Sunday Stroke Survival: Breathing a Bit Easier

 Sigh! Better late than never.

The past two weeks, I've had a difficulty breathing. Yes, all that extra fluid from my ill heart finally hit my lungs. I knew it was happening and knew it would without a cardiologist's help. Lasix in high doses can be a scary thing, even for me. My wheezing got so bad, I could barely manage ten steps to the bathroom without getting raspy breaths let alone back to my seat again. I hit my inhaler so often I barely needed the drugs to raise my heart rate. My inhaler is albuterol so it raised my heart rate and blood pressure. Yes, it was that bad.

I've finally got a local cardiologist!!! Or, will have after the 13th. I just have to hold out until then. What was really shocking to me was my weight gain. Now knowing I have a heart issue, I weigh myself every morning. For me, it's the best indicator of how much of a fluid load I'm carrying. I went to my late afternoon neurology appointment and as part of my check in I got on the scale. I can usually count on a 1-5lb variance between my at home scale and any doctor's office scale. But the reading showed as 15lbs higher!! There was no way I could have gained 10lbs in less than 12 hours. This was fluid weight. My feet were puffy and my middle was muffin topped over my jeans. No wonder I was huffing and puffing over the walk to the treatment room, several hundred feet. When listening with a stethoscope my lower lungs sounded wet like I'm going into CHF (congestive heart failure).

With my midodrine and metotoprol taken early in the AM by the appointment time, my heart rate and BP was in normal limits, 72 & 124/80. Imagine what it would be without the drugs and the walking. So when I got home, I doubled my old dose of Lasix to 40 mg and spent the next 8 hours peeing every 10-20 minutes urinating. The next morning, I held off the Lasix until noon because that's when the weight piled on from fluid back up began. It was after I started my daily routine and I was up on my feet more. Sure enough, my wright was up 5lbs heavier than my first rising weight. By 1PM, my weight was up  7lbs when I took my 40mg of Lasix again. My side note was that I noticed my affected foot's shoe began feeling tight. I'd found an important indicator to the fluid build up. 

After looking at the situation realistically, I bought diapers to see me through until my cardiologist's appointment.  You see I don't know how to juggle my meds any more than I've done so far. I may need some other medical intervention like a pacemaker or a total change in medications. Both of those take a doctor. Since my bladder sling tore, my urge to urinate and actually going is about 30 seconds. It's no longer a small to medium gush of urine, easily handled by a pad. But with the Lasix, it's a GUSH that lasts several seconds and repeats with every step until I reach the commode. Think of turning on the tap full force for a 5-second increments. Even having 20 pair of panties and pads can't keep up with the flows with the Lasix. Even with a diaper, pants or shorts are left in the drawer for at least the first four hours after taking the Lasix. It's just one more thin between my backside and the commode and every second counts...even diapers have their limits. I have thought about upping my dose to 60mg of Lasix but I'm not comfortable with that without medical supervision, I'd bought a 90-day prescription the week my old cardiologist changed my dose to as needed so I have plenty.

I've been watching the flooding with Hurricane Ida, I've been going through the similar battle with my body. I hope the cardiologist has an answer I can live with...anything less than a transplant and open heart surgery. This is where I draw the line and refuse. But at least now they know what causes my v-fib and cardiac arrest during surgery...a drug allergy to propofol, an anesthesia med. Sharp, good work Emory team for the diagnosis! It was traced back to my egg yolk allergy. How's that for great detective work?

For now, I'm breathing easier and moving again. I caught russet potatoes on sale this week so I canned up some more French fries and some great waxy, baby potatoes to can whole. Every little bit counts.

Nothing is impossible. 

Sunday Stroke Survival: Flipping the Wardrobe Time Again

I was beginning to think this day would not come until later, but the daytime highs are broaching 80 again. Thank goodness! I really knew it would happen, but the question was when. My sweaters, sweatshirts, and flannels will be packed away for another few months. It's shorts and t-shirt weather!!!!

I've transitioned back into wearing urinary incontinence pads full time again. I got fed up with having to get undressed from the waist down to change my pull up diapers. It took me months to reach this stage. I'm still not mostly in control like I was before the surgeries last year, but in control enough to pitch the diapers. I'll still have accidental floods. I can name two causes. One is running water. I don't care if I relieved myself five minutes prior, I'll stiIl flood the pad. The second one is partially my fault of not minding the time and my fluid intake very well.  The simple act of trying to stand will cause a flood upon gaining my feet and every step to the bathroom.

As most people who wear an AFO to stand and walk can attest to, having to get up in the middle of the night to urinate is a possible fail. When you are awakened by your bladder, you just can't jump out of bed and go. If it were that simple, I'd have no problem. But first you have to put on your AFO fastening the straps most times in the dark. I keep a nightlight on. Don your shoes, and then get up to go to the bathroom. If your bladder is really full, nine times out of ten, your bladder starts to release as soon as you are upright and gravity has its two cents to add. It takes really strong pelvic floor muscles to contain the urine. Unfortunately, mine were impaired by my strokes and surgeries. Having gravity's pull on the sphincter, is too great. I oft time do not make it to the toilet. I do manage enough control over the onslaught to get it from running down my legs.

