AFO Update

Well, I went back to Hanger for my appointment. They examined my foot and leg carefully. They cut down the back of the AFO, and then decided to recast the leg for another AFO. I was told to wear the new, cut down AFO for only one hour a day. One hour?!! When you consider the time it takes to put the AFO on and the shoe, and changing it out for one hour a day, it doesn't seem worth it. Meanwhile, I'm back in my old AFO that causes stress fractures. Coupled with my busy lifestyle, it's a pimple on a boil.

I know there's tweaking that has to be done with any orthotic device. But having to remold a new AFO! Come on, really? I try to be a patient soul, but this is my mobility. and I'm dealing with pressure sores to boot. All this hardly instills confidence in this orthotics office. The Hanger in the Golden Isles got nothing but praise from me for 5 out of 6 years living post stroke. This one, not so much. Right now, I wish there was another orthotics place short of driving to Atlanta and takes my BCBS supplemental insurance. They all take Medicare.

Anyhow, the new AFO should be ready May 6th. We'll see how they do. What other choice do I have?

Sunday Stroke Survival: Is Making Do Good Enough?

At times I wonder why I'm pushing myself so hard, to be better. I've accomplished so much in regaining my life in the almost six years since my first stroke. I'm following my dream although it's not the way I dreamed it. Why isn't making do good enough for me? For me, it's never good enough. I usually become retrospective around my birthday that just passed.

I mean really? Since my stroke, my ministry has changed to where I no longer deal with the general masses. It's now focused on those souls who are facing life altering events. I guess really it has always been there, but now it's more exclusively this. God has sent me on an unexpected journey through this experience, doesn't He always? He has never let me get comfortable or complacent in my lot in life. But then again, I'm thankful for this because I never stray from Him. He's always on my mind and heart as it should be.

My novel writing career is over. I won't say permanently, but for now. I'm still attempting nonfiction daily with iffy results. But I'm attempting to regain that part of my life too.

Why do I push myself to go and look beyond what I can do now? I mean I can knit, spin yarn,attempting to crochet again, learning how to weave cloth, garden, care for small livestock, cook up a storm, preserve what I grow and cook, walk around 1/2 an acre homestead out of two acres with little difficulty, tend a wood stove for heat, and a slew of other things. I'd say I've beaten my stroke except I haven't. I'm making do and blessed by it.

It's God's blessing and curse for me to strive to be better than I am. I know, I know. I shouldn't call it a curse because it truly is a blessing that He's given EVERY soul the desire to be the best they can be. I always say my stubbornness and attitude are my saving Grace when dealing with living post stroke. I just won't settle for good enough. I want the best. Isn't that a human nature thing? I believe most human nature things are from God. An emptiness that only He can fill or inspire to fill.

I should be satisfied with with what I've accomplished so far and quit striving for more? Why do I want more? Life abhors a vacuum. It doesn't stand still. It is constantly changing. Therefore, we are constantly adapting in our lives. Maybe not as great as the challenge of recovering from a stroke, but  we all adapt to our situations in different ways; some small ways and some not so small.

Some things I just straight settle for now. Notice I use the word "now." It's always for now because with practice, I find easier and better ways to accomplish the task. Some things I put off doing because of time constraints or more likely frustration level. But, they are revisited another time like using hedge clippers one handed. I haven't mastered this, but can use them one-handed in a pinch. In a much earlier blog, I used this as an example of being impossible to do. Nothing is impossible, as my tagline reads.
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How do you know if you can succeed at something, if you don't try? You don't. That's why I try everything. I don't always succeed the first time or the twentieth.Sometimes, I'll chock it up to I can't do it right now. Again, that qualifier word is used. When I stood up for this first time after my stroke, I was wobbly like a child testing his boundaries. It got easier and better as I practiced. The point is I tried to stand in the first place. Or should I say, the therapist made me. I was terrified, but as I continued to try I gained confidence in my ability and the fear dissipated. This is as it always is. It's fear of the unknown and pushing the envelop of what is.

