Sunday Stroke Survival: It's Overwhelming!

How many times have you looked at your to-do list and just felt overwhelmed? It feels like you are drowning and you haven't even started yet.

Before my stroke, I was a master juggler. I could do it all. I'd turn mountains of receipts into concise profits and loss statements and do the tax returns for multiple sole proprietorships, partnerships, and corporate entities. Tune the tune of 250 returns a year. At the same time, I'd write multiple books every year, run my own international consulting firm, and care for a family of four or more depending on how many grandkids were around. I didn't feel overwhelmed at all. I had it made until two life altering thing happened. My elder in-laws moved to town and my husband's illness became worse. I still was a master juggler. I kept track of everyone's medications and doctors appointments including mine. I prepared meals to go around, clean and organized everything. I still wasn't overwhelmed by it all. I was Superwoman, Supermom, and Wonder Woman rolled up in little, old me.

And then, I had my first stroke and my second. A screeching halt to not being overwhelmed was the price I paid with them. Everything went into overload to my healing, damaged brain. Instead of handling everything, it became one job at a time. And, I still felt like I was drowning.  By now, the children were grown and my in-laws had passed. God knew I couldn't cope with the extra burdens.

Family get-togethers of more than three people was overwhelming. A load of dishes to wash (even if it was for two people) was overwhelming. A conversation with more than one person was overwhelming. Trying to organize the chores list like cleaning the bathroom was overwhelming. Taking a phone number was excruciating overwhelming without having the other party repeating the number four or five times. Life was/is too complicated.

After almost six years since my first stroke, I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but it hasn't. This from a person who flew across the country for a movie premiere, has talked to numerous groups about living post stroke, buried her husband, and uprooted herself from her previous life to follow her dreams. I have two definite coping skills I use every single day...my stubbornness and my ability to use math. I may not be able to add, subtract, multiply and divide worth a hoot any more, but stay tuned how I used my math skills to cope.

My stubbornness is basically self explanatory.  I refuse to ask for help as a first option. I raised my children to be problem solvers because I was one. They couldn't ask for help until they tried at least twice before they asked for help. Could I do any less? No, I'll try six or seven times. What can I say, I'm an overachiever still even if it's in my own mind.

To establish macro to micro vision, it's simplifying every task. As all of us learned in every math class we ever took, I hear y'all groaning out there.  Break the problem down to the smallest components, and then work the problem. Small things are easy to accomplish. Do those first.

Take a sink load of dirty dishes.

Example: Not my kitchen!

We don't wash dishes every day. There's only two of us so it takes a few days for this amount of dirty dishes to pile up unless it's a heavy cooking day. But when it does my overwhelmed factor kicks in. I've got only two choices: leave it and it gets bigger, or do it.

You simplify the overwhelm into doable. So I'll break it down to the simplest elements. All the silverware and cooking utensils goes into a mug or dirty pitcher. All the individual plates and bowls get stacked. Dirty pots are stacked on the stove as an extended counter. You get the idea. Now my sinks are empty. I'll clean them first. I'll fill one sink with hot soapy water. The other is left empty. I don't look at the huge piles of dishes, I just focus on the silverware. I'll empty the jug into the sink. Then I'll throw all the plastic containers and glasses into the sink. Grease sticks the worst to these so they get the hottest water and the strongest amount of soap. The silverware and cooking utensils soak while I wash up the plastic and glassware. These are put soapy dishes in the empty sink. Then I'll tackle the silverware and utensils. Once the empty sink is full, I'll rinse them all under hot water. I'll use my dishwasher racks to hold them all to dry. By using hot water only to rinse them, the glasses and flatware dry without spots. Pretty neat, huh?

Next comes the mugs and small stuff, dishes and bowls. By this time, the wash water is pretty dirty so I'll drain it and run a fresh batch of soapy water for the pots and lids. When stacking the dishes in the dishwasher, by doing it this way, I fill the top section first, and as  the dishes get larger, I'll use the bottom section only. This way, I only have one rack at a time open instead of switching back and forth. I also know all these dirty dishes won't fit on a standard drying rack. You might ask why I didn't use the dishwasher to wash the dishes in the first place. It's broken and I haven't gotten around to replacing it yet.

