Thursday, May 9, 2013
The Fast Getaway
I hear you, "But Jo, I've read your blog almost everyday and you say you haven't written." Nope not even written. I did a fast getaway.The beauty of the scheduler. I've slept and read more, and just vegetated. Movement of my right arm causes the spasms and spastcity to increase thus pain levels. My right ankle has regressed to the point of me considering using my wheelchair full time.
I dreamed of an out of body experience where I left this body and mind behind, and I could do everything again. Instead of being trapped in a body that couldn't do much. There was comfort in those fast getaways and I chose to stay in them. Everyone needs a break sometimes, but where can you actually getaway to if you have to take your body with you? Yep, I'm talking about a major depressive state.
Well, to make a drag on story short, I'm over it now. My mind is still a bit foggy, but I'm attributing it to the increase of medications I'm taking to combat the pain I'm in. AND so I begin again. It's time to get off the pity pot and fight FOR me and not AGAINST me.
The Pink House on the Corner blog went through a similar state a couple of weeks ago from the caregiver side. But unlike her I'm the stroke survivor and the caregiver for my husband. Wohoo! The double helpings for me. Everyone just loves double helpings, don't they? I
That's the beauty of living a glass half full kind of life. Even so, there are limits to my positive attitude. At times like this is when friends and family come into play as my lifesavers. A few days here and there are fine, but not anything longer. They spring into action unbidden.
I've touched a lot of lives in my professional capacity as a minister and just being me. In my life, The picture of the five scoops are the "reap what you sow" kind of things in relationships I've developed over the years.
After I calmed down, explained to my husband what was going on, and looked at my phone to see who was insistently calling when I was speaking to my, now former, lawyer. It was my daughter, Jennifer. I called her back to make sure nothing was terribly wrong because she's coming down to visit over Mother's Day weekend with my youngest grandson and granddaughter.
Nothing was wrong. She had a story to tell me. A couple of weeks ago for my birthday. She came to visit during the week for several days. She took with her all my blankets to wash in her new fangled, high efficiency washer with a steam cycle. While she was here she did the mortal combat maneuver with the spider population in my house. Think back to my Creepy Crawlies excerpt. Remember I can't look up and get the cobwebs and keep my balance. She's deathly afraid of spiders, but loves her momma more.
She had me rolling with laughter which broke my depressive state. This time I was crying and my throat was constricting with merriment. Now I fully expect to get these depressive states again, but I know my family and friends will snap me back if I can't break the cycle myself.