After all...

Nothing is impossible.

New AFO Woes

Whenever, when living post stroke, you get a new pair of shoes or AFO (ankle foot orthotic) there's an adjustment period. During this period, there's the breaking in of the new stuff. Whether it's learning how to walk again because your leg has to adjust to the position it's now in, or a different balance point, or you have to wear the brace so many hours off and on during this time.

For me, it's been constant adjustments over the past six years. Whether it's been a new shoes , or AFO every year or every couple of years respectively. I've had a new AFO three times and numerous adjustments because I'm living my life post stroke. Nothing every stops me. It might delay me or slow me down, but never stops me from what I want/need to do.

Sounds like a big hassle, doesn't it? Yes, it is and no, it isn't. Anything is better than not being able to walk. So the hassles are worth it to me. Take my broken foot for instance. I'd just bought two new pairs of shoes back in November.

All the adjustment period to the new shoes was done. I was walking okay, sort of, when I ended up with three fractures in my AFO clad foot. So yet another adjustment period was needed because the AFO or the position the AFO had my foot was in caused the fractures. So something needed to be done to correct the problem. First, a mid sole rocker was placed on my right shoe of my affected foot. So I was learning to walk on my heel with this adjustment. Then, the orthotic practitioner cut the heel bump up for my contracted Achilles tendon down by half. This was a major adjustment to contend with. My Achilles tendon was now pulling and trying to stretch with the new adjustment. It sort of felt like I was walking on a sprained ankle at the end of the day. As a last resort, a new AFO was ordered and fitted.

I began a new breaking in period for the AFO. Wearing it for a few hours each day and swapping it out for the old one in between times. I mentioned the fact that it seemed high in the back and it could possibly cause some problems rising with knee movement to my practitioner when I first tried it on. She said she didn't want to cut down the back because the length was more stable. Well, my mistake, I bowed to her judgement. It was only a matter of days, rising up off the sofa, or any chair that was standard height for a nasty cut to form behind my kneecap. I slapped some antibiotic ointment on it and kept an extra large Band-Aid on it to prevent it happening again. I would address the issue with her in a month at my followup appointment.

As time went on, I worked my way up to four hours in the off and on cycle. I noticed redness on my foot and ankle. But the redness went away during the off time of the new AFO. Redness is a stage 1 pressure sore if it doesn't resolve. Yes, my foot was straight. I could walk better. I even lost the tilt my old AFO caused in my balance. I could walk upright with very little of a hobble while wearing the new AFO. I loved it! My balance and gait were almost normal.

My therapist was concerned with the redness and played the twenty questions game with me. This session she was working on my foot and Achilles tendon stretches. She massaged the area of redness trying to reduce the swelling and redness as she stretched.  After an hour of this she talked to me very candidly. I shouldn't wear the new AFO until it was fixed. In one spot of three, she gauged the pressure sore below my ankle at a stage three although it had not broken the outer skin. The blister went deep and it was only matter of a short time that it would break the outer skin if not hours. I'm no stranger with pressure sores. The fact that I now have three spots where I previously had none was concerning.

As a previously insulin dependent diabetic, I still pay special attention to my feet. Because of the aneurysms in both femoral arteries, I pay extra special care of my feet because of poor circulation. Although I talked about amputating my affected leg below the knee, I really don't want to do it this way. I also don't want to go through numerous pressure sores either until a thick callus can form like it has on the side and sole of my affected foot.

So yet another trip to the orthotic place is in order. I want this fixed before I develop worse pressure sores, obviously. Also I paid out of pocket for my shoes adjustments, and a couple hundred dollars (the balance of my deductible) for the AFO. It is laying on the foot of my bed while I'm making do with my old one. The good news is that the pressure sores have healed now. I still get that sprained ankle feel at the end of the day. I also have the foot pain like a knife periodically because I'm wearing the old brace. So 7AM Thursday, I'm making the thirty minute drive via interstate bypass and city driving at rush hour to Hanger...more like 45 minutes. I hope they can fix it.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: If At First You Don't Succeed...

