Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Taboos


Is nothing sacred? Yep a lot of things are like God and the Ten Commandments. But in blogging there are a lot of taboo subjects. I realize this and choose to shed light on certain subjects like incontinence.

I rarely talk about sex because I've been voluntarily celibate for the past eight years. I prefer to have sex with a partner. My husband has been too ill to participate. It's not that I don't have permission to stray. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity, I have. My husband gave me permission to seek other companionship in that area, but it is a choice to remain faithful to my beloved. Being a relative healthy female, I do miss it. Some say it's like riding a bike so I'm not worried.

The thing about taboos is that people do talk about the issues among themselves or suffer in silence. I tend to lay it all out on the table and speak my mind. Sure there is plenty of information from medical sources on the web about subjects that are taboo, but very little "my story" type reading. Let's face it, you can read all the medical context you want but there is nothing like reading a first hand account of something similar that you are going through. You can honestly say that I'm not alone. 840K speaks very loudly (most since I've had my stroke).

Recently I heard from a reader that has had urinary incontinence issues since she was six years old and numerous surgeries to correct the issues. It warms my heart that I touched someone going through what I am and can relate to what I am saying. The reasons behind it are different, but the problem is the same. It proves to me there is an audience for my taboo topics. So many people suffer from the " Oops I can't say that online" syndrome. I don't suffer from it at all. Nothing is taboo with me but I try to keep my blog PG-13.

I believe that if you are experiencing something- you should talk about it. Not just the bad stuff or good stuff. I admittedly try to keep the poor-pitiful-me to a minimum and tell it like it is. Sometimes I rant and rage about injustices, but I do try to keep it light hearted.  Nobody really wants to read complaint after complaint or whining. Although I do that too occasionally. 

I've been bashed because I view my stroke as a learning experience and MY view of things.  But I honestly do. Since my stroke, I've developed more cyber friends and viewers online than I ever did when this was just a blog for writers or an author's blog. Yes this blog is still for writers because that is what I'm attempting to get back to. But with my second stroke the cognitive deficit is more marked.

What I regained months after my initial stroke has put me at -25 now. So I'm struggling here just to blog. Even writing this blog is hard to come up with words. Obvious with my continued absence. It now takes me three days to put together one blog between the (xxx) where I can't find the word or correcting all the red squiggly lines. Talk about a major setback for an author! But at least I am trying.

I appreciate all comments and emails but if you feel so strongly against the subject matter... stop reading. I usually preface my blogs in the first couple sentences. Nobody is twisting your arm to keep reading. I lead by example and follow like minded people. Even if the following drops right off a cliff. Well maybe not to that extreme. I imagine you do the same. My goal is not to alienate people but to say, "Hey, you're not alone."

I may never get back to being the writer I once was, but it's a goal I'm striving for. Thanks for sticking with me for the journey.

Nothing is impossible with determination.

10 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You should look for the positive, because otherwise that's just really depressing.
Remaining faithful is a beautiful thing.

Rebecca Dutton said...

It's hard to believe you've been bashed. I've never been offended by any of your posts. I guess being a stroke survivor gave me a new point of view.

Zan Marie said...

{{{{hugs}}}} Telling it like it is helps you and others. Forget about any one who gets offended. The rest of us love it!

J.L. Murphey said...

Alex- I am looking at the positive, but without the negative there is no balance. I agree faithful should be my middle name.

Rebecca- The internet is full of people who are contrary just to contrary. FYI the e-mailer was a stroke survivor also. He fanatically said nothing good came with his stroke and my weak attempts to justify the struggle was self-depreciating and in poor taste. (to paraphrase) Another just said nothing useful every came from blogging about stroke recovery. Another took offense to the taboo subjects of urination and defecation. The gist was how could I talk about such things!

oc1dean said...

I have pretty much given up on responding to emailers, they have an agenda to push and don't have enough courage to write their own blog.
I like honesty in survivors blogs, we don't get that from most of our medical staff.

J.L. Murphey said...

Dean,
I still respond to emailers. Not that I try to convince them I'm right. opinions are like assholes everybody's got one. Courage to write a blog? I never thought of it that way.

Zan Marie {{{{hugs back at ya}}} and thanks!

Lara Lacombe said...

It takes a special kind of arrogance to tell someone what they can and can't blog about (barring illegal activities, of course!) You keep doing what you're doing, Jo, and I'll keep reading! (((hugs)))

Barb Polan said...

I agree with Dean that if someone doesn't like my opinion, that person is welcome to muster a little courage and spill his/her guts in a blog; I might even read it. I love collecting other people's points of view.

You'll get back to writing soon; it's coming back even now, isn't it? This post is organized and focussed, tying multiple concepts together, and it moves right along, keeping the reader reading. What more can a writer do?

P.S. I have both incontinence and bowel troubles.


Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Jo - honestly I wish people would think first ... we are so lucky we live in a free society, and we can do what we like (to a point) and equally I can switch off here and go away - but I won't: because like you I like to learn .. and appreciate your situation slightly, only slightly .... I just plain admire you.

With many thoughts - Hilary

J.L. Murphey said...

Hilary,
Thank you.