I mean really? Since my stroke, my ministry has changed to where I no longer deal with the general masses. It's now focused on those souls who are facing life altering events. I guess really it has always been there, but now it's more exclusively this. God has sent me on an unexpected journey through this experience, doesn't He always? He has never let me get comfortable or complacent in my lot in life. But then again, I'm thankful for this because I never stray from Him. He's always on my mind and heart as it should be.
My novel writing career is over. I won't say permanently, but for now. I'm still attempting nonfiction daily with iffy results. But I'm attempting to regain that part of my life too.
Why do I push myself to go and look beyond what I can do now? I mean I can knit, spin yarn,attempting to crochet again, learning how to weave cloth, garden, care for small livestock, cook up a storm, preserve what I grow and cook, walk around 1/2 an acre homestead out of two acres with little difficulty, tend a wood stove for heat, and a slew of other things. I'd say I've beaten my stroke except I haven't. I'm making do and blessed by it.
It's God's blessing and curse for me to strive to be better than I am. I know, I know. I shouldn't call it a curse because it truly is a blessing that He's given EVERY soul the desire to be the best they can be. I always say my stubbornness and attitude are my saving Grace when dealing with living post stroke. I just won't settle for good enough. I want the best. Isn't that a human nature thing? I believe most human nature things are from God. An emptiness that only He can fill or inspire to fill.
I should be satisfied with with what I've accomplished so far and quit striving for more? Why do I want more? Life abhors a vacuum. It doesn't stand still. It is constantly changing. Therefore, we are constantly adapting in our lives. Maybe not as great as the challenge of recovering from a stroke, but we all adapt to our situations in different ways; some small ways and some not so small.
Some things I just straight settle for now. Notice I use the word "now." It's always for now because with practice, I find easier and better ways to accomplish the task. Some things I put off doing because of time constraints or more likely frustration level. But, they are revisited another time like using hedge clippers one handed. I haven't mastered this, but can use them one-handed in a pinch. In a much earlier blog, I used this as an example of being impossible to do. Nothing is impossible, as my tagline reads.
How do you know if you can succeed at something, if you don't try? You don't. That's why I try everything. I don't always succeed the first time or the twentieth.Sometimes, I'll chock it up to I can't do it right now. Again, that qualifier word is used. When I stood up for this first time after my stroke, I was wobbly like a child testing his boundaries. It got easier and better as I practiced. The point is I tried to stand in the first place. Or should I say, the therapist made me. I was terrified, but as I continued to try I gained confidence in my ability and the fear dissipated. This is as it always is. It's fear of the unknown and pushing the envelop of what is.
Nothing is impossible.