The ongoing saga or insanity of my family, writing, living post stroke, and the world in general...I'd spend all my time writing if LIFE didn't get in the way.
My Botox is in. I'm starting to get some relief of the cramping although actual movement and control haven't kick in yet. It will sometime in the coming days. I'll be calling Monday to set up my therapies again. I can't remember when I've been so excited about going. Imagine, seeing positive gains towards recovery!!
I know it's only temporary at this point, only lasting so long as the Botox is working, but the fact is, I'm meeting goals again other than just maintenance. Last time I managed 2 full minutes of standing, a full weight bearing, without my AFO before the spasticity kicks back in. It might not sound like much, but it's 2 full minutes of freedom after 12 years of my ankle and foot being locked in paralysis and/or spasticity. With support, I can sit, stand, and shift weight from my left and right foot for about 20 minutes without my AFO. It will take time to get new pathways rerouted in my brain and strengthen the muscles to combat the spasticity.
Whew! It's been years since I've had any positive reinforcement to keep at it and hope alive for recovery. As I end every post with "Nothing is impossible," it is pretty tiring and almost trite to keep hope alive and stay positive. For now, 2 minutes of pre-stroke(s) normalcy is enough.
I had a mini nosebleed this week. In the wee hours I went to the little necessary room and noticed two small drops of blood on the floor. I reached for the toilet tissue to apply it to my nose. I also checked that a hand towel was in easy reach. The wad of toilet paper conveniently stuck in the blood to plaster it to my face as I applied pressure to the right sinus near the bridge of my nose. I was in the bathroom between my daughter and son in law's bedroom and mine, so I was within hollerin' distance of them. I kept waiting for the flow to either pour down the back of my throat or out of my nose. The seconds turned to minutes, it didn't. I gingerly remove the pressure from my nose and waited. Nothing. It had stopped on its own just that quick.
Needless to say, I didn't go back to bed. I sat at my computer for about three hours just in case it started again. I was terrified it would. Finally, as the birds outside began chirping and the skies lightened, I went back to bed. In the following days, no reoccurrence of the nosebleed. All I can do is raise my hand to heaven and say, "Thank you, Jesus!" It's nuts to have to live this way, but at least I know what the cause is not that really helps.
I had my visit with the vascular surgeon and the ultrasound showed a little more progression (ballooning) of my triple A (Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm). But it's still in the "wait and monitor" category. We talked about the swelling in my legs. He didn't think it was a vascular origin problem because diabetes was no longer in my mixed-up medical history. With my Hashimoto's diagnosis though, he thought it was more a lymphedema problem. A blood test was needed to confirm. They also scheduled me for an ultrasound of my carotid arteries. It's been a year since it's been done.
My heart cath was done Friday. Nothing unusual was found or at least nothing stent worthy. He did have a look at my three leaky valves. Yes, he confirmed they were leaking. (Hurrah!) Maybe he's not that bad at cardiology. He talked to me about valve replacement to which I refused. I'm still looking for a new one.
I hope everyone had a good Christmas holiday. It's that time of year again for reviewing the past year and figuring out what's the plan for 2021.
In 2020 review...
I finished my cancer treatments with a clean bill of health!!!
Last year really flew by with only a couple events of any real, personal interesting points. I got infected by COVID-19 way back in February and I didn't realize it until much later. The end of January, Mel got sick with a fairly high fever, horrendous cough, and moderate difficulty breathing. With no medical insurance, she fought me on going to the hospital, but I finally (after 3 days) won the argument. The doctor at first, thought it might the flu, but ruled it out fairly quickly. They wanted to admit her, but she refused. They didn't know what her problem medically was. I brought her home and treated her the best I could homeopathically with herbs and immuno-boosters I grow here. I warned her that if her fever went above 103°F and if she did not respond to me she was going right back to the hospital. It didn't happen. Eventually, her fever broke and she got better except for a cough and loss of stamina which lasted for months. As an after effect she now becomes short of breath and has a heart condition.
