Sunday Stroke Survival ~ Losing a Motivator and Doubts

For most of you that do not read my blog regularly, you may not know that my husband was transferred to hospice care two weeks ago. This has been a long time coming. He's been terminal with a bad heart, bad lungs, and cancer for ten years. It is now time to say "See you later" but never "goodbye."

With hospice nurses, aides, social workers, and clergy in and out of my house three or four days a week, it's been a nonstop care-a-thon for my husband. So for those hours I'm basically free on other non essential essential tasks like cooking or cleaning. No more revolving door trips to the doctors and wasting hours. No more have-to-get-it-now trips to the pharmacy or pharmacies for his medicine. It all is delivered to my front door. Trips to the oxygen supplier are out too. They are now a phone call away. How many times have I prayed for this over the past six months? How many times did I wish this carnival ride I was on to stop?

Was it only August and September I did a series on grief counseling? It seems like a lifetime ago. How apropos in hindsight. Now, it is knocking on my door once again and I don't want to let it in. Honestly, who really does?

So what does all this have to do with stroke recovery?

During my initial recovery phase, I based my needs with him as a priority. Walking, forming words properly with my lips, drawing a syringe of pain medicine one handed etc. Now almost 18 months later, I'm wondering what I can base my recovery towards with my husband not in the picture anymore. What will be my focus point for my goals?

Myself? I hardly feel worthy of the dedication needed for the prolonged process of recovery. Not that I feel bad about myself, but doing things for others has always been my driving force. An external motivator to push me harder to reach it. If it's only for myself, it would be put on a back burner.

So now I'm stumped and am looking for another motivator. Doing it for me just doesn't cut it. Yes, I'm still determined to recover but I need that extra push to achieve. I've already proven that I can be a fun and creative grandmother as I am. I have proven that I can minister to those in need even if it's not from the pulpit. I have proven that although difficult, I can write again. I have proven that I can still be the counseling voice to guide my children. And life will still go on without any help from me, so I'm lost. I've accomplished so much in my recovery so far since my stroke. I don't want to stop recovering, but I know me. It would be so easy to give in to the dogma of plateau and it's the best it's gonna be.

It's not really an identity crisis, but then again it is. I know who I am and know my limitations. Doesn't everyone have limitations in one form or another? I know this and accept it. I need to be slaying dragons, but am lost on what weapon to use. I'm at my best climbing mountains and slaying dragons.

Any ideas out there?

Wednesday Writerly Way ~ Motivation in Fiction Writing

I'm going to finish up my discussion on motivation that I started yesterday. Again I speak only from my point of view because that's the one I know. I've read others' views on the matter and wanted to add my impressions for consideration. This time for fiction writers.

I love a good fiction story. Plot twists, characters that live and breathe, and the settings of where I've been or hope to go even if it's a fantasy world. Writing fiction has different motivations than writing nonfiction. But one thing both have to have is a unique voice and a story line.

I've had all of these motivations in writing fiction. Now to carry on from yesterday...

• As Paul Harvey used to say, tell "the rest of the story"
• A story which won't die in your head
• Characters who would play a role in your story and won't shut up
• Demons need exorcising
• The more you write; the more appears to be written-self generating story line

When you write historical fiction, be it romance or any other type, you have boundaries within  which you write. You tell the rest of the story. Or a fictionalized story within fact. I did this with Escape from Second Eden and The Mayan Serpent (yet to be published). I had specific events in historical facts as guidelines and reference to work within, and build the story to coincide with them. The characters are fictionalized with a sprinkling of actual public figures.

This is probably the easiest and hardest form of fiction to write. Easy because all the hard work of recreating an era, clothing, events are done for you and you don't have to create from scratch. The hardest part is the boundaries themselves. You have to totally immerse yourself as the writer in the time. No modern thoughts, conveniences, or speech.

For me, these books are memories from my journals growing up. Believe me when I say that I could write a hundred suspense type books just off my life experiences. I hate to compare myself to other authors, but didn't Ian Fleming and Jack Higgins do the same thing? Their backgrounds are in espionage as is mine, but mine is from a different perspective. All are thinly veiled truths and half truths of people and incidents that passed through our lives with a what if factor. Writers write what they know and writing these types of books help me exorcize the demons in my past.