You all know the old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Doesn't it ring true in spades living post stroke? I know it does for me. First attempts are often failures. Sometimes I get lucky and I actually get it right the first time, but not often.

I picked the Confucius quote to emphasize why you should keep trying. I know, I know. You once mastered the skills you are trying to learn again, just like me. I have an issue with comparing what I do now with what I could do before my stroke. I'm constantly telling myself to STOP THAT, but the memory still creeps in.  My goal should be to unlock the door to personal excellence now living post stroke.

As teenagers taking driver's ed, we were taught stop, look, listen. Yes, I know I just aged myself yet again. As if my fast approaching birthday wasn't reminder enough. Anyhow, the same applies in this situation.

STOP- beating yourself up with comparing what you could do before your stroke to after. The fact is that is the past and this is today. You can only go forward from this point in time. Sometimes, you are your own worse enemy. I'm very guilty of this. Kicking yourself is detrimental to any successful outcome.This applies to anytime you are sitting on the self pity pot too.

LOOK- you have conquered so much already. I always say to think retrospectively. Think back to when the world as you knew it ended. The first week after your stroke. You can substitute any personal disaster you like here as it pertains to your situation. Was the effort you made a total failure even though you tried hard? Probably not. You succeeded in trying something you hadn't done since your stroke. With each successive attempt, you will notice improvement in a relearned skill.


Who really cares if you can't remember a word and you tell the listening party, "this isn't the right word but." You are communicating with another living soul. That's what counts. With my daughter's aphasia she would describe what the word was that she was trying to say when talking to others. "It's yellow, long, a fruit, monkeys eat it. As the listener, you tell her "a banana?" She would respond, "Yeah, that's it!" and go on with what she was originally talking about. For me and my aphasia it's, "This is not the right word but" and go on with what I was saying. I'm just thankful that I can talk with someone else again. Listening is an important skill. As the survivor, you relearn syntax and absorb new ways of learning/relearning by listening. Granted in the beginning, it's OTs, PTs, and speech therapists you are listening to.

You hear that Jo? Are you listening as well as typing? If not reinforced by the mere writing of these words, I'll hammer them into my psyche during the umpteen editing passes where I'll read this a dozen times before publishing it.

"Thanks, Jo. I needed to remind myself to stop, look, and listen more."
"You are welcome." <grinning>

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: It's the Little Things That Count

There must be a thousand little things that I now do as second nature without thinking in living post stroke. I got to thinking about them when I got my shower this morning. Some I've mentioned here eons ago and others I have not.  It may just help someone out there. The point is that I took the time after my stroke to think these through before doing them just after my stroke almost six years ago. Now, they are habits.

I got my clothes out of the dresser and stacked them in the order I would need to put them on after I dried myself. I have a storage basket within easy reach of the shower chair for my stack of fresh clothes. I just push it between the tub and the commode when I'm not showering. It also holds my extra pouf, shampoo, and liquid bath soap. I make my own and reuse a previously bought pump bottle of liquid soap. Don't you just hate finding you are out of something in the middle of a shower?

In the old days, BS (before stroke), I'd get dressed from the top down. My bra, shirt, underwear, pants, socks, shoes. Now I dress just the opposite. I need my AFO to stand and balance so my legs and feet get dried first while I'm on the shower chair. I'll don my socks first. My AFO is next while I'm still seated. My socks are on the top of the pile. Next I'll grab my panties. Once they are pulled knee high, I'll insert the urinary pad and grab my pants. I always lay my pants flat against my body the front side up to stop me from putting them on backwards. Too many times have I put them on backwards and didn't realize it until I was pulling them up. I'll pull these up to clear my feet and also about knee high. Then, I'll stand up to pull both the rest of the way up being careful not to get my panties in a wad.  I'll put on my shoes next for better balance. When buying new jeans I make sure of a couple of things before I order them: they are elastic waist (it's faster and easier to get them off on my double Lasix days), they have pockets (preferably deep pockets since I don't carry a purse) and lastly that they are flared or boot cut (easier to pull on over my AFO).

