Friday, January 24, 2014

Limbo or In the Box Again

I'm in limbo or in the box again.  According to dictionary.com
Limbo-
3. an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.
4. a place or state of imprisonment or confinement.


I just call it "in a box." I can't go left or right, forward or backwards, up or down. It's a pretty frustrating feeling, but I've learned not to fight it and just be. Yeah, I've been here many times before. It's never an enviable or pleasant situation. But then there is a comfort to be here too.

I can here you now...she's finally reached the edge of cliff and jumped, she's positively insane, poor thing she's lost it. None of the above.

Like I've said before I know this position very well having been put in the box umpteen dozen times in my life. Why is there "comfort" in box? Well it depends on your point of view. For me, I'm sheltered and protected by the box in limbo. It's a time to fall back into myself for self discovery, It's a place where I can recharge my batteries for what's to come.

For years, I didn't have this wisdom. I railed against the box or being put in limbo. I kept trying to escape, to do, to accomplish anything. I wasn't released until I settled down. Similar to a child throwing a tantrum when faced with something against their wishes, I'd come out exhausted, totally spent and unable to handle what came next.


So how come I'm in limbo now? I'm waiting.
  • Waiting for finances to ease up so I can breathe again. 
  • Hampered by my stroke from achieving what I want to do...life one handed and brain like scrambled eggs with no rhyme or reason of linear logical thought processes like writing Don't Get Your Panties in a Wad.  
  • Waiting and dreading my husband dying. 
  • Trying to push against the daily chronic fatigue since my stroke and being stymied. Notice I didn't say failing. 
  • Waiting for life to get back to "normal" or the next set of  crises. Hey, I'm an action/adventure junkie, what can I say. 
  • Waiting for the decubitus of my foot to heal so I can at least walk without daggers being thrust into my foot with each step.
  • Waiting for an ankle fusion surgery so the decubitus will be history.
  • Waiting for television shows to come off their mid season hiatus. 
  • Waiting on February 11th when I can get my next series of Botox injections so I can sort of move again without fighting spastic muscles. 
  • Waiting for the weather to warm so I can plant my garden. 
So I'm just stuck right now in waiting. The dam will break and real life will barge in breaking the confines of the box and I will be hit from all sides again. So in way being in the box isn't so bad after all.

Nothing is impossible with determination except the box.

4 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

There's a season for all things, including waiting. Don't enjoy it, but there's a reason for it.

Zan Marie said...

There is a season for all things, but we don't always like the one we're in. {{{{hugs}}}}

Jeremy [Retro] said...

We are here and we are hearing you... things are to remind us, we have things.

Rebecca Dutton said...

Waiting is one of the hardest things for me to do.