique. But for us, I'm not talking a dozen straw bales. I got fifty of them. As I said, our garden needs to provide a year's worth of vegetables for us. Each row around the perimeter of the garden took 10 bales a side in a trapezoid shape. This is all new ground for the garden. It was previously a rough driveway of sorts. Now, with the new driving areas graveled in, we've got a definite borders to the garden besides just a fence.

While planting or transplanting these bales, would be a classic adaptive or handicapable garden, the interior of the garden is the standard row planting. Unlike the previous year where I misplanted some crops in low raised beds that should have been elevated, this year I'm actually mapping it out before I plant. I know what I need to plant where.

I'm also not listening to Mel this year. Her idea of walkways between rows and mine are feet apart . Her ideal walkway between tomato plants is 2' when actually with the sprawling growth, tomatoes really need 4' between rows. I just really have difficulty managing to weed and harvest in that narrow of a row spacing. My toy box won't fit between the rows once the plants reach full maturity. We are still growing potatoes in tires. Old tires are easy to manage. It's upcycling although there is some concern about toxicity of old tires. We roughly get 50 lbs of potatoes a year and that is just about right for the two of us to consume. I just throw another tire on the stack and compost as it rows. I usually stop mounding tires and compost when I get five tires stacked. That's roughly 5lbs of potatoes for each tire. We usually do two tire towers for 50 lbs. To harvest, it's simply removing the tires one by one and pulling the potatoes out. The soil can be mixed with new compost and it's recharged for the next plants.

After the initial potato harvest, I'll stack and fill the tires two high for sweet potatoes or onions. Some of the tires I'll leave as singles and plant spinach or lettuces in them. I do like my gutter planters for lettuces though. I can pick micro greens to my heart's content. Gutter planting works best on quick harvesting like salad greens. They aren't deep enough for standard crops. They also tend to dry out quickly so close and careful monitoring is essential. I've wated videos on using this technique for strawberries, but when I attempted it I found the soil depth too shallow for an abundant harvest.

If you are only raising two or three tomato plants a raised bed is dine, but this year we'll be plant a minimum of 25 plants between Roma paste tomatoes and Cherokee blacks. The same goes for other vegetables too.  For seedling planting or seeds, I carry two sticks. One is 6" long and one is 3' long. Can you guess why? The 6" stick is for elevated raised bed planting. Out beds are only 3 1/2' wide. It's an easy reach to the center of the beds. The 3' stick is for ground level planting. It's also a substitute cane if I need it. I use a lot of different things in the garden that can substitute for my cane; a rake or hoe works wonderfully. I can get pretty creative when it comes to my mobility issues and doing what I want/need to do.

 I say that living post stroke has been an adventure. In a way it has been a great blessing. A blessing?! I hear y'all now wondering how anyone would consider surviving a stroke is a blessing. "Jo, you've stepped off the ledge and are free falling into the crazy zone!" My response is still, it's a blessing. Hear me out.

• I have met many wonderful and supportive people since my stroke. Ones I may not have met otherwise.
• In spite of all that I lost in abilities, I've found new and creative avenues to enjoy that I may not have tried if it weren't for my strokes.
• I'm thinking more outside the box to achieve what I want out of life. Admittedly, I've always thought outside the box, but now it's extreme and I love it.
• Through the frustrations in attempting to live my life post stroke, I've developed a more patient attitude. See, God, it's working.
• Through my pain, I have a deeper compassion and empathy for others than I had before. I can relate more on a one by one basis.
• Through my limited ability, doors or windows open that were closed shut before.

Every experience is an opportunity for learning. You can either embrace it and get on with your life, or stew in despair. I never would have thought that adaptive gardening was a way to be self sufficient before my strokes. My strokes opened my eyes to a new way of being self sufficient and productive that I wouldn't have thought of before.

Sure, adaptive gardening techniques are for small time gardeners. But sometimes, the end results can be greater than you first thought. I'm still trying to get back to the production levels here as I had on my old property. It will happen. It just takes time. I'm patient. Hear that God! I'm being patient.

Nothing is impossible.

Neurosurgeon Update

At long last,  I had my consult with the functional neurosurgeon. I've only been trying to get in to see him for 8 months! If you remember I had to go through Emory's Stroke team first.

I spoke at length to his assistant. He in turn spoke to Dr Boulis before he came in to see me. Dr Boulis and I reached common ground very quickly. I could see the gears turning in his mind for the best possible outcome. His assistant had already performed the spasticity assessment and preliminary exam. To nobody's surprise, I was ranked severe. I've been this way for months. I'm now 10 months since my last Botox injections.

I simply said, "I'm broke. Fix me." In my mind, I was doing my Austin Powers imitation. "I want it all. Yeah, Baby!" I wasn't afraid of the pain of recovering from surgery, nor hard work entailed to get what I wanted. I never have been.

He nodded his head and asked me which was more important pain relief or recovery. I answered back
with both. The only way to fight spasticity is to strengthen the weak muscles and I wanted a fighting chance. He said he was impressed by this answer. It proved to him that I had given this a lot of thought. I explained to him that I'd read almost every report on spasticity in the past three years including some of his. I even mentioned his TEDMED talk in Washington, DC. It was about the battle that goes on between the neurosurgeon, the patient, biotech, and the FDA. Pretty interesting stuff, but I digress.

The thing about the rhizotomy is the prolonged recovery time, at least a year between the surgery and  reteaching the body. So if he did a dorsal rhizotomy to my lumbar spine, it would be a year or two before he could do the cervical/thoracic one and vice versa. Especially since I'd already spent six years in this fight. I had confessed to him that I was tiring of the fight for recovery post stroke. I'm still in physical therapy and looking for answers after six years post stroke, for God's sake!

He first did the "do no harm" speech and explained he didn't want to make it worse. I lifted my affected arm the 4" away from my body for emphasis. That's how much voluntary movement I have in my affected arm with the spasticity. "Worse than this?"

He had to admit that it couldn't get much worse. That left the leg. While I've lost the ability to dorsey flex and evert my foot at will because of the spasticity, it still keeps me ambulatory. Sure, I'll stumble over invisible lint, or fall, but I'm still moving under my own power. The new new AFO is correcting my odd gait issues. I again imagine I'm seeing the gears move in his brain and the light bulb goes off. A Baclofen pump for the lower limb would work better than the oral medicine. Both surgeries could be completed within a year.

Then I dropped the bombshell. First one, and then the other. I told him about my aneurysms and about how my heart reacts to anesthesia. I half expected him to run out of the room screaming, but he didn't. Now, it was my turn to be impressed. No sense in doing the rhizotomy before the aneurysm is fixed. If it blew, I'd be dead. That would have to wait until after cardiology gave the all clear for me to be off my blood thinner for three weeks. But the Baclofen pump trial could be done to see if it works on my ankle and foot spasticity. I would only have to be off my blood thinner for a week prior to that surgery. I would also have to be cleared by the Emory heart team prior to the rhizotomy. It's just Emory covering their butts, but I understand it. They don't know my cardiologist or my vascular surgeon.

Tomorrow, I'm calling my cardiologist first thing. It's time to get this ball rolling. My hope is renewed and very much alive after this appointment. At the very least, it's a positive action plan.

Nothing is impossible.