Stuff and More Stuff

Well, yesterday was Valentine's Day. My first without my beloved. I'm a little over half the year through my year of firsts since his death. My neighbor knowing this sent her her young son over to visit me. He told me that he felt bad for me being alone. Then he brought forward the arm he had behind his back. He had  a small bud vase with three, red silk roses in it and a small bag of chocolate truffles. Such as simple gesture from this little boy brought tears to my eyes as I thanked him. He hugged me back hard and said, "Don't be sad, Mrs. Jo."

I told him that they were happy tears. He turned and went home.

I really hadn't remembered that it was Valentine's Day. I've just been too sick. It's been a heck of a tough month for me and my body. First the episode of breathing difficulties, my heart acted up starting to throw me into congestive heart failure, and now a cold complete with a touchy stomach and the creeping crud. I'm feeling so miserable that unless I have to be somewhere, I stay in my pajamas and robe. Of course spending three days last week at my cardiologist's office on top of my dry needling sessions hasn't exactly left me bursting with energy. My body is just too run down. If it wasn't for my body dying in slow increments, I'd live forever.

I had a visit from my Air Force bound grandson Saturday night. He brought his girlfriend with him. I was the distraction while others prepared her sweet 16 surprise birthday party. If I had my choice of young ladies I'd choose for my oldest grandson...she'd be my pick. They compliment each other perfectly.

As I watch their young love blossom, I can't help but be thankful. Thankful for their mutual respect for each other. Thankful that love still exists and can be shared. And yes, thankful this grandson is taking this relationship slowly. He told me that he knew if he ever messed up with a girl that I'd be seriously disappointed in him so he can wait for the relationship to grow before taking it to the next level. "Grandma, you told me to respect women always and I plan to do just that." Now that statement not only made me thankful but very proud of him. I've always had a very open and honest relationship with my grands.

Every day that passes brings me closer to my moving date. I look around at this town that only had 15K people in it when I first moved here to the now 100K and moving away is bittersweet. But then again, I look forward to fulfilling a long sought after dream/goal. It's tough.

For my New Year's resolution I once again put down losing weight. Isn't that on everybody's list? It's just getting too hard to move this 180 lbs of bulk around. But feeling ill like I had been I really didn't feel like eating much anyhow. According to my cardiologist's scale, I've lost seven pounds this week. That's not counting the 15 lbs of fluid that I gained and lost in my CHF phase. I had made a huge pot of vegetable soup last weekend. It filled almost three, gallon zip lock bags. I just kept adding vegetables that I wanted to eat before I knew it, I had enough to feed an army. I was also trying to clean out my freezer too.

But then I got nostalgic for the Japanese foods I'd had growing up I knew my local Asian food store

Inarizushu

did not have the shaved bonito flakes and the inarizushi (fried bean curds pockets) I was craving. Shaved bonito is a staple of Japanese cooking. I had asked if my local store could order it, but was told that I would have to order them by the case to the tune of $300. That seemed a little expensive for a craving. I went on Amazon and found canned inarizushi for $14 a can of fourteen. The bonito flakes were just as high and I thought it was outrageous! I knew there had to be a better price out there. I hit the jackpot. Inarizushi for $3.50 and a full pound of bonito flakes for $10. I jumped on it buying several of each. I even found the dried green peas my #2 grandson LOVES. These are not the wasabi peas that can be found in most grocery stores, but roasted and dried green peas just rolled in sweet rice and soy flour. I added several 1/2 lb bags to the order. My total plus shipping was less than $50!

So what does this have to do with what I was talking about...cravings, diets, and nostalgia? I'm moving and was afraid that I wouldn't find these pleasure again. If a town the size of this one didn't carry them then I knew where I was moving to wouldn't. It was a panic move on my part. So took about a week to have it arrive at my doorstep. I immediately made a small pot of short grained rice. The fact that white rice is a no-no carb flew out the window as I devoured the first one in a couple bites and then savored the next four. Yes, I made a pig out of myself. But I also was saying good bye to a large part of my life too. I still have a gallon and a half of vegetable soup in my freezer to enjoy too.

I guess the point of this rambling blog is don't be afraid when venturing forth. When feeling peaky and just totally yuck, it's okay to cave, pamper, and spoil yourself. Life's too short to not live it to its fullest.