The first part of February, it was my turn. Even though I'd wash my hands and wore a mas while treating her, I got sick though not as bad. I felt like I was going to cough up pieces of lung tissue at any moment (I didn't), had a medium grade fever (100°- 101°), and was shorter of breathe. It lasted about two weeks. I had lost my sense of taste and smell (I still moderately suffer with this). I did touch bases with my PCP, but didn't go in. His instructions were the standard- control the fever, push fluids, and rest. If it got any worse to go to the ER. So that's what I did.
We didn't hear about COVID until March with the rest of the country. We figured that's what we had been fighting. An antibody test shoes I had it. We were luckier than others with this virus. It was no worse than a very bad cold or brush with the flu.
I had a T-car procedure done on my left cardioid artery. Uneventful, but now have to do the right one done Jan 5th 2021.
I started Botox again for my post stroke(s) spasticity. With Emory in and out of locked down mode for nonessential surgeries, it was looking like summer of 2021 before I could have another baclofen pump implanted. So far, my body's response to doing Botox again has been good.
After the first series of 400 units, I was almost able to straighten my arm to full extension and raise it above my head. Which is way better than the 6" I'm able to move it without the injections. I could shave my underarm with ease! The gain gradually reduced over time and by Thanksgiving the pain of my entrapped shoulder and bicep returned but I was scheduled for more Botox the first week in December. So it was manageable and short lived. I'm in physical therapy again.
I got another AFO and new shoes. The AFO still needs work. I've formed new pressure sores above my ankle and at the first metatarsal (at the base of my big toe). Oi Vey! So far though, no reoccurrence of the pressure sore in the spot that has plagued me for eight years. I guess I should count my blessings. This is the first time my shoes didn't need alterations of build ups and rockers added.
That's been my year besides falls. When I entered PT again they estimated my falls by how many I had in the past couple weeks... 48 falls a year! That sounds like a lot, but thinking back, it's a little on the high side. I remember about 30... not counting falls that I averted by catching myself before I actually hit the floor or ground. Is that a lot? It seems fairly standard to me after back surgeries and strokes in the odd 30 years or so.
What's coming up on 2021...
The right sided T-Car procedure of my carotid artery is slated on the 5th of January.
We've got our new garden area ready for seed potatoes in February. The 5th tier of the garden is almost completely revamped for vegetables. The seeds have been ordered. So we should get a good harvest.
We staked out where our tiny houses will be built and leveled it. We've set the foundation piers. Now we've just got to save for the rest of the lumber before building can commence.
My 9-month post cancer ultrasound (the week before Christmas) of my thyroid area showed another mass. Just when everyone thought it was gone, surprise! So everything else is up in the air again! But for now, I'm still alive and fighting. So much for a normal year. Sigh!
Once again I'm cancer free for the time being. After a month of glowing in the dark, I can be around people and animals again. I have a whole body CT next week to find out whether it has spread. So technically, I'm not out of the woods yet. This makes the third time I've had my throat cut. Twice because of cancer and once by a rapist. I never want to go through that again.
To celebrate this week, I'm going to paint the wood for the new quail hutches. Actually they are not new. They were the old outdoor rabbit hutches. I started dismantling them before my surgery and left the remainder of the quad-plex of rabbit hutches that were against one side of the house for Mel to finish.
While I spent so much time waiting on my cancer surgery (since May), I started research raising quail for our homestead for several reasons. Quail is fairly lean and all dark meat unlike chicken and other poultry. We are huge dark meat fans here. A 6-8oz bird once
dressed and cooked provides one serving of 3 to 4 ounces of meat. The perfect serving size. They are small and easy to butcher one-handed.
Quail eggs provide extra health benefits. Chock full of vitamin B for nerve health and promotes a healthy gut. Vitamin D and phosphor for bone growth and strength, and boosts immunities. Vitamin A for boosting immunities. Vitamin K to promote clotting (not so good for stroke survivors), but this vitamin also helps with calcium absorbancy. The yolks contain luthein and zeaksantin for your retinas, it's a little bit lower than carrots. The eggs help stabilize cholesterol numbers. They contain choline which improves the memory function in the brain.