Oh, to make reaching those hard to reach spots, I use a  Pouf on a handle.I found mine at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. One side is nylon mesh and the other is a loofah for those spots that really need a good scrubbing. I'd be lost without one of these. I can used a washcloth in a pinch, but this one adaptive tool takes most of the aggravation out of bathing with one hand on a shower chair. When I go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I always buy two of these at a time. The nylon mesh is notorious for coming apart and nothing is worse than being halfway through a shower when it unravels on you.I do miss standing up in the shower.

I'll head over to the sink to finish drying my hair and comb it out of my eyes. Notice I haven't put on my over the shoulder boulder holder or shirt yet. At the sink, I put on deodorant and prepare to brush my teeth. I had bought a Spin Brush (battery operated toothbrush) prior to my stroke. Speaking of deodorant, a person asked me how I applied it one handed. This person recently had surgery and was one handed while she healed and said her wrists wouldn't bend enough to apply it. .First, I use a stick style, solid deodorant.  I'll twist the bar all the way up, and then lean forward until I can reach the spot it needs to be applied to. I'll then roll the stick back down and recap it.

I usually make a mess brushing my teeth. I wish I could blame it on my stroke, but I had this problem BS. I find with a the battery powered toothbrush it's easier to apply toothpaste to because it stays where I put it. I do use Rebecca's trick with the washcloth when I don't have mine. In case you were wondering, this same toothbrush is still going strong after 7 years of twice daily use. How's that for an endorsement? Now, the small trick I do with the toothpaste is I use the edge of the sink to push out the amount of toothpaste I need and then apply it to my toothbrush. Sure, I could just squeeze the middle of the tube, but I'd have to straighten it out eventually, so I save myself a step. I've finally used all the removable cap tubes of toothpaste. Yeah! Now, I've got the flip caps. 

All the time spent doing this partially unclothed isn't an oversight. There is a method to my madness. While I'm doing these other things, my hair and back have a chance to dry. Even though I've used a towel on these areas, any dampness will cause my bra and shirt to wad up. I've almost eliminated this problem by doing the other things first. Now, I'll don my bra and shirt. Since my stroke, I've eliminated the standard over the shoulder boulder holder for yoga crop tops. My twins are rather substantial and a sleep bra just doesn't provide enough support. While the yoga top doesn't lift and separate like a conventional bra will, it does offer lined, firm support and they are cheaper than regular bras too. At my age, I'm beyond caring about having perky breasts. The gardens, chickens, and rabbits don't seem to mind at all.Yes, I know how to fasten  a regular bra and put it on. I had an excellent occupational therapist who showed me how, but I'm beyond all of that. I  am as I am and I just want them controlled to lessen the chance of them blackening my eyes.

Now, for me, donning compression knee-highs one-handed is an inch worm game. I will usually put on regular knee highs after a shower to let them absorb any extra moisture. Once I've done everything else, I'll head to the bedroom and put these on. Yes, it means undoing my shoes, AFO, and socks, but now my legs are really dry so it's easier. Baby powder works wonders for getting these on one- handed. I'll sprinkle some on my bare feet and legs. The only down side is the drying effect the powder has.

I usually start with my affected side first because it's the hardest. Remember my spastic toes? My big toe points up and the rest either splay out or curl under depending on which muscles in my calf and foot are affected. Getting a regular sock on is trying, but a compression sock would try the patience of Job. But still it has to be done. So I corral my toes one at a time if need be and slide the sock over the ball of the foot smoothing as best that I can. The next major obstacle is getting the compression sock over my heel, then ankle. A shoe horn works wonders, but it's hard on the stockings. I'll roll the sock up my calf smoothing as I go. If there is any bunching, I have to straighten it before going and farther. It can take upwards of fifteen minutes getting this one sock on, and then I repeat it on the other side. But my functioning foot and leg can flex to ease the process. My old cardiologist once told me that I needed thigh high compression hose, but I looked at her as if she was insane. I told her that I'd only wear them if she came every morning and put them on me. She dropped the subject and instantly decided that knee highs were good enough.

