Sunday Stroke Survial: Beat Depression wih Forward Progress

Depression can be a killer if you let it be. Sometimes, you don't realize depression is taking over your life until you are in full fledged depression, or you look back on the episode like I have this week. Depression comes in waves. Gentle at first, and then grows in size and strength until the waves engulfs you to the point you feel that you are drowning. It washes away self-confidence, self-worth, and just about all determination or effort to change before you realize it.

I was almost to the point of being engulfed because of circumstances. Ministers are not exempted from depression. We are human too. Remember a couple of weeks ago I posted about fear being a liar and a thief? You can substitute "depression" for "fear" here. I'd forgotten to do this and was sinking fast without truly recognizing it for what it was. I was in a sticky, smelly quagmire of  despair. It happened so slowly. First one thing then another compounded it, then another and so on for months. The creeping nature of this depressive bout could easily be discounted for other things like chomping at the bit waiting, or even chronic pain. I ignored the fact that I was going into a depression   Of course, these factors played heavily into my depressed state.

Yes, I did.

Finally, I recognized it for what it was. Yes, there were extenuating circumstances like still not hearing from Emory and heightened chronic pain, but I woke up and put on my big girl panties.

I remembered I'm not alone in this fight which was feeling like someone had stole my lollipop mid lick. I had allies in my corner. I'm not discounting God, but He had my back also. Who do you think rang the alarm bell that woke me up in the first place? I had hand picked my doctors also, hadn't I? A simple phone call from them was all it took to get a rope to pull me out of the quagmire of depression. In other words, steps towards forward progress. Nobody speaks doctor like doctors. I come close, but it's not the same.

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Suddenly, there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I could see the end of it. Hope was restored. Whether the Baclofen trial works or not, there is forward progress. Once the trial is over, we move forward. Whether I expect it to work is besides the point. My ultimate goal is the Rhizotomy for my arm. Relaxation of my leg can be accomplished with my increased medication and Botox if the Baclofen trial fails. It may not work as well, but it works for 45 out of 90 days. It's an option. Going this route takes longer to get results, but I get results. My major pain source is my arm.

It's amazing what a little hope does to depression. Almost instantaneously, you are doing the Snoopy dance of happiness that depression can't stand. Sure there is a long road ahead, but with a renewed spring in your step it seems doable. Depression melts away. The same goes for living post stroke. Being active in your recovery, no matter how long it takes, you have a ultimate goal in your mind and soul. It doesn't mean that you sit by the wayside and wait. You take the steps (exercises and repetition) to reach your goal while living your life to the best of your ability while you wait to reach your goal. Yes, I'm back touting the same old lines again.

Life abhors a vacuum. Depression is an equivalent to a vacuum. While depressed you are standing still. You are listening to the liar and a thief who is telling you, you can't. I'm telling you can. Can't never could.

So get off that chair and get to it. Make some forward progress today and get off that slippery slope of depression. One small step leads to another. You have to claw and crawl before you can walk or run. When facing living post stroke, we are all infants who stand holding onto something. May we continue to have the courage to let go and run.

Nothing is impossible.