For the same space it took to raise four rabbits, I can raise 288 quail! Not that I plan to raise that many at once. Quail are fully grown and will start laying eggs in as little as 6 to7 weeks old instead of 6 to 7 months for chickens. Granted it takes 3 quail eggs to make 1 large chicken egg, but they make better economic sense. I'll be starting with twenty-five birds and hatch out more until we have about, at most, 100 birds to sell, breed, or eat.
My PT was put on hold for the past month. I'm looking forward to that starting back up later this month. My left arm strength was increased to where I could lift a thirty pound bag of cat food with little or no trouble. I was even more stable walking again. I didn't feel like I had to touch furniture as I walked by to keep my balance. I could walk down the ramps and walk into the bunny/chicken hoop barn again without the use of my cane. My stamina was increasing almost to the point of before my two-week hospitalization in mid summer. I'm hoping to get more stronger and have even greater balance by the end of the year with my return to PT.
With the sloped terrain on our property, my steps per day get an extra punch. Even walking on the semi flat 1/4 acre part of the property is still a fairly good chunks of steps each day as I tend to the animals (not to mention bending and lifting), feeding, watering and grooming. Raking and turning the compost in place deep litter barn straw. Picking up kindling (sticks and branches) for the wood stove. Carrying splits of wood inside to burn in the wood stove. Added to my PT/OT exercises twice a day (Yes, I still do them to the best of my ability), I get quite a work out. I don't need to pay for no stinking gym membership.
I easily hit my daily step goal of 25k-50k. I had even thought of going back to my previous daily goal of 75k-100k steps. It'll be easier to do when Mel starts her chicken farm operation on the lower 1/4 acre orchard terraces. The plan includes concrete block stairs for easier access. For now, I use the yard tractor to get below the first tier, because the sloped access is too steep for me to traverse safely. I'd really hate falling and rolling down that twenty-foot slope, trying to get up at the bottom, and making my way back up the terraced orchard levels.
It's the stuff of nightmares. One every impaired person fears. Each tier is 14' wide and drops 7' on each level except the 8' wide track which allows tractor or truck access on either side that slopes downward. We designed it this way keeping in mind that as the dwarf trees grew, they'd have ample light and space for ladders and half bushel baskets. On the two lowest tiers, we've planted pecan and walnut trees. This is also where we grow orchard grass/hay for our livestock. Currently, we only have (2 each) the nut trees, apple, cherry, plum, planted. Our trellised raspberry, grapes, and blueberries take up most of the first 75' upper tier. With fig and peach trees going in this year. There's still about thirty feet on each tier left unplanted. This is where Mel plans to put her chicken operation.
I want to try growing upland rice in a 10'x10' patch this spring. Just a trial patch as an experiment and for seed for a larger patch the following year. If this is successful, it'll be another item I can check off my self sustainable check list. We love our rice. So I've spent the past month researching and planning. I couldn't do much else. I know from experience, when battling cancer, the depression and what-ifs can really bring me down. This makes my fifth time battling this.
The key is planning what to do next after the battle is over and you've won. There's time enough to worry/pray/cry about inevitable outcomes if the CT shows mets. If I have to side step from the path because of additional surgeries or treatments so be it. I'll still have a plan for when I win this battle and I plan on winning. The alternative is that cancer kills me, but I'll still win because I'll be where I ultimately want to be too.
I believe it was a month ago or longer that I mentioned that we were putting in ramps off our porches for easier access for me into the house. Well, one of them is done and it is the Taj Mal of ramps. Or at least cost wise it should be. Building materials especially pressure treated lumber ain't cheap.
I should mention that we started on the back ramp because it would give me easier access to the food storage building and the animals. Well let me say that this one ramp cost me more than I allotted for both ramps because of an addition I made to the ramp in back. So I'm stopping with the one. A deck that would allow a wheelchair or my wagon to turn around on. I will say that the finished product was nicer, stronger, and more utilitarian than I could have imagined.
porch L store room R
We held off moving my home canned goods into the storage room until the project was completed. Last night, Mel and I moved 16 cases of goods into the store room. Yes, I've been busy. The garden had a lackluster performance year because of a late cold (freezing temps in May!) followed by a blistering short lived heat wave. But I more than made up for it with local contacts. Not that anybody had a stellar year, but homesteading is a community. I traded off herb for vegetables. I even bought a few cases of produce off local vendors. Next year, I'm hoping not to have to buy anything.