Moving on to my favorite subject...cooking and cleaning.

When cooking I now use a variety of gadgets. My absolute favorites are my Ulu knife (Thank you, John!) and my Tornado can opener. Both are cheap enough (under $10) rather than the specialty adaptive varieties. I also use a Santoku knife. The Tornado can opener is an As-Seen-On-TV battery operated can opener. A little gimmicky but it works. I also paid good money for a Swedish Adaptive cutting board just after my stroke, but now I opted for regular cutting boards mostly. I just use the groove cut into the meat carving side to hold rolling vegetables like the first cut of an onion or carrots. I found this trick when I picked a half bushel of peaches from a neighbor's orchard two years ago. The fruit was too soft for the pins in my Swedish cutting board to hold it steady to pit the peach. Now it's my go to way of cutting any fruit or vegetable.


My other gadget that I love is my Vidala onion chopper. I can quite a bit of vegetable soup each year. Pickle relish with the fine grate is fast. I can chopped three quarts worth of zucchini and onions inside of thirty minutes. It's a fast, easy way to get uniform chopped vegetable. Making tuna or egg salad sandwich filling is a breeze with this thing. Although chopping hard boiled eggs posed a messy cleaning issue for this chopper, I did find a solution for this, a baby bottle brush that we use to clean the rabbit water bottles. Even my stepmother uses this chopper for potato salad. Yes, a food processor will do the same thing but it takes electricity and I don't have one of those. I may eventually break down and buy one this year though because grating homemade soap for laundry detergent has burned up two blender motors. I see them all the time at second hand stores. It almost makes me have doubts about buying one.

For cleaning the bathtub and dishes, I swear by Scotch-Brite sponges. They are worth every penny I pay extra for them. They'll last twice as long as the other brands which actually makes them cheaper in the long run. I'll keep one in the kitchen for dishes and one in my bathtub. Rectangle ones are the best (no curved corners) to get into corners.

When I shower, after I finish with the bathing part, I'll use my feet to scrub my bathtub with this scouring sponge. I don't have a back to my shower chair so I can pivot around to get the other half of the tub.  Before I thought of doing this, scrubbing out the bathtub was a dangerous proposition. I'd have to climb in with sponge and cleaner, stoop down into the slippery mess and scrub. Many times, I slipped and fallen or almost fallen doing this chore.

My February 4th blog, "It's Overwhelming" brought me a slew of emails on how I hand wash dishes. I answered each and every one of you, but thought this might help others too. Once again, it's Scotch-Brite and Dawn to the rescue. Try as I might, I can't reproduce a dish detergent that works as well. Smart shopping by using coupons and sales together, I'll usually pay less than 10 cents a bottle. I can't make it for that cheap. I strongly dislike oily feeling water while washing dishes. Now being one-handed, oily dishes mean slippery, broken dishes.

similar to a hand holding the pot

How I wash pots is I wedge the pot handle into the left or right corner of the sink and pull the sponge towards me. The downward pressure of me using the sponge in this fashion wedges the handle firmly in place so it doesn't spin or move while I'm scrubbing. I lift it out of the water to check that I've gotten the inside clean, and then do the outside the same way. I'll do the same with baking dishes and loaf pans. The downward motion of the sponge keeps it from moving too much. For pie pans, I'll hold the pan under water with the palm of my hand, and use the sponge and my fingertips to scrub outwards. Then, I'll spin the pie pan to clean another section until it's clean. I should mention at this point that I do get splashed with soapy water when I do dishes, but it gets done. I wear an full apron or change my t-shirt after I'm through.

For plates, I use rubber shelf liners or one of Mel's thick dishcloths in the bottom of the sink to makes the job go faster. The dishes don't spin and move as I wash them.

These are just a few tricks and tips I've learned living post stroke. There are tons more, but they'll have to wait for another day.

Nothing is impossible.