That leads to another issue with colder weather. I can't wear flannel bottoms of my pajamas. The more that gets in my way between my bottom and the toilet is too much to deal with. So my legs are freezing by the time I finish the chore. Hello, warm weather! I can sleep in a XL t-shirt and panties. But even that, often my panties and t-shirt are soaked, and then I have to clean myself up too. After all this rigamarole, I'm wide awake and can't go back to sleep. It doesn't matter that I just went to sleep a couple hours before. I'll have to get up and do something for a couple hours before I can sleep again. Talk about a messed up sleep pattern.

So as I type this, I'm clad in my t-shirt and panties, and enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea. Good morning. The fact that it's two o'clock in the morning is besides the point. It's going to be a long day. Maybe, I'll catch a nap this afternoon...probably not. More than likely, I'll doze off while watching the two shows we watch after dinner. I guess I could be lazy and just put on a pull up diaper at night again. Nah, where's the adventure in that?

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Strke Survival: Urinary Incontinence Retraining

No, I don't wear XL

So it begins again! Back in October, I talked about my routine of changing my diapers with the cooler weather. Well, here it is almost the end of January and I'm just so over it! The circus act of changing my diaper, undressing and dressing and all of it. It's time t retrain my bladder.It started when I found urinary pads abut the same price as my diapers were. On a fixed income, price for these incidentals is important. While I still had a bag of of diapers left, I was buying them by the case, I bought a bag these urinary pads. I always found them too expensive to buy them before I found the Seni brand at my local grocery store. They were the same price

of my usual Always maxi pads and my diapers. I decided to give them a try. I'd use my diapers at night and on trips out until I got farther into my retraining program.

I started with Elevator, Kegel, exercises to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles and watching the clock. I set the alarm on my phone for every hour. I've been at it a month now. It's still a hit or miss as far as making it to the bathroom in time, but the urinary pads absorbs urine quicker. With doing just the Kegel exercises, my pelvic floor is getting stronger, but with the lack of feeling in that area is still problematic. The 3-second warning that I have to urinate (tug around my navel) remains the same. I'm not sure how to fix this. For now, I'm ignoring it by using the clock.

Fluid intake monitoring is also part of retraining my bladder. I have to be careful with this because of my kidney problems and episodes of low blood pressures. Yes, the low blood pressure blessing still continues, but it's a double edged sword. Especially at night when it's normal for blood pressures to drop. For me, the drop is dangerously low (40s) even with the medication.

Each month, I'll add ten minutes to the timer as long as I don't have an accident. So that's the plan. Let the retraining begin. I'm thinking like this is a Olympic event rather than what it is...retraining my bladder function yet again. It's whatever I tell myself to get through this. With each new stroke I have setting me back some, the term relearning gets old fast. The do-over gets tiring, but I keep at it. Why? Because, I'm too mean to die, too stubborn to give up, but must most importantly my life is in God's hands. As such, I'll continue to live this life as fully as I can.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Time to Flip the Wardrobe

With the cooler days and nights, it's time to flip the wardrobe. Gone are the easy days of T-shirts and shorts which comprises the bulk of my dressing options for these north Georgia foothills. They are exchanged for sweaters, sweatshirts, and long pants.

This year in thinking of this change, I'm facing a new complication. Adult diapers, more exactly changing them. It's more complicated than with shorts which slide off and on easily over my AFO and shoes. With long pants, it mean taking off my shoes, sliding my pants off, changing my pull up, and repeating the process in reverse before leaving the bathroom. I'm basically getting halfway undressed and redressing every time I do this. The few times I've done this in the spring and summer months showed me it's going to be a long, hard winter. Sure you can rip the sides to get out of them easy enough to do with two functioning hands, but more difficult with only one. It still doesn't alleviate having to undress to put on the clean one.

I've been researching patterns to make durable options like I did with the pads.  Unlike the pads where I could trace the disposable pad I liked the best, full "panties" are different and I'd need a pattern that don't come cheap.  Then comes the problem of size. While regular underwear patterns patterns go by waist size, while my normal waist size is is spot on a size 7, there are extra seam allowances for the snapping portions. several small elastic placements at the waist to hold up a wet diaper. It's not like sewing regular panties because of the absorbent padding makes for extra bulk. It'll take a lot of elastic work to accomplish.

 Sewing elastic onto fabric with two functioning hands is easy. I've just got to figure out a way to do it with one hand. It may be as simple as using a dozen pins the maintain the stretch while sewing and a loop at the back of the sewing machine to hold the fabric straight while sewing or a  lot more complicated. I honestly haven't tried to do anything but flat, straight stitches yet.

I've already know how to attach the snaps through trial and errors in making my own pads. So that won't be a problem. That was a challenge and a half when I was trying to figure out how to do it.

