Saturday Sauntering Scenes as We Say So Long to 2012

As the year 2012 winds down to a close, I look back at what has done and left undone. We wave bye bye to another year. Those things left undone or presently unrealized are probably at the top of the list for 2013.

In any case just what have I accomplished in 2012 retrospectively...

1) I survived by breathing in and out each day. Although sometimes, I did not want to. No I'm not suicidal, but life has a way of getting the better of me at times.

2) I wrote various books and published them in 2011-2012. Granted it was self-published titles which makes the author journey ten times harder with all the hats you have to wear, but I'm still glad I made the journey. I've learned a lot over the past two years. My novels and nonfictions are still selling well in spite of my lack of advertising for seven months.

I didn't get the e-versions of my books edited for Kindle. I did not get Zombie Apocalypse: Travelers rewritten and published. I did not get The Mayan Serpent edited and published. I did not get Surviving Hank edited and published. Those will have to wait until 2013. When I get the use back of my elbow and wrist, I'll attempt illustrating the Sweet Haven Children's Series. But all that will have to wait until 2013 or 2014. No, I'm not being hard on myself. Nobody expected me to have a stroke mid-year including me.

3) Although he's made some downhill slides, my beloved is still with me. We've had a tough twelve years with his battles with his heart and lung illnesses, and his cancer. I would not trade a second of the struggle for his survival with the alternative.

4) I've blogged fairly consistently, except for my time in the hospital, this year and hopefully can stick to this new schedule in 2013. My following has grown by leaps and bounds, although I only show two on the sidebar. Readership is up with more and more comments either here or in e-mails.

5)  We managed to live on our own despite my having a fairly devastating stroke half way through the year. For the first few months, we will be forever grateful for our children's help while we got everything situated. While I'm still on the mend, life is adjusting around my new disability. I am gaining strength every day. My arm is temporary dead, but with time I expect it to gain functionality. So long as I remember to breathe in and out to hold the frustration at bay.

6) The economy still sucks lemons, but I hope to return to my ministry work by February for at least one event. I have scheduled a wedding for a family friend who is marrying the love of her life. Speech slurring and monotone voice aside, she doesn't want anyone else to marry them. God bless 'em. They have both been going through my pre-marital counseling course. When I will return fully to active duty, I'm not sure yet. The courts still call me three times a week to check on me. It's good to be missed. Whether I will do any more weddings, counseling, or other ministry work in 2013 will depend on my therapies and my progress.

Looking back over 2012, it really has been a pretty good year. The last six months have been a challenge, but not enough of a challenge to leave me faithless and forlorn. We have been truly blessed in spite of the roller coaster ride through Hades.

So looking back, how has your year been?

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

E-Books vs Paper Books

Followers of my blog know that I have a rather extensive physical library. I love books and have for decades. I have extensive first editions and twentieth editions from lining walls from floor to ceilings. The smell of well worn and time aged pages, the feel of the wood pulp reconfigured into masterpieces, the visual impact of different typesets of words and illustrations on yellowing sheets...it is a love affair that will never end for me.

I recently bought a Kindle. So I can compare the two experiences. Sounds strange that I finally broke down and bought one considering I have been e-publishing for over a year now. Notice while I went on and on about paper books my e-reader is one line. There is a reason for this and I'll correct that below.

Yes, I'm an old fogie. I've spent decades carrying books around with me everywhere. You'll find one of two hard bounds in my car at all times along with a Kindle in my purse. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Today's society is disposable. It's all about instant gratification. It has been my experience that instant gratification is short lived. The same is true about books which is why I paperback publish AND e-publish.

• e-books are easier to take in bulk on vacations, true.
• e-books are lighter by tons compared to paper ones, true.
• e-books are instantly available in all subjects, true.
• e-books are instant gratification, true.
• e-books fit in any purse or pocket, true.
• e-books by the hundreds can be stored in a small amount of space, oh so true.

Wow, shouldn't that be enough "trues" to make me a convert? Nope.

Being a writer I always play what-if games...