Some writing I do as exercises or shorts to languish away their lives in notebooks or flash
drives. I keep everything I write good or bad. For my southern fiction persona, it's tales set in Georgia. Of course because I live in Georgia. The Sacrificial Lamb, The Illusion of Tranquility (yet to be published) and Surviving Hank (yet to be published) are three examples that started out as exercises, but the main protagonist and antagonist wouldn't shut up after the story or piece was written. They may have started out as a 500 word short-short or a 1,000 word short, but took off a life of their own in a self generating novel. As a writer ya gotta love when that happens.

They don't fit the mold as cozy, southern murder mysteries as southern fiction is usually defined, but they are hard and gritty. They deal with issues like child abuse/molestation, divorce, affairs, adultery, and yes, murder...the messier side of life. The question asked is not whodunit, but will he/she get caught and is justice served. Unfortunately these are also written from my journals and are exorcizing demons.

All that being said, I often wonder about my zombie side step. Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption, Zombie Apocalypse: Travelers (yet to be published), and Zombie Apocalypse: Controllers (yet to be published).

Whatever possessed me to write about zombies? I didn't even like zombies until a year a half ago. No, I really didn't say that out loud. < Er, um, cough, cough> I've been a zombie fan my whole life. Yeah that's what I meant to type my fingers are possessed!

What was my motivation for this series...a fluke and marriage between a news event and my striving to be self sufficient. I have experience in medicine and a self-sufficient lifestyle. The fluke was a halfway listened to news blurb on Fox News about the CDC issuing a Zombie Apocalypse alert. Within literally months, the first story was written, the second outlined and halfway written, and the third having a handful of new details and scenes tying into the first two. It took on a life of it's own for a series. I've never written a series before nor had any desire to do so until this one. I much preferred writing the stand alone books with the possibility of a sequel at best, if my audience wanted one.

Not all my stories are self generating. Those stories usually fall by the wayside within ten chapters. It's too much like work. Does anybody really like to work when creating? Sure as I've said on this blog numerous times, you must do your homework prior to writing, but writing should be fun. I've quit better jobs and for more money than writing generates for me.

Don't get me wrong, writing is hard work especially the editing and rewriting parts. By the time the rewriting, editing, rewriting, editing and editing parts roll around you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe not if it takes forever.<sigh> See all those books listed above marked "yet to be published?" Yep you've guessed it...they are awaiting further editing and rewrites.

So what is your motivation behind your book and what tricks do you use to stay motivated during the process?

Keep writing and loving the Lord

Tuesday Tumbling Term ~Motivation

The term for today is Motivation. What motivates an indie writer to continue writing?

mo·ti·va·tion
noun
1. the act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way. Synonyms: motive, inspiration, inducement, cause, impetus.
2. the state or condition of being motivated.
3. something that motivates; inducement; incentive.

What is the set of circumstances which causes a writer to write? I can

only speak for myself on this but here goes...

• Right a wrong
• Disperse information
• As Paul Harvey used to say, tell "the rest of the story"
• A story which won't die in your head
• Characters who would play a role in your story won't shut up
• Demons need exorcising
• The more you write; the more appears to be written-self generating story line.
• I want to be rich like (insert the author's name here)

I've used all of these except the last one.

The first, second, and third are the motivating factors behind 99% of all nonfiction I have written in the past and will in the future. I'm an advocate at heart. If I feel an audience in general have the wrong impression about something, I go out of my way to set the record straight, disperse the correct information, and tell the rest of the story.

My first nonfiction was a case in point. Mommie, I Wish I'd Never Heard of Arfritis, was a parent's journal of day to day life of a child with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. For the next twelve years (that's how long I was with the Arthritis Foundation) in the promotion and dispersion of this nonfiction, I heard two comments repeatedly... 1) "I didn't know this disease affected children," and 2) "Thank you."

If I had a dollar for every time I heard it, it would fund a small research wing devoted to care and treatment of children with JRA. The first comment was from people who now know, and the second was from parents of the children afflicted with JRA.