Currently, I'm roughly going through a case of disposable diapers in a month. That's 54 of them to the tune of $22.50. That's about 12 per week. At $0.41 a piece, it's a decent price, but I'm trying for the ease of changing them without having to undress and redress each time. The cost difference will eventually save me money in the long run. The same was true for the chucks pads I use to protect the mattress or even the pads. Yes, I could buy these ready made, but they are cost prohibitive or it would take longer to reach a break even point.

But then on the other hand rethinking this, I'd go through acrobatic feats of wonder trying to do up all the snaps or Velcro with each change. It's a no win scenario for 6 months out of a year all to keep from undressing during the cold parts of fall and winter. I guess I grin and literally bare it, quite literally, until I get my somewhat bladder control back. Sigh!  This too is living post stroke.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Incontinence Revisited

Since my first Baclofen pump surgery in April, the marginal bladder control I had, since my first stroke, is gone. I used to feel the urge to go and make to the bathroom in time except for a little dribble. To handle this, I wore a pad. It worked well for almost 6 years.

To be honest, I had stress incontinence long before my stroke, but this was corrected by a sling  placement during the surgery to remove five tumors from my abdomen in 2006. The sling ruptured in 2013. My signal time to go and leakage dropped to 1 minute...about the time I could make it to the bathroom and not have an accident. The signal cue was delayed by my loosing sensory feeling in my peritoneal area with my first stroke. I now take my cues from my belly button. At the time, I was on Lasix also which only compounded the problem.

Since the trauma to the nerves in my lower spine during the baclofen pump placement, that cue of have to go to bathroom dropped to 3 seconds. I could barely stand up and get my legs straight when the flood started. It was no longer a trickle, but bladder emptying gushes of urine with every step with very little control. I made the decision to go back into diapers, or pull ups. Immediately I noticed a huge difference in price for a month's worth. The pull ups were cheaper than the Always pads I was buying. I was honestly surprised by this. The gushes being handled had the benefit of no more clothing changes, 3 or 4 showers daily, embarrassing accidents, and mental stress relief.

Now I know all about kegel exercises, timed bladder emptying, etc. I've worked on it all since April trying to get control of my bladder to no avail. With the pump removal, the trauma to those sensory nerves has doubled. I no longer have that cue at my belly button. Even with timed bladder emptying and fluid restriction, a gush can happen within 30 minutes after fully and conscientiously emptying my bladder. There is no controlling it or reteaching my bladder right now. So adult diapers are a necessity. I can accept that. Have I a choice, no. At least I've got my bowel control back after a month long battle with diarrhea (caused by a low fiber diet and meds they had me on) after my hospital stay.

So I've currently given up on my bladder control issues for the time being. I've got bigger irons in the fire that demand my immediate attention. Knowing from previous spinal traumas, it will take four to six months for the trauma to heal. By then, God willing, I'll have a new pump implanted setting the clock back again. I'm in no hurry. You can't fight your body's healing time. Every body heals differently and I know mine. I'm the Queen of Abby Normal, I take the maximum time to heal, and then some. I look at the time to heal as guidelines. Some heal faster and some heal slower, I'm a snail. I always have been since I hit forty and became an insulin dependent diabetic. Now that the diabetes is no more, I'm still a slow healer. Go figure.


I know I've said spinal trauma several times in this post. To me, due to my training, trauma is damage or shock to my spine. An intrusion or insult of a foreign substance, that causes pain and swelling displacing a normal condition. A catheter was fed from my lower spine to my cervical spine. For my height, that's almost a foot and a half.  The incision point, the insertion of the catheter, in the implantation they had oi chip a piece of my spine to anchor the leads, and stitches to hold everything in place. Plus, the catheter puts pressure along the spinal cord. All of that was traumatizing my spine and spinal cord.

Now with the pull ups, I can get up, and do within reason without having urine running down my legs by the time I get to the bathroom. I'm still in the recovering my stamina from my July stint in the hospital. I'm still not recovered it all yet. I may never will, but that remains to be seen. Such is life in an older body. Everyday, I push my boundaries. Some days I bounce back, and others I need a couple of days to bounce back. I've got until spring planting season to get it back. So I'll keep working at it.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: An Incontence Nightmare

Today it's raining. That's not a bad thing normally. We needed the rain for our orchard and garden areas. But today it has been horrible!

My first stroke deadened the sensory nerves to my peritoneal area. It some of the only sensory nerves that were damaged. Other than the right side of my face and a spot on my outer thigh, all of my other sensory nerves are in tact. Thus, the normal sensation of having to go to the bathroom is dulled. I actually rely on a tug around my belly button area to tell me I have to go if I'm not going by the clock. This creates a gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now situation. I'll start dribbling within a couple of minutes.

Going by the clock isn't always convenient. I could be anywhere on our cleared half acre property when this occurs. If I'm down on the lower tier of the orchard, it means getting on the yard tractor, riding up the terraces, getting off the tractor, climbing four steps, making my way through the house, and then getting my pants/shorts and underwear down before I can sit on the commode. I often don't make it before soaking my underwear and bottoms. This is even with wearing  a pad. You can't do a lot of these actions with your legs crossed to help contain the flow.