• If the power goes out? Ah, I hear you...it's batteries.
• If the batteries die? Yep, you have extras.
• If you don't...you are FUBARed. *freaked up beyond all recognition
• If it breaks? You go out and spend another hundred of hard earned currency.
• If the internet dies? You won't have access to more books.
• If you drop check it, it's history.
• e-books are cheaper, sometimes.
• If a newer model comes out, you may have to buy another one to be able to read your book...think of computers. Remember Windows 1,2,3, 97, ME, XP, 7? Do you still played games or save stuff on 5 1/4, 3.5 disks or CD-ROM, Zip Disks? That's only the last 20 years!

But a paper book is a book. Some of the copyrights pages in my collection date back to the 1800's and a few 1700's. Yes, they can be ruined by air pollution, water, bugs, and a host of other things. Being an organic based product, they will decompose, but it will take time...think of the Dead Sea Scrolls. They are still readable, enjoyed, and cherished. That's my two cents and with inflation...a dime's worth.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Getting Paid & the Indie Author

I ran across an interesting blog yesterday about the average salary a housewife should earn and wearing hats here. It got me thinking of just how much money I'd earn a year if I was actually getting paid for it. I'm always talking about the hats I wear and call myself the master juggler so I was wondering just how much I'm worth per hour with all my hats. Salaries source based on 1/12/12 www.indeed.com and are used as  ballpark figures.

As a wife, mother, and grandmother per year...

Housekeeper    $22,000
Nanny              $23,000
Accountant       $61,000
Shopper           $81,000
Tutor                $57,000
Consultant        $58,000
Nurse                $73,000
Chef                  $47,000
Dishwasher       $22,000
Seamstress       $21,000
Chauffeur          $30,000
Per year total   $576,000

Now granted the average housewife does not do all these things 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year. Yes, 52 weeks because homemakers do not get sick leave or vacation time. Sometimes there is sleep deprivation also. The average is $38 per hour spent doing all these tasks. I know, I know there are many more jobs that aren't listed.

Now as a semi-retired minister, I earn on average of $13,000 per year. Ministers rarely get sick time or vacation time so it averages to about $6.25. So close to minimum wage for a 24-hr on-call service. Weekends and holidays do not apply. It's a work of faith and love, not actual money. I know there are ministers who make more and less.

As an indie author...
Writer                               $57,000
PR                                    $56,000
Editor                                $52,000
Marketing                         $55,000
Cover artist                      $54,000
Video producer                $44,000
Blogger                            $47,000
Web designer                   $76,000
Text formatting                  $50,000
Social Media Consultant   $65,000
Publisher                          $74,000
Sales Rep                         $46,000
     Per year total             $767,000

That's equal to $368.75 an hour over a standard 40-hour week/52 weeks a year. Let's face it if you are an indie author...do you ever really take time off? You even dream story lines, dialog, and scenes, but still I'm being conservative with the 40 hrs a week. I didn't add the accountant in here but that's another hat you have to wear when the royalties come in. Granted you do not do all these things at the same time, but I'll be you do several of them.

Now adding it all up. I SHOULD earn $413 per hour...based on a standard 10-hour work week per section with 2 weeks vacation/sick time (because even being the master juggler I can't do this many things at the same time)....$206,500 per year.

So the next time someone says, "Oh, you are just a self-published or INDIE author, be armed and throw some figures at them.  Would I love to actually be earning this amount of money a year...heck yeah! Wouldn't you?

In the long way around I feel better and worse about my choice of retirement careers. How many people do you know who make $413 per hour besides maybe Bill Gates?

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Resolutions or Obtainable Goals

res·o·lu·tion
  noun
1. a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.
2. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
3. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

goal
  noun
1. the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.
BUT it is also one of those action, high self image, type words... scoring a goal, making a touchdown!

Every year thousands, if not millions, make New Years Resolutions which are mostly forgotten by February. I used to be in this pack, but not anymore. Now I make obtainable goals. I guess it's wisdom born of age or aging past the half century mark which makes my word choice apparent. Semantics, you might think, but there are subtle differences between the two words. I set goals and they are obtainable.

In retrospect over the past year, I've accomplished all but one of the goals I set for myself. The one failure which stands out is not keeping my publication schedule for my children's series. "mr. Goodbar Goes to the Hospital" should have been available in October, but it is still in my computer waiting for a good tweaking of the illustrations. Luckily they backed up into my flash drive prior to my hard drive failure.

