Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

It is official. I've just past the thirty day post stroke. I wish I could say I'm back to normal,but I can't. I have recovered my shoulder, but my arm is still in spasms. A brace holds my wrist and fingers on my right side stretched out. I've gained a small amount of movement in my elbow. I muddle through a road map with alternate routes to do simple things.

My ankle still has too much muscle tone in it to be able to walk without my brace,but I can walk with a half walker (hemi-walker). My daughter bought me a Barbie bicycle basket so at least I can carry some things. Before that I was carrying bottles of water in the crook between  my neck and collar bone. I just got approved for out patient rehab at the hospital which is great. I've got about 10 weeks of rehab left on my insurance plan which is a blessing.

What is killing me right now is my inability to write although my typing is getting better. My thoughts move faster than my fingers. My actual writing still suck because I'm not left handed and am praying to get my right elbow and wrist marginally functional.

The cognitive side of writing is still a challenge,but I spend hours each day playing word games online and it is getting better. At best it's a dyslexic ADD, but I've never stepped away from a challenge. I told my husband that my genius IQ slipped to normal,but my thought patterns still try to achieve what it once did without effort. My brain sort of short circuits when there are too many voices at once. Woe be to me with multiple characters sounding off in my head at any given time and regular conversations.

Already my brain is churning on a nonfiction about this experience, but like my "To Have and Let Go," about living with a terminal spouse,  nonfiction I don't have an ending yet. For the writer in me it is all grist for the mill. Every experience, every challenge, every thought are all a part of what makes me Me. I've cancelled all the weddings, the counseling sessions, the writer conferences, and book signings until fall. I just don't see myself being able to do any which is a big ouchie. I pulled the kindle versions of my books off the market  before the stroke so e-versions are only available through Smashwords and I can't reformat them yet.

My Black Orchid competition piece is still on my hard drive. I missed the deadline while in the hospital.maybe next year. I can't illustrate my childrens series yet. Typing and writing tires my brain if longer than an hour, SO my writing career is pretty much on hold. But that's not stopping y'all!

Keep writing and loving the Lord.

1 comment:

Zan Marie said...

Gracious, Jo! You're in my prayers!