Thursday, March 5, 2015

Thursday's Tumbles and Stumbles: Murphy's Law Strikes Again

You know the old sayings of, "The best laid plans of mice and men," and Murphy's Law's, "Whatever can go wrong will"? That's been my week. I've had one stumble after another in the what things should have gone on. This week is mostly about me.

I've been delaying my decision on whether or not to have my regularly scheduled Botox series. Mostly out of fear because of last time. I mean I've lost the little bladder continence I had and went full time in pull-ups due to the bladder and kidney stresses due to an infection. I was on the verge of kidney failure. The resulting infection also caused my bladder sling (implant) to fail. It actually ripped a piece of my hip muscle when it broke loose causing six weeks of pain and an unstable gait until it healed. Yeah, I was scared of it happening again.

Personally, I hate procrastinating because it always seems to come back and bite you in the rear. This time, as usual, it did. I knew my Botox injections were scheduled for the middle of March. It's always between the 5th and the 20th...except this time. It started with me not being able to find my appointment card. It's only been three months and it's not like I have an uneventful life. No problem, I thought. I could just call the office an get it. Well, I did. My appointment wasn't for next week, but for Wednesday! As in two days. I kept the appointment.

After the successful result with dry needling of my leg moving on Thursday of last week, the spasticity returned full force by Sunday. I wasn't disappointed. It was expected. I actually gained a day of freedom from the spasticity so I was rejoicing. Because of an office inservice, I didn't get a chance to make this week's appointments. Monday I called the rehab place to set them up, or so I thought.

My therapist had a family emergency and had to fly to Scotland. He won't be back until the 16th. At my query, nope, nobody else was certified to do the dry needling in this town. Or, even in a 100-mile radius.They asked if I wanted to see regular therapist for stretching. I'm technically a new patient, they don't understand that my arm and leg do not relax enough once the spasticity sets in full force like it is now. My spasticity post-stroke isn't a sometimes thing that causes pain and muscle tightness like it for some very fortunate survivors, it's almost constant without Botox or dry needling. Think Cerebral Palsy spasticity. I have brief moments during a day when my arm isn't drawn up to my chest in spasm. So at the present moment while I wait the one to two weeks for the Botox to take effect or dry needling I'm in pain constantly.

Not that I blame my therapist for abandoning me. If roles were reversed, I would have dropped everything if my mom gad needed me and was at death's door. What am I talking about. I did do it when it was my mother. So I totally understand.

On another front, my hubby decided he was no embarrassed by wearing pull-ups last weekend and decided he wanted to wear regular underwear again. I really can't blame him either. If I had my druthers, I wouldn't be wearing them either.

He had been doing well about using the urinal and bedside commode. No accidents or added work for me. [Dum, dum, dum] Murphy's law strikes again this weekend. He had a major blowout of the bladder and bowel type again. Made worse because all of the weight he's lost makes his briefs two sizes too big. So the briefs caught none but getting soaked through. Why does this always seem to  happen on the weekend when hospice was on short staff? As if, I'd really call them for this even though I could.

I got him cleaned up, in fresh clothes and bedding. Of course, all this commotion increased his pain and anxiety levels so it was more Ativan and morphine. Not to mention mine as well. My past demon of drug abuse raised its head but a quick prayer slayed it.  Even after thirty plus years of being dry, the demon still haunts me whispering in my ear the same old excuses, What could it hurt?...Just one time... It's available, why not?...You could use it...You deserve this break. I flicked that little demon off my shoulder once again. Yes! Victory! I took an hour nap as a reward instead. He took a two-hour nap. Needless to say, my hubby is in pull-ups again.

He also lost another pound this week. I had thought he was doing well by maintaining 92.5 lbs. While he's teetered around with a half pound for a month now (gain and loss), I didn't expect a full pound when I got him up on the scale.

Strawberries are in season now and the store has them on sale so I've been making him strawberry shortcakes as snacks. Think of a cake soupy with whip cream, strawberry sugar syrup and pureed strawberries.  Of course, he's got his three bags of chocolate a week too. I really stocked up after Valentine's Day and will again after Easter. There won't be another candy holiday until Halloween. I'm still making him eclair cakes in between. Yes, I do feed him regular food too. In fact he dined on home made Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans yesterday. Today's menu is BBQ chicken, potato salad (made from leftover mashed potatoes), and my homemade corn relish. I still try to make meals tasty and interesting in spite of it being toddler food consistency for him.

So that's this week's doom and gloom report. How has your week been?

4 comments:

Zan Marie said...

{{{{hugs}}}} Jo, it's scary to take care of another. My MIL is teetering on complete failure of so many systems. Add constant, intractable infections, and you have a perfect storm. Only this time, the insurance, in all their wisdom, required that she be pulled into a car and hauled to an infusion center instead of allowing home health care and my hubby to do it at home. :-P I'm tired. He's tired. His mom isn't happy and that means no one is happy. :-P on it all.

Other than that, I'm closing in on a contest deadline for my novel and crossing my fingers that the feedback will be great. If I make the semis, I'll be dancing in the streets. ;-)

J.L. Murphey said...

Zan Marie,
{{{hugs}}} back at you. You also have tons on your plate.

Debra Giuffrida said...

Dear Jo ~
I have been absent from all of my darlings for far too long. My dear mother was put into hospice here at her house a week or so before last Thanksgiving and she passed just five days after Thanksgiving.
Needless to say I have been up and down with suppressed grief and completely paralyzed by depression due to the stress of having to come to terms with her pack-rat habits and her lack of a will.
Sigh...I also am consumed by guilt. I wish that I had done more for her. She set up so many barricades that I just ended up escaping and running off to the barn in anger and pain.
Now I know that it was all predicated by a woman my mother took in off the streets. Her lies poisoned my mother against both my brother and me. So sad.
So I read about your struggles and see how you are able to fight on and I count my blessings.
I wish I could be with you and hug you and give you my shoulder. You are so strong and I feel so weak, just like a bowl of banana pudding.
Thank you for being you.
Deb

J.L. Murphey said...

Yes, Debra it's been a while since I've seen your pixels. My sympathies on losing your mother and all you've had to deal with.

First let me say, let go of your regret. For every decision you make there are a thousand wold of-could of-should of to be faced. You made the right decision for you at the time. Letting these decisions haunt you now only brings pain after the fact. Understand that guilt is part of the grieving process. It's time to be less hard on yourself and move on.

I am not any more stronger than anyone else. I've made my choices just like you have. For every decision reached there are good and bad consequences. I have my moments where I can't stop the tears, get angry, and just run away just like anybody else. It's my stubbornness that keeps it all in check.

Hugs to you Debra. Email if you want to talk.