In January of last year I started this new blog on writing casting aside my prior one. I e-published "Escape from Second Eden" and followed it up with, "The Sacrificial Lamb." Both I had set both as goals for 2011 tipping my toes in the indie publishing world. Both have surpassed my expectations with little effort on my part as I stumbled my way through the self-publishing swamp. I published a story which would not be denied and totally different than anything I've ever written, "Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption" in the last quarter of the year.

Surprisingly enough, I'm able to draw my royalties on a monthly basis from various sites within a year. They have also reached the international markets.This was unexpected. I figured on five titles published before I could draw a monthly stipend.  It's nowhere near enough to make me independently comfortable without my day job, but every little bit helps with unemployment rampant, and the economy and inflation throwing everything in turmoil.

Have I really been discovered? No, these are hits and missed type sales. No concentrated focus or highly active searches for me as an author, but this too will come in time. I'm still the little fish in a huge and growing pond. I've had some wonderful interviews and even some fan mail on almost a daily basis in the past three months which is sort of amazing to me. I would grade this experiment as a success and a positive venture in my writing career.

This blog's readership has grown from one to fifty-three steady followers with occasional tweets and facebook links. I've tapped it into my amazon author site, smashwords, and goodread sites as well. The stats average between 20-165 hits a day...a far cry from the 5K daily hits for it to be considered a strong platform base, but it's a start. As I promote more, attend more conferences, do more book signings and other promotional events, it may grow or it may just stay the same. The goal for this blog in the coming year...more readers. I may go back to my Monday, Wednesday, Friday blog schedule, but I haven't decided yet.

Now for my obtainable goals for 2012...
1. Get back on track with my Sweet Haven Series for children. Four titles in 2012.

2. Finish editing the sequel to "Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption" and publish it.
3. Finish writing "Surviving Hank," edit it, publish it.
4. Continue working on several collaborations.
5. Edit "The Mayan Serpent" and publish it.

Personal
1. Breathe and wake up each morning. Not to sweat the small stuff and remember it is ALL small stuff when God is in control. At my age this is enough.

No, I'm not going to say I'm going to lose 50 lbs, stop smoking, or any of a thousand other things. The idea is to set obtainable goals. Go after each one a step at a time.Make my goals realistic and achievable...after all how much good is an unachievable goal? Unachievable only make you think less of yourself and there is a whole world out there ready to throw punches at you...be kinder to yourself because if you aren't NOBODY will be.

While yes, I could lose fifty pounds, stop smoking and the rest...I choose not to set them as goals for myself. If I manage it along the way that's fabulous, but mentally I'm not setting myself up for failure or disappointment.

Life is full of side steps and baby steps to goals. Take it one at a time. If you stumble, and fall just get up and try again. The hard part is taking the first step to any challenge. To borrow from Nike...just do it!

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Taking a Break and Ranting!

No, it's not from writing but my KITCHEN! I've been hard at it for two days now. Now with the dinner tomorrow, I've been fluttering in and out all day long.
 So what do I talk about today???

I know let's talk about books and their place in society. No brainer, right?
Read any good books lately?
One that pulled you out of your world and into theirs?

Isn't that what being a writer is all about. How many of you get lost in the novel written world while writing? Come on, don't be bashful. Raise that hand. A little higher, and higher. Ah, there you are in the back of the room.

I took my daughter to see the second Harry Potter finale. The total cost for two-tickets, popcorn, drinks equaled $35 for a one time enjoyed event. Was it worth it? Yes, but think if you could experience the 3-D in words in a book you could read over and over again experiencing the whole thing from beginning to end for less. That's what books do for me.

The first books I ever read were the Dr. Seuss, of course. I believe it was "Are You My Mother."Then in school, it was Dick, Jane and Spot. Later, it was Treasure Island, The Hobbit, and a long list of other titles. All right so I grew up in the dark ages when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. I remember living in countries that DIDN'T have television and you know what, I didn't miss it. Books were and are my world. Nancy Drew always caught the bad guy. The Bobbsey Twins were always getting into some trouble. But it was entertainment. It was a world outside my own.

I remember the sheer joy of reading a good book. Being transported off to the pirate's island, middle earth, or wherever. With the advent of e-readers, it is possible to carry tons of books in a purse. So why aren't more people reading?

The electronic age is to blame. Atari created a Pong and Space Invaders video game and now it's X-Box. Books are way cheaper. The argument of today's generation is getting more active so what did they invent? WII and X-Box Kinects. We have a generation of kids who are so sedentary that obesity has reached astronomical proportions. Kids who would rather play video games, or watch television, or live on computers than actually live. Now, I'm not knocking any of these things. I do all of them, but where is the rationale and the mindset?