By emptying the sink first of all that mess, I was able to work in smaller, more doable batches. The job wasn't so overwhelming. It's just steady work until it's done. I wish the same could be said for the laundry I do.

With family get-togethers, that's another coping skill. I have a huge family. Three generations of 50 people or more at the moderate get-together. Even a small one of just my kids, their spouses, and my grandchildren is 18! It's more than I can handle at one time. I'll find a spot to sit in that's not in the crowd. This way, I'm not surrounded with five or six conversations going at once. I make people come to me. They come in ones or twos and that doesn't overwhelm me. The old days of having ten at the table playing Canasta are over for me. It's a sad reality of my living post stroke and stopping myself from being overwhelmed.

Now, each task I do is simplified first into its smallest components to keep them from being overwhelming. It works with most problems I tackle. I can look back and see that I had a good time or a big job and got it done. I wasn't stressed or overwhelmed. I took it all in stride. This has gotten easier with time. I don't have to think about it so hard any more. I just take tasks from the macro view to the micro view and back again. Then when finished, I can pat myself on the back for a job well done.I may not be a master juggler any more, but I can still conquer a mountain and if I break it down into molehills. But then again. It's harder to trip over mountains. Molehills, that's another story.

Nothing is impossible.

Monday Mailbox ~ Comments from the Blitz

I know y'all are probably tired of hearing about the Blitz blog and my being blitzed, but while I joined to support DL Hammon, I really didn't expect the overwhelming feeling that goes along with being Blitzed. To finish this topic off I wanted to touch on a few comments made.

• Awe- Quite a few commenter mentioned being in awe of me. I'm just me. You can't spend as many decades, well over half a century, as I have on this Earth and not learn a few things by the journey. I don't write my blog to instill awe in anyone. Just to encourage others.

• Inspiration- A vast number of you commented about me being an inspiration. The quick and easy answer is- isn't that what a good pastor does, but it's deeper than that. I was this way before I became an ordained minister. Yes, I have a story which I've only scratched the surface of in the blog, but so do you. We all have stories to tell. Some are are more "Oh my goodness!" than others but we all have a story. My blog is just to let others know "You are not alone."
• Speed Bumps- My speed bumps in life are always retrospectives. I guarantee you while facing those mountains there were many times I wanted to give up but couldn't. Just like you. Wouldn't it be easier to be the victim, yes, but is that any way to go through life?
• Attitude- My attitude comes from living life on a roller coaster. Everyone has ups and downs. I just prefer to be proactive. I just refuse to have a life that I didn't order. Yeah, I'm stubborn, mule headed, and down right cantankerous at times. I prefer to be the pusher instead of the pushed. That way I'm always on top. I stand on the rock of Christ and though I may sway and almost lose my footing, I don't fall. It's a lifestyle decision. I could sit around everyday and cry but I'd rather conquer and laugh.
• Prenotice of being Blitzed- No, I didn't have prenotice that I was being Blitzed but being proactive in all things armed me by a few comments overnight that I was the blitzee that day. So I thought I'd write about the Blitz since it wasn't a usual blog day.

Again, thank you for the comments and following. It happened after a really low couple of months here at the Murphey Saga household. I appreciate it all the more.

A couple things to note about the blog hops you choose. As you can see from my recent blitz of comments during Blitz Blog, promotion in writing is all about exposure to new readers and publicity as a writer this is of paramount importance. I hit 121 followers via Google Friends with my one time up at bat during this Blitz that equates to 40 new readers reading this blog from a minimal effort on my part. My name is read by all participants when I comment on their sites that can be linked back to me. An arrow does have two sharp sides.

Most blog hops are a flood over a short period of time. Haphazard at best for obtaining followers. This blog hop and the Indelibles Indie Life are the type of of in your face in bursts rather than beating you over the head without mercy. You can make an informed choice over time whether you want to follow the poster or not. On average it takes twenty exposures to make a decision for the majority of folks. Which would you prefer a slow burn that gives warmth continually on a cold night, or a flash fire,  intense warmth for a short time.  I choose the slow burn.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.