Thursday, September 13, 2018

How Do You Help a Chlld Overcome Fear?

James @ 6
My six-year old grandson learning a hard lesson in reality. He's at an age where he is understanding more about things like tragedies, catastrophic events, etc. like 9-11 which anniversary just passed. His school did a memorial. His young mind is starting to put things together too.

He watched the replay of the twin towers being hit by airplanes. He's flown on commercial airlines before. His Daddy flies all the time for work. He is presently in Afghanistan. His mother has a tripped planned for visiting her sister in Alaska next month. Their family has several trips planned in the next six months to prepare for their relocation to Ireland next summer. James is now terrified of flying.

He watched as people fell to their deaths from the towers. Even though his grandfather died, it was three years ago. These deaths of the people were horrific, not peaceful as his grandfather's was. The real concept of death and war hit him although he understood that people were gone.  His Daddy was in a war zone. His Daddy! The man that chose him to be his son unlike his brothers who were born of him. His Daddy loved him so much that he went to court to make him his so nobody could separate them ever. Yes, for a six-year old, he understood much.

 Jennifer, my daughter, let him watch the news that night. It was part of his social studies homework. The top story was about an American base in Afghanistan being bombed. There were no survivors. James, being a smart kid, knew what base his Daddy was attached to. It was his Daddy's base camp that got hit. He was inconsolable.

Jennifer immediately got on the phone and called her beloved, the reassure both of them. No answer. Jennifer called the Wives hot line. Busy. Then, she waited for her phone to ring or a knock on the door. For eighteen hours, they knew nothing. Her phone finally rung. It was David, her beloved. He and his buddy were reassigned the day of the bomb and had flown out of the base the morning of the blast. Between the flight and the check in procedures, he couldn't call sooner.

It was all too much for this little boy to handle. We've talked to him and reassured him, but he's severely traumatized. The fact that I'm in Georgia and he's in AZ isn't helping. All I can do is love him, from afar. She set an appointment for him with a child psychiatrist. In the meantime, she's cancelled her visit with her sister. The idea that he could lose both parents in plane crashes is too much for his little mind can handle or needs to cope with right now. Jenn is erring on the side of caution where  her son's long term health is concerned, I can't fault her for that.

Jennifer and David 2018
While Jennifer and David are not officially married. their wedding to make it official was planned for June 2019. In Arizona, they are considered common law married because they have lived together as man and wife for four years. They've since called off their wedding because of the current events. They will get married in Ireland when David has leave in March. She calls it eloping in Ireland. I think it's sound thinking. I'm happy for them and wish them well.

Why Ireland? Jennifer's new job as executive pastry chef starts in July. David's corporate headquarters is there. David dual citizenship (Ireland and US) and half of his family is there. Jennifer is sort of Irish by way of my beloved. Why not? Besides, it'll give me a chance to use my passport. A flight there is actually cheaper than a flight to Arizona.

2 comments:

  1. What an enormous set of disasters for him to be anxious about. As you probably know, anxiety cannot be eliminated by logic: when I'm sitting in a boat, anxious about the water, I'm not actually afraid of drowning, but of the water. No sympathy offered about no one ever being knocked from the boat or that my crew will pull me back into the boat or even that I'd wearing a flotation device calms me. All I can do is try to self-comfort and wait patiently for the situation to be over.

    I feel for both you and your grandson - and for Jennifer. All the best to all of you.

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    Replies
    1. I know Barb. It's bad when an adult has to go through this stuff, but being six years old? His brothers at 3 and 1 don't have the ability yet to develop this fear too. Thank God.

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