Oh no! Not math!

Add Lasix, a powerful diuretic, to the mix and you've got compound interest added. I take this diuretic to keep fluid away from compressing my heart. Without it, my body will hold over 13 pounds of fluid. It will back up in my lungs and squeeze my heart in a very unloving embrace throwing me into congestive heart failure. My cardiologist recently increased my daily dose of this drug because it wasn't pulling enough fluids out of my body. To give you an idea of how much fluid extra fluid I was carrying around, I lost 26 lbs in the first 48 hours! A gallon of fluid weighs about 8.3 lbs or 3.7 kg for my non US readers. You do the calculations for 26 lbs to kg. Any way you look at it, it's a lot of fluid via peeing. I was rarely more than ten steps away from the bathroom for hours. Any distance over ten steps requires bathing and a lower wardrobe change.

The increased Lasix did such a good job of keeping me out of heart failure, my cardiologist decided to keep me on the higher dose. I should be thankful, I could have been hospitalized. But the increased dosage of Lasix also puts additional strain on my poorly functioning kidneys too.

Now everyone knows that the sound running water will make you have to urinate. I'm no exception. Half an hour after I take my morning meds, which includes my Lasix, I'm sitting here around the corner from a bathroom awaiting my day at the races. It's raining outside and I'm making a hobbling sprints to the bathroom. Two hours later, after my fifth trip and one lower wardrobe change, it's still raining and my roommate decides to do a load of laundry. Now, I'm off again. I am sure to empty my bladder each time I go.

Everything gets put on hold. On today's chore list is making and canning tomato sauce. Just what I need...more running water. This time from the kitchen sink. I feel that familiar tug near my belly button. Dropping the two-gallon bag of frozen tomatoes on the counter and I'm off. I've got a choice of  because I'm between two bathrooms. I just make into Mel's master bathroom. Because of a Pavlov's dog type of conditioning, now just seeing the toilet starts a slow release of urine. I have to time the removal of my panties and be seated on the toilet, or be cleaning up the dribbled mess afterwards.

Drat, my poor damaged brain!

I wash my hand and reach for the hand towel. It wasn't hanging on the rack. Doh! Mel was doing her laundry. The idea of sticking my wet hand in the towel closet to retrieve a new one just didn't seem right. Besides, I would disturb her "pet" spider that lived there. He  is only four inches across. I have this relationship with nonpoisonous spiders, I don't bother

them unless they bother me. If Mel wanted to keep a spider in her bathroom linen closet, then she'd have to deal with the cobwebs. Then, I remembered I was going to stick my hand in water any way. I just shook the excess water from my hand and returned to the kitchen.

I grabbed the bag of frozen tomatoes and dumped them in the sink half full of water and grabbed another bag from the freezer. After dumping them into the basin, I swished them around with my hand. Mistake, a tug at my navel again. It had been less than twenty minutes since my last sojourn to the porcelain throne. This time I went to my bathroom. It was only a few steps more. My bladder couldn't be full again.

Once again, I'm hit with the dribbling stream at the sight of the toilet. I'd definitely have to change pads. My bladder was full. I returned to the kitchen. The tomatoes were slipping their skins and I placed them in a colander and refilled the sink with two more  two-gallon bags of tomatoes. I had twelve bags to do in total. I was then squeezing the tomatoes out of their skins and into my 16-qt stock pot to cook down.

My garden has been very productive this year. All of them had to be sauced today because of a half split of lamb was going into the freezer in two days. I didn't want to wait until the last minute to do the tomatoes because sauce takes time to make it good. I usually do this during winter when the heat and humidity are appreciated more. Better to do them before something else came up besides running to the bathroom.

Prime cuts of lamb

About the lamb,  a local, no chemical, pastured raised sheep operation cut me a deal on a split for less than $4 a lb. I may look crazy, but I ain't totally bonkers. I jumped at it.  With the lamb, I had no choice about doing the tomatoes. Plus, I'll get all the off cut like the pancreas, brains, kidneys, tongue, and intestines. When cooked right, these off cuts are a high dollar food in restaurants and I know how. The intestines will be washed, cleaned, and frozen in brine for breakfast sausage casings. The long bones will make excellent bone broth and dog bones later. I'll get them for almost free considering he discounted the lamb by $2 a pound for me. It sure beats the $6 or more a lb store prices. Fall lambs are not as tender as spring lambs, but to me there's little difference.

So for now, I'm weathering the storm literally and figuratively.

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Just Try Not to Grimce or Laugh- Just Try

Today is another story of living post stroke. Fair warning- just try not to grimace or laugh while reading this post. Bet you can't.

