Du,ring my down (nonwriting) time and before my unexpectedly long hospitalization, I had some life decisions to make. The accident shook me up and hurt me worse than I wrote about here. I had a concussion, an avulsed left eye, banged up both sides of my body, my implant slipped from its pocket, and was really doubting my ability to continue to live independently.
It was this last doubt that made me stop writing the posts. I needed to do some serious soul searching. I started doubting and second guessing every decision I'd made since my stroke in 2012 and the death of my husband in 2015. Yes, I was that badly shaken up. Who was I now? What was I honestly capable of now? How much of what I believed I could do was hype and how much was reality? I was reevaluating goals and trying to find some order that was realistic. This was a mighty tall order and I was taking an honest hard look at my life and the rest of my life. With all that's come down the pipe is it any wonder I wanted it to be 2012 again, but it never would be again?
I wasn't without options. I could give up this lifestyle choice and move into a senior's living place or assisted living place back home. I have so few possessions that it would be feasible. I'd even have to buy a few things like dinnerware, a dining table and a bed. My needs are really simple at this point. It would just mean moving back home near family, friends, and my church. But it would mean giving up some of my independence. I decided to stay put for the time being. The other options were still open.
After my ordeal, the simple acts of feeding myself, going to the bathroom, and getting dressed are about all I can manage these days. Once again, I'm considering my other options, but my stubbornness continues to make me stay put for as long as I can. Although distant, my stamina will increase again. Oh what a joy to get older. Everything takes longer. A long list of honey-dos awaits and growing while I do this. They'll get done eventually.
Nothing is impossible.
For different reasons I am in the same place. I have decided to move into an independent living facility I like next year after my knee and cataract surgery. I am throwing items out and packing up the nice things I will donate to my church's yard sale. I am ready to give up cooking because I cannot afford to fall in the kitchen anymore.
ReplyDeleteI know Rebecca. Healing takes time. By choosing your choice you may be able to live by yourself again one day. Maybe with a better kitchen.
DeleteIf it weren't for my husband and sister, I would have to move into an assisted living facility. I sympathize with both of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Denise.
DeleteI somehow missed your first "Tribbles" post (love that Star Trek episode too), so I went back and read it before commenting here. Oh my goodness, how scary! I'm so sorry for all the trouble you've been having, but you are truly an inspiration. Seeing what you face and overcome makes me believe anything is possible. I'm sending positive thoughts your way and I'll be thinking of you. Hang in there. <3
ReplyDeleteAll positive thoughts are appreciated! Hanging in by my fingernails right now.
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