Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Apology, Rant, Retrospect, and Goals for 2014

I've been pretty scares from the blogging world for the past two months in writing, reading, and responding to all of your blog posts, and I apologize for that.

Life has really gotten the better of me. Part of me wants to bury my had in the sand, but that's against my nature. But the though is nice and tempting.

I tend to lead by example. That's my approach to life and ministering, but it's hard.

Financially, we are at a place where I never wanted to be again...borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. The cushion we had in case of emergencies and unforeseen necessities, is gone. Prolonged illnesses can do that- husband's terminal disease and my stroke. Come in January 2014, we will be in debt again with no way of circumventing it. So much for my debt free life style. SIGH! I did enjoy it.

Now for the rant #1. My quest for Social Security Disability is over. According to the I'm not disabled right!
Administration I am able to work. Meanwhile, others who milk the system continue to be approve. It's down right irritating when pastoring a flock and leading others to salvation is considered a hobby. My book sales are down and I'm currently unable to write and publish anything new to boost sales...another dying career with my stroke, but

Rant #2. On a blog I follow there is a pastor's wife going through the same situation with her strokee husband. Helpful to know I'm not alone in my misery. She mentioned that the way people view hardships suffered by pastors and their families as leasing by example. I bristled at that. Go figure, it was an opposite view point against my nature. Yes, it's true I lead by example but I live in the world just like anyone else! Just because I'm a woman of God, doesn't mean we are better than the rest of you. We are not exempt from adverse feelings the same pressures you face when situations arrive. We just cover them with prayer and faith, but it doesn't change the facts.

Now this is going to sound totally crazy after the last part. In retrospect over what has been accomplished since 2012 and 2013. I've been blessed.

Given all the bad stuff over the past two years...my hubby being moved to hospice care, my stroke, and financial woes. I have excelled in other ways for personal triumphs.Yes, all the bad stuff happened, but with each hit I've managed to keep my head above water. I've met new friends online, continue to get support from a handful of regular friends and family. Not financial but in other ways. Actually, it could be financial because without them I would have to pay someone to do it otherwise.

Looking ahead to 2014...
  •  I can expect more of the same. Doesn't that sound inviting? I'm more at peace with burying the love of my life. I can now say with certainty that life will continue.
  • My stroke recovery will happen when I least expect it. I no longer expect 100% but the more the better. Yes, I've finally learned patience.
  • I will be having surgery on my affected ankle to release the contracted Achilles tendon. I have no choice if I want to improve the paralysis of the muscles involved with the inverted foot.
  •  I plan to breed my rabbits and build another out building (larger) to house the increase. I will be selling the excess meat rabbits. 
  • I plan on getting a trio of breeding Angora rabbits. No one is doing that in a twelve county area.
  • I plan on ministering more and possibly getting officially back into service full time.
  • My youngest daughter and son are moving in permanently after my husband dies. I'm under no illusions that I can live by myself. My caregiver instinct will not allow it.
  • I will wait on the Lord.
  • Try and write more. Small projects (quick cash) while continuing to work on "Don't Get Your Panties in a Wad."
So that's the look ahead.

Keep writing and loving the Lord
and
 Nothing is impossible with determination

10 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You're not disabled right? Is there such a thing?
You do indeed live in this world and have the same needs as everyone else.
Glad your daughter and son are moving in with you. That will be a great support to you.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Jo - I'm not surprised you've been 'away' .. you really do have so much going on. The lack of funds is one of the worst and I can only pray that things will improve.

However it's good to know that your family is caring and will be around to help out. Your husband for now is the most important, though I understand the essential need for the ankle operation ..

My thoughts - Hilary

J.L. Murphey said...

Alex, according to Social Security, I am capable of holding down a job. Being paralyzed on one side, not being able to talk clearly or without get my words jumbled, or walk without causing pressure sores for more than fifty steps isn't disabled enough.

Hilary, The ankle or Achilles tendon surgery has been in the loop of possibilities for months now while the doctor tried other things. Unfortunately what was accomplished was not much better in getting me and keeping me on my feet.

Barb Polan said...

Jo, As you know, that's just crazy that you're not considered disabled. I can tell from here (Mass.) that you are.

Not only are you disabled - you're tough and stubborn. And smart - you'll figure it out.

BTW, I hope you never prayed for patience, because then you've got only yourself to blame - the ONLY way to learn patience is to wait a REALLY long time for something you REALLY want.

And, yes, we have ridiculous expectations of or clergy as they go through hard times.

Lara Lacombe said...

Sounds like you have a great plan for the coming year--good for you for choosing to focus on the good!

Amy said...

I said to Brooke that I can't believe Zack hasn't qualified for disability but I can't believe you haven't either. It was easy and immediate for me. Perhaps because of my age? As Barb said, disablity is SO screwed up.

Zan Marie said...

Oh how I love SS Disability...NOT! Gee, guys, where are your eyes?!?

OTOH, you'll figure it out with the help of family and friends.
{{{hugs}}} for Thursday. ;-)

Rebecca Dutton said...

Maybe it's time to contact a disability lawyer?

J.L. Murphey said...

Rebecca, That verdict came down WITH my lawyer.

Jeremy [Retro] said...

regardless of the "life" stuff, you will survive as you have proven to overcome and have a level of strength, courage and the will. i do hope the plans of 2014 improve and the bad stuff... doesn't happen. thank you for sharing you and your life... i know that life is always in the way, sometimes it's not all bad.