Rabbits and chicken at the bottom
Among the weeds are watermelons, tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, and black eyed peas. But then again, these same weeds like grasses, clover, wild plantain, wild violets, etc offer free food for our rabbits. Nothing goes to waste here. We are stock piling straw, grass clippings, cardboard, and compost for a major revamp of the garden area late fall. We are going to till it and bury the area in about 24" of this extra material. I'm also going to line the area next to the barn drive through with old, molded straw bales and trying for a living fence in the spring.
Broody/Gimpster's new home
In the rabbit hoop barn (pictured top left), our injured hen from last winter has a safe and secure habitat. She's got a cage up with the rabbits at night. During the day she has the entire 12x24 area to roam around. We set water and food down for her. She can see the other hens and roosters through the chicken wire clad pallets enough to be sociable, but isn't jumped on by the roosters and hens. I did notice that the twice daily physical therapist I did with her wasn't a complete waste of time. She bear weight on the leg to help support her after a dust bath and long enough to scratch with her fully functioning leg. It's only for a matter of seconds, but she has adapted. I wish all humans living post stroke like I am the same resiliency and adaptability.
Her new digs even has a nest box just for her. She still gives us an egg a day. This was her saving grace. Otherwise, she would have been culled her months ago. She's so tamed now that even one-handed me can pick her up with barely a ruffled feather. Her head and neck still bears the scars of her narrow escape from the figure with the scythe. Her comb on top of her head is a short, mangled mess instead of her once beautiful comb, but she's a keeper. Like a puppy she comes and greets me whenever I enter the rabbitry.Then, she'll hop up to me and cluck askance for treats. For the past couple of weeks, it has been deer apples that were so bad I couldn't make applesauce, apple pie filling, or apple butter with them. Out of the 65 lbs of deer apples I got for $13, there was about a 3-gallon bucket of bad apples. The chickens go nuts for these.
Yep you guessed it. The blog today is on physical exercise after a stroke. Yeah, right! Sure it is. I hear you. "A couple of weeks ago ago, you said you don't exercise."
I
might have given up my gym membership back in the dark ages when
dinosaurs roamed the earth, (er, um, 1984) but that doesn't mean I don't
do physical exercises.
I do own a stationary air cycle and one of those
ritzy NordicTrack, all-in-one,
FreeStride Trainer. It was an impulse buy before my stroke. Now this
equipment is getting a good dusting before I use them again. After all,
with the decubitus on my foot this past twelve months, it's been kind of
hard to stand let alone exercise with them. I'll be using them again
soon now that they aren't an issue anymore. (Yahhh! Whoppie!) I've kind of been looking forward to it. I may not be able to work out as long as I once did, but with time, I should be.
But it's not like I haven't done any physical exercises since my stroke. I've done loads of balancing, lifting, walking, reaching and a host of other exercises in both physical therapy at the hospital and at home, and just the day to day maintenance of my urban homestead. Not to mention, the care of myself and my darling hubby.
I do do all the grocery shopping for the household. I'll place a bag on my spastic arm too. I don't need no stinking, fancy weighted bands. The bags work just fine. I explained in another blog how I lift and carry those 24-pack bottles of water into the house one handed. Bending, lifting, balancing, walking all in one fell swoop just with this one semi monthly task.
And that's just groceries, earlier this month I went searching for new/old shirts for my hubby. For a man, looking good is equaled to feeling good. His old, medium sized shirt were swallowing him. I bought a couple of XS shirts for him at the second hand store. He refuses to wear pajama shirts but wants to wear his normal dress shirts. He wants it, I get it. I searched through the offerings of three second hand stores close to home and brought home my finds. These stores are huge and have aisles upon aisles of clothing racks in varying sizes. I found three in his preferred colors and style. It only took me three hours. My pedometer read over 100,000 steps! Now tell me, I didn't exercise. It's not a fancy one like the FitBit but a manual job where I hit a button for each step I actually take. If it ain't broke, don't replace it.