Need another example? Are You a Survivalist or a Prepper?
 I watched the show on the National Geographic channel about preppers. It was so full of hype and "crazy" people it gave preparedness a bad rap. These folks aren't crazy. Possibly a little misguided but their basic reasoning is sound in how they go about preparedness. The same thing goes for Dual Survival and a host of other reality shows on television.

I wanted to set the record straight with some seat of your pants common sense on how I prepare on a dime. This was the first book of a series of at least five I had outlined.

I don't know about you, but I haven't got a sugar daddy stashed away or thousands of dollars to spend like the people depicted on the show. We all prepare for a hurricane or tornado, don't we? It's the same thing except you do it on a larger scale. You learn how to be self sufficient. It's something our grandparents or great-grandparents knew but we've lost in the modern, technological lifestyles we live in now.

For fiction the next four are the premise behind all my fiction works. Some kernels for stories just don't pan out but others take on a life of their own. The last ones are the ones that get finished and published. But more on this tomorrow.

I wanted to touch base on the last one. For me personally, this is probably the worst reason to be a writer. The odds are 95% against you being either rich or famous for writing a book. Sure there are success stories, blogs and books galore on the topic, but the fact is even if you copy everything they say...you won't be rich or famous unless you change your name to Rich N. Famous or have it tattooed on your butt. It's a nice pipe dream though. Eeking out a living wage by being a writer takes time, productivity, and building an audience. But don't let me deter you from trying. I encourage you to prove me wrong.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

Monday Mailbox ~ Motivation

It's Monday and it's time to visit Tilda the mailbox and answer your questions. What motivates a writer is the topic for this week.

So the question I keep getting is how I stay motivated to keep writing. AC, RJ, FT, and GR, this answer is for you.

Basically I don't stay motivated to write. I write when I'm motivated or have the time to devote to writing. This is different than anything you may have read on writing sites. I'm a firm believer in that old adage, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Fighting too many things at once and trying to be creative writing is doomed from the start.

• You are rowing against the tide which doubles any underlying frustration. 
• Fighting and snipping at yourself will only make you feel bad.
• You, above all others, knows what to be done so why badger yourself.
• Do you honestly write better when forced to?

Yes, realize that you are indeed rowing against the tide. I haven't written a new word in my manuscript for almost eight weeks! Between my ongoing therapy sessions, doctor appointments, family in town, my DH (darling hubby) stuff, I just haven't had thirty minutes to sit down at my computer and write. Not because of lack of creativity just juggling my time schedule. With interruptions from doctors and pharmacies, new and old medicines and their side effects during the waking hours my brain was going ninety to nothing on everything else.

No amount of condoling or making myself feel bad about not writing would free up more time. Time is a finite thing and so are my energy levels. Do I feel bad enough about not writing, you bethcha! Did I want to write, yep. Could I write, nope. The best I could manage was thinking about writing.

I above anybody else knows my limits and a humongous honey-do-list. If I beat myself up about the things I can't control, I'd have no self worth left. Badgering myself about it just wastes time that could be used to shorten my honey-do-list. On any given day there are eighteen permanently placed things on this list that do not change. Everything else is squeezed in.

Isn't it the same for everyone? Even an expert of time management, like I like to think of myself, have stumbling times. They may be just a day or days, weeks, or months (yes I have those times too). I allow myself to have that freedom and piece of mind. Nothing kills creativity than pressure.

Jacqui Oakley Illustrations

Now if, everything is hunky-dory and I have a half hour here and there, I'll write. Sometimes I'll even write for hours. Those are highly motivated times. I'll sit and knock out a thousand words an hour. Those are the good times although far between in my life. While it may be helpful for those just starting out writing to make a schedule to write everyday, I being a seasoned writer have difficulty writing every day. I keep saying when my life slows down a bit maybe I'll write everyday. The problem is my life may appear to be slower now that I'm not working, but it is way busier because it takes me twice as long to do things.

What motivates a writer to write...the same thing that motivates readers to read. The persistent what ifs bouncing around in your gray matter, characters so rich and alive that they just can't be stilled, and a story that can't be reasoned away. Sure book sales can be a great motivator if the reason you are writing is money, but is that all it takes to be a writer? What sequence of events makes any writer sit in front of a computer screen for the hours, weeks, and months it takes to complete a rough draft? The answer is in some of the things I mentioned above.

Keep writing and loving the Lord.