The set up- I was sound asleep, curled up under my quilt against the chilled air in the house as the wood stove exhausted the last burning embers of wood left to burn while I slept. It was the wee hours of the morning. My night medication was wearing down, but still enough was in my system to allow for a few more hours of restful sleep before the painful spasticity kicked in and time to take more. Mel often wonders why I don't go back to sleep when I wake up in the wee hours. Sometimes I do, but other times it's just impossible. Sometimes, it doesn't pay to be a Murphy.

The story-

A twinge of pain in the calf region of my left (functioning) leg. Somewhere in the recessed of my mind it registers that a Charlie Horse is beginning. I try moving the leg into another position to no avail. In the dark, I don my sock and reach for my AFO knowing that I'd have to walk it out. The first month of a new shoe purchase, it's easier to leave the AFO in the shoe rather than trying to put the shoe on after donning the AFO. Then, I work on putting the sock and shoe on the left foot. Always a joy to do without making the cramp worse. Some time while fastening the third or fourth strap on my AFO another realization filtered through the drug induced hazed mind...I have to pee! Rushing to do something while drugged is never a good idea, but still I try.

Logan

When I stood up, the degree of the amount of drugs I'd taken caused a swaying, faulting step. Oh boy, this is going to be fun was my next thought as I regained some balance and continued to the door. In the dim light of the hallway, dark mounds on the carpet announced that Logan, the cat, had left me presents while I slept. I lifted my leg to step over them. I now had one paramount mission. I have to make it to the toilet. As I placed my AFO clad foot in a safe spot, I over compensated for my balance.BOOM! I hit the floor. As I struggled to my feet, my bladder released soaking my underwear and pajama bottoms. I should have worn a pad to bed, I chastised myself. But hindsight is always twenty-twenty, isn't it?

Now I don't know about you, but when I fall backwards, my head always rests on the floor for a few seconds before I get up. This time was no exception. As I sat on the commode, I'm still rubbing my calf fending off the Charlie Horse that threatens to cramp down on my calf. It's a little better now that I had put my weight through the leg, fallen, gotten back up, and walked to the bathroom. I was thanking God that I again averted a full fledged Charlie Horse. I ran my hand through my hair. It met with a horrible feeling courtesy of Logan. So much for the possibility of returning to bed as if the what had already happened would allow it.

I stripped out of my clothes and got in the shower. I turned on as much hot water as my body could stand. I washed my hair three times to be sure it was clean. Now, rosy skinned and wrapped in a towel, I again donned my socks, AFO, and shoes. I walked into the bedroom. I pulled off the AFO and shoes, and got dressed. Not in fresh pajamas, but in work clothes. The roosters were already crowing a full hour before sunrise.

I raked through the night's ashes in the wood stove and pulled the ash pan. I carried it outside and dumped it. I had plenty of wood ash for the chicken's dirt bath area and for making lye. Strolling back inside, I replaced the ash pan and set the intricate lacing of paper, twigs, and bark to start the day's fire. I put the three split pieces of firewood on top and flicked my Bic. I was greeted by the warmth of the blaze before I go outside for another load of firewood.

So begins another day on the homestead and living post stroke. On the agenda today, make a half dozen Belgian waffles, half a dozen crepes, a loaf of sourdough bread, sprout another bucket of seed for chicken feed, grind the cleaned, used egg shells to supplement the sprouted chicken feed with calcium for the hens, and groom two rabbits, and finish making the mason jar candles for Christmas. Oh, and in between this fun, there's cooking meals, laying cardboard and spreading straw in the orchard, bring firewood onto the porch again, and tending to the house pets. But that's a normal day's routine around here.

How you start your day is important. Mine has already gotten off to a bad start. Hopefully, it will get better as the day progresses. As tired as I am, I may only get half of my to-do list done today, but...

Nothing is impossible.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Incontinence Revisited

I'm not sure what is going on with my bladder, but it ain't good. In the past month, I have had more "accidents" than dry days. I think I may have a bladder infection. This is usually a first sign for me...no bladder control. Later, the pain urination, and pus or blood starts. It's been so bad that adult diapers have been a relief to wear.

Anyone that wears these know that it must be the most uncomfortable undergarment ever made. It doesn't matter which brand you choose, it poorly fits and the elastic plastic outside rubs the skin raw. But still it's better than the alternative of urine soaked clothing. The reason I switched from my pads was because of flooding. It's not a question of little spurts, but almost emptying my bladder with no sphincter control... none, zip, bupkiss. I don't even have time to stand up and head to the bathroom. Just the act of gravity turns the faucet on. Speaking of faucets, I now have to go before I run any tap. It doesn't matter if I just made the trek to the commode five minutes before, I will have to go again. I know my diuretic plays a part in this also. My warning mechanism of a full bladder ceases to function with bladder and kidney infections.