Every day up until last month, I walked out to the chicken coop and the rabbit pen to feed and water them twice a day. Last month my five-year old hens and my four meat rabbits took the journey to their next stage of their life...into my freezer. The walk is about thirty feet from my back door. I'd clean up their areas...more bending, balancing, lifting, and walking back and forth to the composting station (10 ft).
Oh, there was also screening the rabbit waste because it will fetch a pretty penny from local gardeners as fertilizer. Then shoveling, shimming, and shaking the mesh filled wooden frame. My meat rabbits (when in full production 10 rabbits at a breeding) and Angora put out enough to fertilize my garden for a year monthly. The profits went towards extra feed stuff like dried papaya, black oil sunflower seeds, and cranberries for them (their treats). I won't even go into my fodder feed system now for their regular feed. But for both rabbits and chickens, I spent $68 a year in wheat seed to sprout. That's it besides oyster shells courtesy of my daughter's oyster roasts for the chickens and hay for the rabbits.
There is the garden. Now a raised, raised bed garden. They had to be built first. My
grandson didn't have all the fun doing this. I helped too. More bending, balancing, lifting, and walking.
Mixing in the compost from the composter. I sift mine to get all the uncomposted chunks out. That way my plants get what they need the most. My screen does double duty between the rabbit manure and the compost. More shimming and shaking, and balance training. My contractor son-in-law put a cross bar on my wheel barrow handles so I can operate it one handed. I'll water, weed, and harvest daily, and then process what I harvested. Whether it's cooking it for dinner, freezing it, canning it, or dehydrating it. It's all upper body exercises and strengthening. Standing and balancing, if I don't have my butt parked on a stool at the counter. I'm pretty well tired out from the previous exercises.
But before harvesting I need to start the seeds which means I need a couple five gallon buckets of my potting version of the soil blend I put in my garden beds. I add my organic fish remains fertilizer to moisten the soil. Want to know how to make it? Buy my book, Are You a Survivalist or a Prepper? (Catch that shameless plug?) But before that, I need to make the starting cups. I'll either use egg shells or make ones out of newspaper or waste toilet paper rolls. I don't eat at KFC enough to start all my plants in the Snack and Go cups. Yes, I recycle or repurpose everything. The plastic tray is a repurposed cookie container from the bakery department.
Already time to pluck again
After a stroke if you have fatigue syndrome, like I do, you have to gauge your activity with your energy level. By now, after two years and counting, I pretty much know which activity is the most draining for me and plan my day accordingly. On days when I have hospital based physical and occupational therapies, I will be totally wiped out until after my nap. On those days, it might be a two nap day to make it to bedtime energy wise. So I do the bunny grooming on those days. Buddy is great and loves to be brushed or maybe he just loves the extra treats. He'll let me do anything to him for the most part and lay perfectly still on the towel covered table. But on the nontherapy days that's when I choose to do my heavy duty gardening and cleaning their areas about four times a week.
So to say I'm not exercising is a lie. But now that the garden is still in its Fall/Winter growing stage, the meat rabbits and chickens are gone until Spring, it's time to break out the NordicTrack and air cycle for winter time exercise. Of course I'll be wearing my old, heart rate monitor, as uncomfortable as it is, so I don't stress out my bum ticker. No sense letting the strength I've built up over the Spring and Summer lag because it's cool-ish outside. At least that's the plan.
I can't leave y'all without a blast from the past...
I don't know why I'm surprised, but each time after the Botox kicks in, I am. I had therapy yesterday. The Botox hasn't kicked in totally because there are still grabs and catches during therapy in the bicep, pectoral, and other muscles in my hemiplegic arm. I mean some hard catches that make me take a sharp intake of breath. The spasticity never truly goes away completely. The spasticity just becomes more manageable.
