Sunday Stroke Survival: Up All Night

Remember back when you were a teenager and had slumber/sleep over parties with your girlfriends or the guys?  You had games like whoever fell asleep first awoke in the morning to a frozen bra or some such nonsense. My Daddy would shake his head at us "gaggy girls" as he called us. We talk about everything...mostly boys, gossip, movie idols, and just stuff.

Light 'cause we were counting calories

 Even when I turned thirty, my adopted sister whose birthday was a week after mine, had a different type of slumber party. A get drunk and be miserable slumber party to commemorated the end of our youth. We ordered a large Domino "garbage" pizza, a pizza with everything thing on it, and then dousing it with hot sauce before taking the first bite. We ran out of beer at some point and went to the store for more. No, we didn't drive... we walked. We were two sheets in the wind by that point, being thirty we knew better than to operate a motor vehicle while intoxicated. The clerk at the store bagged our 24-pack and rang us up. My sister had to beg him to card her. Yes, it was truly an end of an era for us.  Now at 60, I get carded at the grocery store when I buy wine for my roommate and her cat. I have grandchildren old enough to legally drink alcohol. Go figure. I guess I don't look my age or something.

This week has been a long one. Mainly due to lack of sleep for both of us. I wish I could say we were having fun, but I can't. Mel was having one of her insomnia jags, She's had these since her TBI (traumatic brain injury) as a child. The longest she's stayed awake, since I've been here, is four days. She'll try all her usual things to sleep that doesn't involve medicating herself. She will usually collapse from exhaustion after that. Then she'll have her regular seven-hour sleep schedule back until the next time.

For me, it's been a combination of things. I've really been in a funk all summer. My stroke anniversary was compounded by the waiting for surgery dates. ARGH! Don't let me get started on this again. The anniversaries of my beloved's and my mother's deaths have really hit me hard this year. Fibromyagia and arthritis flares compounded by two ill fitting AFOs, and having to switch back and forth between them is getting old.

I missed my last therapy appointment meaning my pain levels have increased to the point of almost the screaming memes. I mean I stopped going once a week to save insurance points which was optimal for pain relief to go every two weeks for marginal pain relief. By the time I get in there again a month will have passed. It's my own fault, but still it's painful.

It's hard to find a comfortable sleeping position when my foot is inwardly cocked at 30+ degrees and one arm is glued to my chest because of the spasticity. Because of the arm being locked in this position, my shoulders, neck, and spine muscles are all pulled into horrible angles trying to compensate. So when the cramping spasms start, there is no sleeping. My sleeping schedule is nodding off while watching television or at the computer. It's a viscous cycle of 20-30 minute nod offs snatched from my pain.

My Valium and pain medicine (Tramadol) have failed me. I don't need possible seizures added to my long list of problems. I refuse to go on a higher dose of both of them. My previous drug addiction issues not withstanding, I just refuse. I only use them when absolutely necessary to begin with.  I mean 30 tablets of each will last me six months to a year. That's how sparingly I was taking them. Not so much now, I've gone through an entire prescription in two months trying to reduce my pain enough to sleep. I took them only as a last resort, but even so I'm not sleeping like I shouldn't continues. I've opted for a higher doses of my Cymbalta, Baclofen and Dantrolene instead with a renewal of all their side effects. I'm now at the maximum prescribed dose on all three.

Does it sound like I'm whining? I'm just tired. This is the downside of living post stroke. All I know is this can't continue.

Nothing is impossible.