Life has really gotten the better of me. Part of me wants to bury my had in the sand, but that's against my nature. But the though is nice and tempting.
I tend to lead by example. That's my approach to life and ministering, but it's hard.
Financially, we are at a place where I never wanted to be again...borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. The cushion we had in case of emergencies and unforeseen necessities, is gone. Prolonged illnesses can do that- husband's terminal disease and my stroke. Come in January 2014, we will be in debt again with no way of circumventing it. So much for my debt free life style. SIGH! I did enjoy it.
Now for the rant #1. My quest for Social Security Disability is over. According to the I'm not disabled right!
Administration I am able to work. Meanwhile, others who milk the system continue to be approve. It's down right irritating when pastoring a flock and leading others to salvation is considered a hobby. My book sales are down and I'm currently unable to write and publish anything new to boost sales...another dying career with my stroke, but
Rant #2. On a blog I follow there is a pastor's wife going through the same situation with her strokee husband. Helpful to know I'm not alone in my misery. She mentioned that the way people view hardships suffered by pastors and their families as leasing by example. I bristled at that. Go figure, it was an opposite view point against my nature. Yes, it's true I lead by example but I live in the world just like anyone else! Just because I'm a woman of God, doesn't mean we are better than the rest of you. We are not exempt from adverse feelings the same pressures you face when situations arrive. We just cover them with prayer and faith, but it doesn't change the facts.
Given all the bad stuff over the past two years...my hubby being moved to hospice care, my stroke, and financial woes. I have excelled in other ways for personal triumphs.Yes, all the bad stuff happened, but with each hit I've managed to keep my head above water. I've met new friends online, continue to get support from a handful of regular friends and family. Not financial but in other ways. Actually, it could be financial because without them I would have to pay someone to do it otherwise.
Looking ahead to 2014...
- I can expect more of the same. Doesn't that sound inviting? I'm more at peace with burying the love of my life. I can now say with certainty that life will continue.
- My stroke recovery will happen when I least expect it. I no longer expect 100% but the more the better. Yes, I've finally learned patience.
- I will be having surgery on my affected ankle to release the contracted Achilles tendon. I have no choice if I want to improve the paralysis of the muscles involved with the inverted foot.
- I plan to breed my rabbits and build another out building (larger) to house the increase. I will be selling the excess meat rabbits.
- I plan on getting a trio of breeding Angora rabbits. No one is doing that in a twelve county area.
- I plan on ministering more and possibly getting officially back into service full time.
- My youngest daughter and son are moving in permanently after my husband dies. I'm under no illusions that I can live by myself. My caregiver instinct will not allow it.
- I will wait on the Lord.
- Try and write more. Small projects (quick cash) while continuing to work on "Don't Get Your Panties in a Wad."
Keep writing and loving the Lord
Nothing is impossible with determination