Sunday, April 20, 2014

LOL These Came Across my Desktop Today

A friend emailed these jokes to me today and I had to share. The sad thing is I can relate to each and every one. Happy Easter, y'all!


'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and
you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the
garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN..
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need
to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the
parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the
bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You're not sure if these are jokes.
***

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair!

2 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Funny! I can relate to the all-nighter.
Have a Happy Easter.

Barb Polan said...

Lol!