When I watch television, I admire the graphics, the storytelling, and a host of other things. I marvel at the ingenuity of the programmers for video games and the graphics...we've come a long way since Pong. Computers, which were once a way to work and increase productivity, have now become entertainment and socialization neccessity for the masses. Instead of going out and meeting, talking, and actually visiting friends- we have virtual friends. How many people know who their neighbors are? When was the last time you actually physically visited one of them? We've become a world of instant messengers, emails, and text messages.

neigh·bor
   noun
1. a person who lives near another.

Oh great now I've got Mr. Rogers singing that song in my head!

I've read that most people will buy a book on recommendation from someone they know. But do we really know all those people we tweet to? Or FaceBook chat with?  Or a long list of sites we frequent on the internet? I've had "Friends" on the internet for thirty years. Some I've actually met in person while others I wouldn't know unless they introduced themselves to me in person. How far can you trust a recommendation from a person you can't look in the eyes, read their body language, or sit with you when things have hit the fan? They could really be an ax murderer in disguise. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned for my own good, but that's my two cents or maybe a dime with inflation.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Halloween Hag-Lag

Well, it's official Halloween is over for another year. I had forty-two children come to my door last night which is a far cry from previous years. It was less than expected for us. Oh well, more M&M's for me!

Parents are busy and parents are afraid to let their children go out into neighborhoods. I watched as parents drove by and stopped at each house with a light on.

I can remember with joy the hours spent in my own childhood traipsing through the neighborhood with my sack of candy. I also remember the kid who found a razor blade in his apple the hard way. It says a lot about society and the changes I've seen over the decades. Now, if you want horror all you have to do is watch the local news station instead of going to the theaters or reading a book. It's sad when you think about it.

Today is November 1st. The air is a bit crisper with a definite coolness to it at 64 degrees. I know my cousins up in the northwest are grabbing their coats with much colder weather, but for us it's a nice change from the 100+ degrees of summer. The leaves are falling and I'm finally out of my boot. Yes, after fourteen weeks my toes and foot are healed at least on the outside. The doctor tells me to expect a couple more months before it is totally healed. Good thing too, because now I can pull a sock on my foot. Can I get an "AMEN!"

I can recall a time when broken bones weren't such a long ordeal for me...like ten years ago, but with age everything slows down. I've had two weeks off from writing again. Part of this was due to illness of my hubby and the past week was just me recovering. But today I start again. I know it is also the start of that HUGE writing competition where you write 50,000 words in a month. I can never remember the alphabet letters associated with it. NANNIE-NANNIE-POO-POO, or whatever. I know a lot of authors are participating.  I have never participated in it. I write fast enough to not consider it a challenge. Believe me, when I get started not much stops me on average.

My blog got a nod from another blogger, Late Bloomers. Thanks Samantha for the nod. The pic of the award is on my other computer and will add it later. I participated in a new monster character study on her blog last month. It was a pretty interesting experience. I met Samantha at SheWrites.com.

Angel Haze's  month long blog hop is over for this year. Six lucky winners will receive either a e-version or a sign copy of "Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption." I still haven't received the list of winners yet, but will post it as soon as I do.

I checked into the Indie Author Collective's Blog-tour-de-force. But since I get a list of soldiers wanting e-books already through Operation E-Book Drop, it seemed kind of redundant to me. Of course the added benefit of joining would be more hits on my blog. But I'm not doing that bad so far this past year...0 to almost 3000 with very little effort on my part.I think I'll pass on it this time.

So I find myself coasting towards the end of the year. This is blog #40 of the SHINEonline challenge of 100 blogs in the last 100 days of the year. I'm off about three so I'll fall short of 100 unless I post a couple of blogs on the same day, but I'm not really worried greatly about it.


So as we fall into fall, and a time change...what have you got left to accomplish this year?

As always keep writing and loving the Lord.

