Oops I hit publish before I entered the date.
It being Sunday and I feel like preaching a bit from my living post stroke computer. So if you do not believe in God, He has this Word for you. Please don't post negative comments here. Send me an email. Thank you.
It's hard to believe I'm approaching the six year anniversary of my first stroke. What a journey it's been so far. And yet, I'm still have faith of a full recovery. Huh? Why is that? From reading your blog, you've had nothing but problems since your stroke. How can you still believe God loves you? He allowed this to happen to you. How could a loving God do this to you? Why hasn't He healed you yet? You're a minister. Surely your testament of healing would bring hundreds to Him. I read it almost every week in emails.
You've all heard that "God works in mysterious ways." What's so mysterious? Have you asked Him? Yes, repeatedly. He never answers me. Sure He does. Are you listening? Are you in a receiving mode of brain activity? Maybe, you aren't crossing your left eye, sticking your tongue out of the right side of your mouth, while wiggling your ears with your head cocked at just the right angle. Sometimes you feel like you have to do some asinine antics or rituals to make sure God is listening or it seems that way. You don't, by the way. Just talk to Him as you would a loved one or close friend. That's what He really wants. Do you only talk to him when the stuff hits the fan like a petulant child? I'm guilty of being a petulant child at times, but not this instance. Are you a nagging wife where God is concerned? Are nags ever listened to or a whiny child?
For me, God foretold that this would happen to me. I was early in my walk of faith. Although I received many blessings, I also had some pretty hefty travails. This continued for decades as I grew in faith and trust. Each time the travails got harder and harder. I might have wobbled from the blows, but I remained faithful as did God. Sounds like a parent teaching a child to swim, doesn't it. Believe me, I didn't understand at the time I just rolled with the punches. Each time I got stronger and stronger in faith. I never doubted the the rewards (blessings) with the triumph of the travail.
Meanwhile, I thanked Him for His mercy when it was over. It's darn right impossible to see blessings through a storm. It's only in retrospect that most can feel how He carried us through the storm. Even the faithful can be shaken up one side to the other. I've had my own inklings with this over the decades. I'm only human. It's allowed. Just don't make it a life long ambition.
I've had more travails, over the my decades of faith, than anyone should be allowed to go through even at birth, but God had a plan for my life. He would allow me to be His mouthpiece. I used the phrase, "Scorched, but not consumed" in one of my novels. That's it in a nutshell. Through my travails, I've been scorched around the edges, but have not been consumed by them because of my faith. When I tell others what I have done and what I've endured in my life, they are amazed. They can't believe that so much could happen to one person and she still wears a smile, and professes faith. But I do, not always, but 98% of the time.
It wasn't until 2015, that someone gave me the name of my calling...a martyr. Like Job (thank God I'm not Job) in the Bible, God is using me to show His love and faithfulness to others in the present day. Those are some mighty big shoes to fill. Does it sound like I'm bragging? Believe me, I'm not. Nobody would want these shoes, I don't. He uses me as an example. Remember, I believe in leading by example. I can walk the walk and talk the talk. My perspective is focused, Been there (Am there). Done that (Going through it). Can I show you the way? How I cope? I never force feed anyone. God opens doors and windows even if it's just a crack you push through.
The Lord is my shepherd. May the love and peace of the Lord be with and upon you.
Nothing is impossible.
But waiting isn't without its own trials. Fear creeps back in. Is this interminable wait because it's the wrong decision? This is the biggest one for me because I'm always questioning my decisions. Yes, you are not the only one thinking this in whatever choice you make. Conquering the effects of pain from the spasticity on my body and on the emotional front is another huge trial. The spasticity in my arm causes my trapezius muscles in both shoulders to strain causing unbelievable headaches, and my spine to contort as I try to find comfort. Which, in turn, causes more muscle aches from poor posture. But the worst, is Mel asking me all the time, "What's wrong? Are you mad at me?" Because my happy, smiling demeanor has changed to a frown or scowl most days because I'm dealing with this pain. I actually look haggard and tired as I go about my daily routine. I find myself doing the bare minimum to get by which is totally out of character for me.