We were warming up with stretches after the heat packs. I know, I know it should be cold packs, but I'm Abby Normal that way. We've done both, but the hot packs work better.
Now pre- AC joint tear, I had recovered about 85% of my shoulder's range of motion. For the first time in two years, I hit the 85% again. The therapist had my arm over my head in the supine position. Yeah, it was passive motion on my part. My active range will come later, but for now, it's just stretching. But let me tell you, it hurt so good!
She was surprised, because she's my new therapist and hasn't seen this range from me before. I just wanted to see how far it would actually go before the muscles clenched. Yeah me!
Now for the down side. It only took a couple of hours after therapy before I knew we had pushed too far. Yep, you guessed it. The muscles screamed at me and it was ache and groans upon movement of the arm. I hopped in the shower. Alright, it was more like I sat on the shower chair and pivoted into the shower. I let the scalding hot water pulse the sore muscles away. I did take an extra 4 mgs of Zanaflex too.
I got out and was feeling groggily, content over the achievement I made. Literally drifting on cloud 9 because of the extra dose of muscle relaxer. I went through the rest of the evening in the clouds (read drugged fog). Nothing bothered me. A self satisfied grin firmly painted on my face. I did it!
This morning, there was a residual soreness but nothing like the day before. I'll be ready to do it again. A little bit later, I'll try the stretch again via a Theraband tied to my cannonball bedpost. I won't be as aggressive with myself as yesterday because I want to be in good shape for therapy tomorrow.
I've gotten a number of lengths and colors (resistance strengths) of bands over the years and if I need more, all I have to do is ask. They last forever. I've got some that are ten years old. They have a permanent place of honor in my sock drawer. Why do I keep them, you may ask. I just remember my Mama telling me, "There will always be an again." So far, she hasn't been proven wrong.
Okay all you strokies, a question or three for you. I picked up the term strokies from Amy's site and it has kind of stuck a chord in me.
1) How many of you are at least six months out from your stroke?
I am raising my hand. Raise yours if this applies to you.
2) How many of you are still doing your OT/PT/Speech therapy routines?
I am raising my hand and waving it wildly, but I am also seeing a few hands faltering and lowering out there. Is it yours? Shame on you. 3) Are you fully recovered or just at a state of acceptance that this is how you will be from now on?
I'm not raising my hand to this one because I am not fully recovered and not accepting where I am, and neither should you.
I hear all you naysayers out there, "If you were five, ten, twenty years out from your stroke like I am you'd give up too." Nope, I don't think so. Here's why...
The brain is constantly learning. Learning doesn't stop until you die. They've got this
fancy word for it called neuro-plasticity. People will get smarter or stupider as time goes on and that takes brain power. To me death is the absence of learning. I am a forever student in this life.
I'm too stubborn to give up. Yep that's right. There has never been a more mule headed person born than me and sometimes to my own detriment.
I'm generous to a fault. I'd rather do without than anyone else. It's a point of view. It's not that I'm not worthy because I am, but more someone else's needs are greater than mine. There is always someone else who has it worse off than you and I am thankful it's not me. Is that wrong? Does that sound condescending? Maybe. I may gripe about my family because they are such a big part of my life and the turmoil they cause, but I let them cause it. There are others in this world who have family but they are not close and there are others who have no family at all. I am thankful. If I can't do then I can't do, and I can't accept that. It's that simple to me really.
While I still have some paralysis and feeling loss from my stroke, I actually got off pretty light compared to some others. I didn't regain the use of my pre-stroke body, but I'm still able to care for myself and my husband with very little help from the outside world. That being said, I'm still not as self sufficient as I want to be. There are still a lot of things that I wish I could do again. I also believe it won't happen tomorrow and I may have to work years to achieve it.