Thursday Turmoil & the Indie Author

Today is Thursday and I'm on the downhill slide to the weekend. Not that a weekend is a big deal for me as an author. But today I find myself in turmoil.

tur·moil
noun
1. a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet


 It may just be the week I've experienced or the past few weeks catching up to me. I've had my ups and definite downs. I got to thinking last night about what has happened over the past year. A lot of good things and bad. I've been doing a retrospective. My tag line for this blog is...The ongoing insanity of my family, writing, and the world in general...I'd spend all my time writing if LIFE didn't get in the way.

This retrospect look came about when someone asked fellow authors about a bucket list. I don't have a bucket list. I do not have the time. Besides, I live everyday without regret. Life is too short for regrets. Forgive me if I lapse into a little melancholy here. My life is in a constant state of confusion, commotions, and disturbances.

• I have four children and soon to be eight grandchildren.
• I obtained a new granddaughter with my daughter's marriage.
• Two of my children are handicapable.
• 1 child was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor...given three months to live, but what do the doctors know, she's still with us.
• Helped all four of my children and grands out with financial difficulties including foreclosures and evictions...not to mention babysitting, school and sports events, etc
• I have a terminally ill husband who is on life support.
• Had part of my house collapse in storms including my roof.
• A water line leading to my house broken and then the well pump died.
• I have now a total empty nest having been both minister and mother of the bride AT THE SAME TIME! Not tumultuous? Try it sometime.
• My father-in-law passed away this summer.
• I've written, edited and self-published 1 espionage suspense novel, 1 suspense southern fiction novel, 2 children's series novel of five, 1 horror novel, and 1 short nonfiction about the business aspects of being and author. 
• I have marketed myself.
• I've edited 26 novels for other authors
• I've critiqued 115 chapters and/or novels for other authors
• I'm currently working on the sequel to the horror novel, a new southern fiction suspense, another espionage suspense, the full length author business manual, and the final three books in children's series.
• I also have two projects I'm ghost writing and another I'm co-authoring.

Have I boggled your mind yet? Just wait there's more.

Now on a psychological stress chart, I'm so far up in numbers it's a wonder I haven't splintered into a thousand pieces. I asked my doctor once what stress factor I could give up...he looked at my list and couldn't find one thing. I guess I could give up on writing and publishing, and the other authors I help, but for me it's a sanity issue. Without my writing each day, I'll go insane.

Have I boggled your mind yet? Just wait there's more.

Every morning I open my eyes and thank God I woke up. When you get to be my age just waking up in the morning is a blessing. I'll say my prayers which takes about an hour. Wake my husband for his morphine. He'll look up at me and smile. This makes the whole day just shine for me no matter what.

Now my days hinge on my husband. Nothing will throw a monkey wrench into plans than the power going off for me. It's a mad scramble to get my husband on his emergency oxygen, check his other systems and then call the power company to report the outage. Yes, we are on a priority restore list because of the life support, but still it can take about two hours. After three hours, I'm scrambling to call an ambulance to transport him to the hospital. How many times has the power gone of this year so far 24.

How many times has my husband had pneumonia this year so far...three times and it hasn't gotten cold yet. How many times has he been hospitalized in the past year, zero. There isn't anything that they can do for him there that I can't do at home and it is his ultimate wish to die at home surrounded by the things that matter to him in his life. It is also the greatest gift I can give him. Remember I'm a retired RN. This is a far cry from a few years ago when he had twenty hospital admissions lasting ten days of more within a year...over 200 days out of 365.

I know my sales would be better if I advertised "Buy my books" more, made more public appearances, and actually got out into community type activities, but the fact is I'm actually happy with my few hundred sales this year so far. With all that's going on in my life, I'm doing fabulous. Everyday I write a bit more of my nonfiction, "To Have and Let Go" which is about this journey my husband and I are currently on. Each day I think I need a break and thoughts of running away enter my mind. But still I stay in the turmoil and ride the waves of it on a giant surfboard...always on top of the wave and never swallowed up by it.

So what is your turmoil today?

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

I Do!

It has been a busy week and a half of weddings. I've performed eight weddings in as many days. This being a resort town... people fly in from all over. So far I've performed weddings at the courthouse embraced and shrouded by historic oaks, on a tall sail schooner, in a mall, one of the piers, and the rest at the beach at sunset.

Now I do not perform weddings in a church, because although I attend church, it is not mine as in I am the cleric...even ministers need pastors. I am known as a traveling minister because I will fill in for pastors who are ill or on vacation. I work for donations. It can be feast or famine. Right now, it's feast after a long famine and the roof caving in on me last month as far as expenses go.

