Monday, November 11, 2013

...Ad Yes, I'm Taking Care of Myself Too



Thank y'all for the concern expressed for me to take care of myself during this waiting game with the Grim Reaper. This is in response to all the comments and emails I've received.

I still sleep fitfully part due to my hubby and the other part due to physical pain. Last night I fell into a deep sleep at 10PM and didn't wake until 7AM. I didn't move a muscle (as in change position) all night long. This became a huge problem when I tried to get up...namely a painful back. I moaned and groaned into a seated position. Rice Krispies sounding with each increment of movement. As much as my desire to check on my hubby was, I couldn't get my body to move. Each step sent reverberating painful shock waves up my spine. Yes, it is a thrill a minute getting older.

But I am taking care of myself too. Rarely a day goes by when someone isn't in the house with us to lighten the load. I usually spend that time napping. I'm still fighting the fatigue accompanying my stroke. The spasticity has worsened in spite of the Botox due to the added stress. Meditation and deep breathing helps bring things into perspective. I have a cardiology appointment next week for my FUBARed heart. The ventricular fib has worsened to the point where I'm having to take medicine every day again. It's just another way of proving me as Abby Normal. Stroke patients have issues with atrial fib before a stroke not ventricular fib. It was a nice vacation from my heart condition while it lasted.

The neighborhood has started burning all the Fall leaves setting my allergies on high alert again. Why can't everyone just compost their yard trash like I do instead of paying hundreds of dollars in the Spring to fertilize their plants? It makes too much sense maybe. Calm, Jo, calm.

I've started my Fall/Winter garden in my raised beds. I've planted garlic, lettuces, mustard and turnip greens, and some sweet and white potatoes. Since we don't get a hard freeze usually until January, I think I'm safe. But just in case I've bought some PVC pipe and plastic. I'm getting a late start this year because it has been so warm up until October. We are still in the 70s and 80s here with night time temps hovering in the high 50s. Anyhow it gets me out of the house and in nature mode but still within ear shot when everyone else's fires and smoke allows.

As far as my therapy goes, I've basically quit for now. Movement causes pain although I'm still working my hand. I'm beginning to think my leg is a lost cause without surgery. The ulcer has healed once again. Wohoo! But I'm still being cautious about the time I'm actually on my feet. I don't want to go through another six months of that stuff.

I just saw my neurologist about me back sliding in some of the areas I had previously  recovered but then lost. Yep, I had another tiny stroke. Part of me knew I had. So writing will have to wait until I recover some words and I regain my balance once again. But the good news is I'm recovering those skills fast than before on my own without going through additional PT sessions. I just have to rebuild my mind some more. Too many red and green squiggles are getting frustrating even with this blog. More game playing and such. Lord knows, I get enough practice with speaking with everyone in and out of my house, and the phone.

My hubby had another bout of severe chest pains today. At first (a few seconds) I  freaked out thinking this was it, and then I  calmed myself down. I grabbed his nitroglycerin and the rest of the items in my jump bag. I took his vitals and called his hospice nurse. What a relief it's not on me anymore. The pain subsided and he fell asleep again. I chanted a centering meditation ditty and breathed. Checked his vitals one more time and walked outside. The neighborhood is blanketed in low hanging smoke.

 I've been busy with my husband's family trickling in at my request. He's got a rather large and extended family also. My hubby still feels the need to entertain them. He has so much he wants to say to them but lacks the energy or breath to do so. He asked me why he was sleeping so much because his medicines have not changed drastically, but he has trouble staying awake. I simply told him that it is taking all of his energy to breathe that there's nothing left for anything else. You can't run a car on an empty gas tank.

I know my readers of this blog are standing in the wings as a support group for me. All the prayers, hugs, and concerns are gratefully accepted. But know that I'm alright. Also know that I appreciate each and every one of you. Hugs back at you.

4 comments:

Lara Lacombe said...

Jo, you're often on my mind. Know that I am thinking about you and your family, and wishing you the best during this difficult time.

LynnMarie said...

Sounds like you are holding up the best you can and you still make me smile with you post. I continue to pray for you and the entire family as you all go this difficult time.

Deniz Bevan said...

Sending lots of {{hugs}}

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Jo - probably relaxing (into the situation) is the best thing .. the less stress the better - what you need will continue to be there I'm afraid.

You are looking after yourself .. and all those visitors are good for your husband, and in some ways for you ... you'll be pleased later on that they came by and your husband wanted to give them some time ..

With big hugs - Hilary