This is quite embarrassing in public situations like the grocery store as you can imagine. I'll go before leaving home, arrive at the market, and immediately have to go again. It's only five minutes to the store! And, that's with purposely waiting until six hours has past since taking my Lasix. Going before then is an accident waiting for the chance to happen. Since my bladder infections start this way since my strokes, my old PCP wrote a standing order for sulfur based antibiotic to combat the issue. I no longer have that luxury since I've moved. I have to wait until next week to see my new PCP before I can get a prescription. That's after I drive 35 minutes to get to his office. Yes, I'll be making several pit stops along the way. These pills are HUGE! As if I don't have enough issues with swallowing. But, ya gotta do what ya have to do.

This week I used the last of the disposable diapers leftover from the case for my husband. Hospice ordered the wrong size and then ordered the right size so I actually had one and a half cases left upon his death. I've treated these as gold and used them sparingly for almost a year and a half.

At this point, I'm thinking sustainable resources (not to mention cost). A 20 pack of disposable pads will cost $6-8 a package and some months I can go through two of them. That's $12 a month times 4 1/2 years! You do the math because I don't want to add up how much money I've spent. Heavy flow menstrual pads are cheaper than the urinary incontinence pads. I priced washable pads and diapers for adults. Wowzer! I could buy a really nice vacation with the cost of a week's worth.

 After four and a half years of using disposable pads and diapers, I'm switching. This winter, I'll be sewing washable urinary incontinence pads. You heard me right, and yes, I'll video it and cross post it here. Here's my design process. Problem solving 101.

I haven't found a pattern I like yet. We are talking a thinner liquid that moves faster than a menstrual flow so it would have to be thicker and more absorbent. Then I had a brilliant idea. Use one of the pads which work the best for me. I'll have to add a little bit of fabric for seam allowances and making the wings long enough to overlap each other, but I can do that.

I've tried many brands over the years while I've combated this issue. When I have a choice, my favorite is the always maxi pads. The size and shape are comfortable. For me, the length covers both my orifices. While the absorbancy is a bit iffy, I can't fault the design. I am using it for a purpose it wasn't designed for. I love the always incontinence pads. They work fantastic, but oh, the price!

A pattern found, I could focus my mind on the other issues like what it's made of. A 100% cotton is desirable. After watching a vast number of YouTube videos on constructing cloth menstrual pads, I realized that several layers of flannel or terry cloth was not going to handle that much liquid. The pad would need twenty to forty layers and be a bulky mess. What could be a thin, absorbent, and natural material? I thought of wool, but quickly discarded it. Wool, while absorbent also gets very heavy when wet. I can see me now. "Oops, I had an accident." "Oops, my panties are now around my ankles!" No thank you. I went back to cotton. I idea of stitching in thousands of cotton balls entered my mind. I'm Abby Normal, not insane! Rolled cotton as in bandages was my next thought. After calculating how many rolls I would need and the price, I nixed that idea. What kind of padding would be thick enough? Then I remembered my grandma always swearing by cotton quilt batting. I could make several dozen pads out of a twin size quilt pad. They could be stitched together (quilted) and provide channels for urine to follow. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

Waterproofing and fastening them in place. I had to wear it under my clothes and didn't want telltale signs soaking through. I still want retain some shreds of dignity. Plus, do you realize how uncomfortable wet breeches are? I still have to walk from where I am to where I can change the pad. It also had to be thin enough to carry a spare in my pocket. I started looking at homemade cloth diapers. Now a days they are streamlined. Gone are the flat diapers I once put on my children. I know because I searched for them when I was looking for the padding of my pads. Washable diapers have become shaped and sized just like disposables. I started searching for the nifty plastic fasteners and the fabric they used for protecting infant clothing. I found it all a my local JoAnn's Fabrics. The waterproof material is called PUL (PolyUrethane Laminate) While not a natural product nor cheap ($6.49 a yard), it was the answer I was looking for. It being 64" wide and being able to get a dozen pads out of a quarter yard of fabric made this fabric a win-win in my book. I opted for white from the slew of colors and patterns. Remember, I wear white, cotton granny panties too.

Now, I have a plan. I did buy some pretty printed, cotton flannel to serve as the cover fabric next to my skin. Nothing to bold or bright because they are going to hold my accidents. Nice little rosebuds on a white background seemed to strike my fancy. Hey, I'm still a girl. They don't have to be totally utilitarian. They may not be pretty for long, but I've found a recipe for an all natural protein stain remover also on YouTube that might have them looking pretty for a while.

So why am I waiting until winter to do all of these? The one thing that I can't control is my free time. During the winter months, the garden is a 8x16 greenhouse. A huge difference that four garden beds. The days are shorter and colder so I won't be outside as much. I'll still have to tend to the rabbits, chickens, dogs, and cats, but there won't be a garden to tend, or produce to dehydrate, can, or freeze. 

The days being shorter means building project will cease at sundown. Yes, there will be the added activities of spinning and combing angora and other fibers, and knitting galore. We don't do this in the summer because most times we are too bone tired, and it's too hot. My battery operated sewing machine will be put to good use. A treadle machine is what I wanted to get, but time and space constraints won out. Oh, and the cost for everything the material, quilt batting, those nifty snaps and their special pliers, thread, and even my sewing machine cost thrown in was under $50 or equivalent to three months of disposable pads. Yes, I'll have to launder them, but I have to wash clothes anyhow. Why I didn't do this before? Just call it a brain fart.