Anything you want is worth working for. In your job didn't you not have to go to
college and learn a skill set? Okay some of you didn't go to to college but you still had to learn what was required for your job, didn't you? Didn't it take you years to learn that skill set? Therapy is the same way. It is repeating a set of skills over and over again. It doesn't matter if you fail the first time or the hundredth time. You are working towards a goal. To be whatever and be the best whatever you could be. Doesn't the same principles apply here? Each exercise you do and keep doing strengthens the pathways to repeat that action, and with time, it becomes as solid as the original ones. Yes it could take years before my light fluttering grip becomes strong enough to hold anything or do something productive with it, but it's a start. We all have to start somewhere and set an ultimate goal of what you want to accomplish.
I am now talking about year goals instead of month or week goals. That's a change.
For me, my goals for this year are to strengthen my ankle so it doesn't stay inverted and gain control of my fluttering grip so it won't take my entire body to do it.
If it doesn't happen in 2013, then it becomes a goal for 2014 or 2024. Goal deadlines are flexible where therapy exercises and recovery are concerned. The important thing to consider is looking how far you've come in the year. Surely in the year you tried to accomplish a goal, other things were accomplished. Revel in that. Celebrated your achievements no matter how small. They are a step in the right direction.
Now if you are totally satisfied in being how you are for the rest of your life, there's no hope for ya. This year is already halfway over but still on my list to achieve and goal setting, but I'm still reaching for the stars but with my feet firmly planted on the ground. I'm still intent on reaching my goals. How about you? Isn't there one thing you would like to do better? Just one?
Whew! It's finally Saturday! Not that Saturdays in my house are any different than any other day, but there are no doctor offices, therapy centers, or some place open that runs a M-F business.
I've always been a 365/7/24 person who rarely takes holidays off. What do holidays mean to me? More work of a different sort...family. This week will stand out in my mind as the busiest since my stroke with two doctor appointments, two visits to my orthodic place, three days of therapy outside the home, one extensive call from my lawyer, grocery shopping, and one very scary call from my daughter. I'm past spent and in total exhaustion mode today.
Today, I'm happy to kick back into nothingness. I know I should be writing another story to meet my monthly goal, but that will have to wait until the exhaustion passes. Maybe a task for this afternoon or evening. I'm glad to be sauntering into Saturday.
This week I've gone twice to my brace maker at Hanger to first talk about a continuing problem I've had with my AFO and then to fix it. Both visits took about three hours. My foot and leg have been fighting my AFO. After a previous visit to Hanger when I talked about the problem and got a dismissive answer, I refused to go back. A condescending attitude just leaves me cold especially when I'm trying hard with my aphasia to explain the problem.
That is until, I developed two pressure sores and my PT forced me to make another appointment. With my medical history of diabetes and diabetic neuropathy, it isn't a good thing. Combined with the ongoing problem of my therapist having difficulty in getting my foot to evert and get the dorsiflex at the same time. The specialist, different from the previous one, listened and then examined my foot. The problem wasn't with the Extensor muscle but my Achilles tendon in my calf. The end result was my AFO being cut at the ankle to allow stretching of my Achilles and a one inch block added to the heel of my AFO. In the next couple months it will be gradually shaved to stretch out my Achilles tendon. It's just going to take some adjustment and new balancing skills to walk.
Amazingly enough while the ankle is a little wobbly, the wobble will help strengthen the muscles of the ankle. The pain I had with each step is gone. The inversion which added extra pressure on my toes inside my shoe is gone and the foot seems straighter. Only time will tell if this is the fix I've needed to walk independently again.
The doctor appointments were routine, but it still ate up the hours. My husband is scheduled for another nerve burning procedure in two weeks. They can only do four at a time. So this will be an ongoing thing for the next couple months. He is also showing signs that he is going into congestive heart failure, but I'm not borrowing trouble at this point.
The call from my youngest daughter was routine. At least it started out that way. In the middle of our chat about house buying, hunting, and gardening she got another call. She put me on hold which I was promptly hung up on. Nothing new about that because it happens all the time. She called me back within minutes. He husband, a hazardous chemical trucker driver, had an accident while loading chemicals into his tanker truck and was being transported to the hospital. Several hours of worrying and praying ensued. The end result was a badly burned leg, but the other guy who pushed my son-in-law away was in worse shape (he'll be needing skin grafts).