I always thought of June being the busiest month for weddings, but so far July has beat out the June bride syndrome. My flexibility is my major selling point. I will come or go where you tell me to, change up the service from traditional, contemporary, Christian, Zen, civil, or the short and sweet catering to the bride's wishes.

Brides can be pretty specific what they want and do not want even with only a couple hours notice. Since some are from out of state, questions like where can I get flowers, where is a nice place to have the service, and a few hundred others pop up. I have yet to perform a service in the rain although several rain showers have occurred before and after the service. I do need to find a nice, quiet shelter to perform services for when the weather turns colder, though any church would welcome me. For me, it feels like an intrusion.

In short, I've had my minister's hat on all week long. "I do! I do!"

The writing is coming along slowly. The editing of others, even slower. I am fielding 120 emails, and about 30 phone calls a day. The biggest thing is that Smashwords.com has a July promotion ongoing. I've reduced the price of "Escape from Second Eden" and "The Sacrificial Lamb" by 75%. I haven't checked on sales this week, but I'm praying.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Guest Blogging and My Partner in Crime

Imagine my surprise when I was asked to guest blog on another site.  But it's true.   Tomorrow's blog at the http://pinkfuzzyslipperwriters.blogspot.com/  will have been written by yours truly.   My old partner in crime, Mary Barfield, asked and I happily agreed.  I feel honored beyond belief at the confidence they have in me.

I have called Mary my partner in crime for over a dozen years...since we met at my first Southeastern Writer's Association Conference on St Simons Island.  It was first time and her umpteenth.  We bonded in seconds. 

At the welcoming ceremony were all asked to introduce ourselves and make it memorably.  Imagine, I'm in an auditorium with a hundred plus  strangers and was a wee bit nervous. (I stopped counting at 100)  Although I have given seminars and things to groups before, this was different.  I wasn't the expert.  I was a novice at fiction writing. It didn't matter that I had been published in nonfiction for years.  I ran through a couple of things in my head but nothing seemed to stand out.

Mary was an old professional at conferences and was sitting next to me.  She got up and did her memorable line of crime and passion with a devilish sparkle to her eye, and then sat down.  Those who have met Mary know what I mean.  Then It was my turn.  I stood and told everyone my name and that I lived on the mainland, Brunswick. Then said the first thing that popped into my head.  "I've got 'Made in Japan' stamped on my butt."

I was thinking of the little dolls made after WWII with the little stickers which said that on the bottom. (now they say China) Well, I am Japanese. I'm short...five foot nothing, at the time I weighed about 120 lbs (which now I resemble a squat little Buddha).  It seemed to fit.  The room exploded in laughter and nobody forgot me.  Even to this day, several members from my first time will see me and point, and say "made in Japan" and laugh.  They may not remember my name, but they remember my introduction line.

Mary had the same attitude as I do when going to one of these things...if you can't have fun, why bother. Since then, we've become side kicks, hammered out details for novels, swapped family stuff, writing, critiques, run away for writing huddled weekends, had water gun fights in hotel hallways after midnight, etc, and even though she lives across the state from me, she is only a phone call away.

Oh, in case you were wondering...my blog is about breaking free of Spring runaway desires and writer's block.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Jo

Judging a Book by its Cover

 Have you ever been to a store or event when you just wanted to let your hair down and not get gussied up?

I did that this weekend at a APS Stamp Expo in Charleston, SC. I was on vacation and it wasn't a working one. Although I brushed my hair and teeth, and even put on deodorant, I did not dress up. In fact, I was in blue jeans and a flannel shirt.  I really didn't care what the dealers/buyers present at the show thought of me until...I approached one auction company.  I was treated like a small time operator.  He pointed out to me that a minimum lot for auction had to be over $2,000 worth based on current prices. He was actually looking down his nose at me.

I have been a stamp collector for over fifty years and my collection only fills one half of my office. It's value is lower than national debt, but much higher than my yearly power bills.  I guess by my appearance, I could have just been a curiosity seeker off the street, but I wasn't.  I am a card carrying member of that particular organization.There are other more serious collectors who fill up their entire houses, but that's overkill.  I go for quality over quantity.