Nothing is impossible.

It's COLD in the Golden Isles!

Time is Short Photography

The arctic blast has really done a number on us. For the second day in a row it's down right chilly!

Several years ago we decided to forgo the $50 a month gas bill. The only thing using gas was my furnace, but still I paid each month for the luxury of having it. Even at the coldest part of the year which lasted maybe two months, it was rarely over $75 a month. Yeah, I'm lucky ain't I?

But temperatures in the 20s is almost unheard of in the Golden Isles of Georgia. The last time we had snow, other than flurries, was 1988! It seemed like a good deal at the time saving us over $500 in just the warmer months. We opted for a wood burning stove and made pellets during the summer months out of dead leaves and shredded newspaper. More on this in my book Are You a Survivalist or a Prepper? Nifty how I slid that plug in, huh.


For really colder nights we supplemented our heat with small electric space heaters. It just used free power from our solar panels. But with my DH (darling hubby) on constant flow oxygen, lighting the wood burning stove is down right dangerous! One space heater is dedicated to the living room for my DH and the animals and the other one is in the office. No, I don't carry it into bedroom at night. I just hunker down under heavy blankets. A royal pain when I get up in the mornings. When I'm in the kitchen the oven is most likely going so it's warm enough in there to break a sweat.

During the daylight hours it usually warms up some and warms the house, but not the past two days! The inside temperature has dropped to 63 degrees by the bathroom thermometer. Talk about a rude awakening! This is the first time my house temp fell below 70 degrees this winter. I really am looking forward to this cold snap being over.

The other problem this cold blast has raised is the dripping of pipes so they don't freeze. I've talked about my current incontinence problems after my stroke here already. There's something about the cold weather, Lasix, and the sound of dripping pipes that give a whole new meaning to Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta go right now! An Indian dancing for rain has nothing on me. Gotta dash!

Remember...
Nothing is impossible with determination.

Sunday Stoke Survival ~ This and That

I find that I'm spending quite a few hours on You Tube these days. One because it's quick snippets of information and two because it's entertaining.


With my current lifestyle of crisis management and turn on a dime decision making, I can't really do much else that is time consuming. You Tube is the answer.

No this isn't mine but close.

I've watched tons of videos about square foot gardening... something I'm going to try in the Spring to get a better handle on planting and harvesting my above ground garden. When energy and time spent are governing factors it made sense. I've also been researching how to build a bigger cage for Babs, my gorgeous bunnykins, she's getting a bit cramped in hers, and different ways to feed her other than store bought pellets. But that's not all...

I have to be honest here, I've been less than enthusiastic about my recovery of late feeling like somebody was kicking me when I was already out for the count. I ran across this particular video this week and it gave me a needed boost. While I've heard this song too many times on the radio, I never related what it could mean to me towards my recovery until I saw this video. A totally a eye opening revelation for me. It's my new favorite song.

Just the fact, that the video was pantomimed (actually singing although muted) by an otherwise 8-year old, nonverbal, autistic child got me thinking of aphasia affected stroke survivors and how it felt to me being nonverbal after my stroke but having a millions thoughts running through my head and not being able express them. My brain never stops thinking. The images may be of cancer kids but it could easily relate to us as survivors.  Listen to the words. I hope it will do the same for you that it did for me.

I've been researching stroke recovery too. Reading blogs, abstracts, and books are okay, but nothing beats the visual progress of stroke recovery and adaptive techniques survivors use. As I've said before I have an incontinence problem, as well as few other hundred things wrong with my stroke. I try to apply what see and think outside of the box in all things.

For me, urinary incontinence is not really embarrassing but a nuisance. I hate wearing pads.I didn't like it when I had to wear them during my monthly cycles. God bless menopause and a hysterectomy. See some good things come with age besides hard won wisdom. I use all the techniques I learned in physical therapy like the clock and fluid intake measures. I may wiggle in my seat to see if I've got to go like a woman with a crotch itch in church. That's one way men have an advantage, they just scratch or adjust themselves in public and pinch it off with the handle they've got, but for a woman...it just ain't lady like.

But also for me, there is the added bonus of a diuretic, Lasix, which keeps the fluids from pooling in my body and my defunct heart. For the first few hours after taking that miraculous little pill that keeps me out of congestive heart failure most times, it's a crap shoot for bladder control. It's a fine art of juggling most mornings and I'll explain why and how I adjust my clock to cope.

I take relatively high doses of Zanaflex with my Baclofen for muscle spasticity. The Zanaflex drops my blood pressure too low when I lay down. We're talking about low double digits. To combat this before bed I ingest something salty before I sleep, this causes my body to hold fluids thus keeping my blood pressure raised. Not a perfect solution but it works. My cardiologist thought it was ingenious and great problem solving. But as a result of ingesting the added salt and retaining fluids, and taking Lasix in the morning becomes a nightmare while it tries to get rid of this extra fluid. I adjust my time schedule for the first hour for twenty minutes after taking this med. On average that's how long it takes for my kidneys with Lasix to fill my bladder. The second hour, I'll add ten minutes making it every thirty minutes. I'll keep adding tihis way until I'm back to the original every two hours time frame.