The reason for three therapy visits instead of two was because of a new piece of equipment the out patient therapy is considering buying. I'm all for new things that may help recovery. This interactive device used e-stim with a cycle. I got more purposeful movement out of my right side than I've gotten from months of physical therapy! It was terrific, but the down side was sheer muscle exhaustion for twelve hours. But I do hope they get this machine.
So this Saturday, I'm sauntering into relaxation. I may soak in a hot tub with lots of bubbles or read a new ebook I got during the Smashwords promotion. I went wild and downloaded ten books. Whatever I do, I'm going to take it easy today because next week is just as busy.
Have you ever noticed how your focus changes in regards to your therapy workout? Some things you do regularly just because, while other things you do with more intensity? Ever wonder why that is?
It's your focus.
Somethings are more weighted than others. In the hospital my strongest focus was on just a couple of things rather than the whole program. My priorities were on coping with one handed strategies, walking, and speech. Everything else, my attitude fell into the it-would-be-nice-to-have-it-back-but category.
It's the old priority game of NEEDS vs.WANTS or would-be-nice categorizations. Nobody likes to make the list. We want all our wants in the needs pile. So here was my decision factors.
The therapist told me that fingers and hands were usually the last things to return after a stroke so that became a back burner issue. Not that I didn't NEED or WANT to have it back, but I realized that since it would take longer, my focus should be on the things that I could have restored quicker. That's not meaning I wouldn't still work at it.
I didn't WANT to place my husband in a nursing home or Hospice, so I NEEDED to improve the dexterity in my left hand to function as well as my right hand previously did like drawing up and administering injections, and monitoring vital signs..
Walking was a NEED issue. I live in an older home with smaller doors. Most will not allow access with a wheelchair. Although most of my house is level, some areas have a slight step like the marble step up into the bathrooms.
Talking was NEED because my husband is deaf and reads lips and if I can't form the words right he won't hear me. This meant working on facial muscles to restore the droop and forming words with my lips properly.
Although my aphasia and speech is still affected by the stroke, my cognitive function was moderately impaired. As an author this came as a hard blow once I realized how severe the deficit was when I tried to go back to my normal life once I got home from the hospital.
I had the ability to remember two out of three words, and the higher cognitive function of decision making choices, but my attention span was fleeting, my memory was full of gaps, my English spelling and grammar was simplistic at best, forming and computing complex strategies, and my ability to multi-task is gone.
While for most people this would be good enough, it isn't for me. The reason I say moderately impaired is because I'm a writer and this is a huge loss.
But getting back to focus. See, my "dyslexic-ADD" kicked in again. My focus since being home has changed. I want to write again. I NEED to publish again. It reason is simple. It's added income. I NEED to get my aphasia and speech under control for my ministry for the same reason.
I WANT and NEED to supplement our income. With ever increasing drains on our finances, I can't wait for Social Security to kick in. That's even with cutting back on essentials, drugs, doctors, and paying a mountain of bills are counted essentials.
My focus now, while the others are still important, in therapy either a hospital-based or at-home is cognitive and my arm. While I still do all the other stuff for my leg, it's now taken a back seat to rebuilding my arm and my brain functioning right. Reading aloud this blog and my other one helps work through my aphasia issues, "playing" games is therapy work and my time spent on force-use of my right arm are helping to restore pathways in my brain. These are my focus areas.
Regaining my foot drop and inverted foot not so much because it functions with the AFO most times. I say most times because the clonus is distracting, and the inversion can be painful when it's fighting with the AFO. My leg will take me where I need to go when supported. It keeps me mobile which is an essential and a NEED.
Yes, there is painful muscle spasms, spascicity, high tone, and a lot of other things that go along with my stroke, but focusing on what NEEDS to be accomplished the soonest keeps me goal orientated and somewhat successful in my rehabilitation workout. Narrowing the goals and focus allow me to achieve that success. Success is a powerful motivator.
So separate your NEEDS from your WANTS
Make your goals changeable to your NEEDS
Focus on your NEEDS
Set goals based on NEEDS that are obtainable
Recovery is as much a state of mind as an actual accomplishment.
