- Fear is the enemy.
- Fear produces nothing but insecurity.
- Fear can paralyze.
- Fear is counterproductive.
With my previous agents both vying for me to sign with them again... With the talk of a bidding war for publishing right... With me only halfway finished with the rough draft. All of it is adding extra pressure on me. I should be totally excited and invigorated to finish, but I'm not. So it makes me wonder if I'm not afraid. There are few things in this world that frighten me barring snakes, so why this? Why now? It's not like I haven't been here before. I have. Granted it's been twenty years since my last bidding war, but I have been here before.
Yes, I've had a stroke, but I typed 37K words in a matter of months one-handed. Too many irons in the pot with too many distractions? Possibly. I can't focus as well as I used to. Lack of drive stemming from constant fatigue? That's another factor too. I used to be the type of person that operated very well on three or four hours of sleep at night. While awake I burned the candle at both ends and in the middle. Now it's more fizzle time. Maybe I'm paying for forty years of doing that.
Is it fear? Is it insecurity? Is it laziness? Is this the end? I'm just wondering.