Needless to say, his commission off any auction lots I would have given his company off the sales were history.  Out of my briefcase I pulled out three Confederate stamps and a couple of other gems I carried with me for possible sale, they were each worth much more than he had suggested.  I showed him the stamps.  His mouth kind of gaped open. Of course then, I took my business elsewhere. I was really irritated and this vendor lost a four to five figure commission plus any future sales.  I ran into two such vendors, but luckily there were others. They were nonjudgmental and respectful.

How many times have we all done this in our own lives?  As a Christian we are told, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Doesn't the above prove it?

In writing, the author has little or no control over their covers. When you walk into a bookstore, what's the first thing you see...covers.  When you buy a book how much impact does the cover have in your purchasing decision.  I know as a previous marketing manager--a lot. Big bucks are spent trying to promote the image of items people buy.

I recently changed the image I created for Escape from Second Eden, since it is an e-published novel, I can do that.  Now that a few days have passed I may create another one.  What I am seeing is not projecting the image I want to convey. Yes, it would be easier to let someone else do it, but then I lose control over what I want to present. It is a dilemma within a dilemma, but exciting too. Eventually lightning will strike and I'll figure out the right design I want until then, it will be trial and error.  Isn't that how we all learn?

Reflections on Parenting

I had an opportunity to reviews my parenting skills this past week.  I laid in a hospital bed after my heart to try a few new steps in its usual tap dance.  I had almost forty-eight hours to do nothing but lay there and count the many spots on the ceiling.  I started thinking about how I raised my children and what was the hardest part short of burying one of your own.  Been there, done that and don't particularly want to do that again.  All my children are grown now and in their own little worlds of parenting in various cycles.

The hardest part is not when your child is sick, as most would think, or raising teenagers.  It is allowing them to make their own decisions in their lives.  Whether it is the wrong decision (by my accounting) or right one.  Allowing them to learn from their mistakes.  I know you are shaking your head and saying wait a minute...it's a parent's job to protect your children.  It is after all a mother's job.  I've watched my children go through some of trials of life, which I have experienced, and it would be so easy to tell them not to take this road or that road.

The self-help aisles of bookstores are full of parenting guidelines, and how-to books.  All these are readily available, but nothing beats experience even hurtful ones.  I often wonder whether I have done right by my children by allowing them to make their own beds to lie on.  Part of me says yes, it was the right thing to do, but my mother's heart cries out how I should have helped them and protected them better.

A very recent discussion with my oldest daughter comes to mind about one of her sisters.  Why is her younger sibling staying in her marriage instead of leaving her husband?  I simply pulled from my stash of lessons I learned the hard way and explained it to her.  The reason her sister has not left her husband is fear of the unknown.  She knows what she has with her husband...good, bad, indifferent.  Until she reaches the point of of where what she has in her current relationship is more harmful or unbearable than her fear of what the unknown of leaving and raising her children on her own, she is not ready to take the next step.  Nobody can make this decision for her.  Only she knows how much she can bear and what will tip the scales in this momumental decision she makes.

Now, in my mother's heart I want to go to my child and tell her no matter what momma is here and love you no matter what your decision is.  The old momma will kiss it and make it better routine.  They are some decisions in life that momma can not kiss away.  Your children will experience heart ache, your children will be scared, your children will have dozens of experiences in life which you can not control.  Sad as the thought may be, it is true.

The same is true about another incident this past month.  My youngest had a miscarriage.  I wanted to run to her side the moment she called and be with her.  But I also understood this was something she and her significant other had to work through as one of those tough times in any relationship.  I called several times over the course of the day to see how she was doing.  She would not answer the phone, but would text me that she was okay. I texted her back asking her why did not answer my calls.  She answered back in text that she did not want to talk to me. 

I understood this as her way of coping with her tragic event.  Personally, I was hurt and hurting for my daughter, but in my sage wisdom I let it go knowing she would call and talk to me when she was ready.  Very hard decision for me to accept.  She did eventually call me and we talked on the phone for several hours.  Was I a bad parent? As mothers usually do I second guess myself constantly.  Ah tis, the mother's lot and heavy to bear.

So I lay in that blasted hospital bed, unable to move because of monitors, IV lines, blood pressure cuff, etc and thought about my children.  I think I've done okay by them overall.  Being a mother is never an easy job.  But it is a way of God teaching us patience, trust, and letting God be God.  All of us make mistakes and make ammends, it is after all life.