If I have to somewhere while this counting up is underway, I'll urinate before I leave and when I get wherever I am going and keep the schedule. I'll admit that some days are worse than others, but the important thing is, I don't let it stop me. If I don't make it to the bathroom, that's why I wear a pad.

But with pads comes another problem. Diaper rash! They really aren't meant to be worn 24/7. Now this condition in an adult is painful and embarrassing! I'm sorry, but no one else is going to put diaper rash medicine between my legs, but me. Picture this... a woman with a brace on one leg and one useable arm, bending down to look between her legs and applying Balmx between her legs. Since my recent stroke, I  some renewed balance issues. Oft times my head is thumping the wall across from the toilet. Not hard mind you, a sort of a semi controlled lean forward, but just enough to stop my forward mometum. Luckily for me in this older home, the bathrooms are only 5x7. If it were any bigger, I'd more concerned. But for now, this works for me.

Nothing is impossible with determination.

Sunday Stroke Survival~ Diaper, Pads and Back Again

Today, I'm talking about urinary incontinence and how life moves in a circular pattern. As a young child. you are toilet trained and you get out of diapers. When puberty hits, for a woman, you transition into pads for menstrual cycles.

All the wear and tear of child bearing years, just when you think you are getting ready to lose the pads forever, you sometimes develop leaks. So you add an occasional urinary pads, because when you laugh to hard or sneeze you lose bladder control.

For me, it was five tumors in my lower abdomen which caused the problem. Once they were removed with all my rusted old pipes of reproduction, part of my bladder, and my colon along with them. A mesh sling was implanted to prevent the bladder leaks. I was a happy camper. The tumors were thought to be the size of walnuts, before surgery, were actually the size of my surgeon's fist... all five of them. I survived. Extremely thankful it wasn't worse. No more bladder worries, I was done.

A funny things happens when you think you are done. You're not. I suffered a stroke and had to relearn a bathroom schedule like I did while my own children were potty training. I was back in diapers to prevent accidents on a much larger bottom than when I was a child. Restricting liquids for a period of time before bed and watching a clock. Every two hours I journey to the commode whether I feel the need or not. That's just to get out of diapers.

That tingling sensation I used to get as markers that I had to go was gone. I do feel a heavy weighted pressure in my lower abdomen when I shift positions as an indicator. But gone are the sensations that distinguish between a bowel movement and a full bladder.

So unless I fidget in my chair, think shifting your weight from one butt cheek to another, I cannot tell when nature calls until it is almost too late. I'd gotten so good at it that I transitioned to menstrual pads again versus the thick urinary pads within a week of being home from the hospital.

 Within a two month honeymoon of having my stroke, my heart started acting up again. I honestly loved that honeymoon period. For all extents and purposes, my heart was behaving like a normal, healthy heart. It was something I hadn't experienced for over half a decade. I was on no arrhythmia medicines and no diuretics.

I call it a honeymoon because it was joyful and short-lived. I figure it was God's Grace because He knows how much I can handle at one time. Dealing with chronic congestive hearty failure because your ticker isn't working right and a stroke was more than I could handle thus a honeymoon.

The first indicator that something was wrong was I stopped losing weight. The second was my paralyzed side started swelling. I'm not talking about a little bit of swelling. I'm talking about gross swelling. Fingers the size of hot dogs and toes like Vienna sausages. Hands and wrists the size of the incredible Hulk. I had to have my AFO widened and put a 9 1/2 shoe on a normal size 6 foot. Even the Velcro on my splints groaned in protest.

So far I've gone from diapers, potty training, pads to diapers, potty training to pads again. Now compounding or hampering my successful feeling is a diuretic. My cardiologist's choice was heavy doses of Lasix for the first two weeks then a daily maintenance dose. I dropped thirteen pounds in three days. That's how much fluid I was retaining in my body. Almost 90% of it in the paralyzed side.

What does Lasix do to a bathroom schedule? It shoots it full of holes! I was getting up every twenty minutes and going to the bathroom during the first four hours during the heavy dosing. I almost wanted to be back in diapers for all the underwear I flooded. But vanity wouldn't allow that. I just kept a stash of granny panties in the bathroom cabinet.

Now the dose has been backed down to a maintenance dose so it isn't that bad...only one hour like the poor kitty to the right. Twenty steps to the bathroom, a couple of minutes to snatch my pants and panties down one-handed, and I'm set.

In spite of all my efforts, I still pee my pants or dribble. It's a no win scenario. So what do I have to look forward to in the future as I continue aging...just more of the same. Life runs in full circles like driving donuts in a parking lot with your automobile. I doesn't stop until you run out of gas.