Twiddling My Thumbs

Today finds me with a day off sort of. A day off??? What's that? Those you have followed the Murphey saga over the years, previous to this blog, wonder if I ever get down time.

It is 1 P.M.  Prayers and Bible study are done.  My homework for the week is completed.  My husband is sleeping comfortably and no oxygen or cardiac alarms are making a god-awful racket.  My youngest daughter is in Savannah with her fiancee.  My lesson plans are done.  My sermon for tomorrow is completed and rehearsed.  Dinner is planned and cooking low and slow--a pot roast.  I've written a chapter in my new novel, Engineered Death.  I've edited several chapters in previously completed works-in-progress.  Written another 500 words to a couple of work-in- progress non-fictions.  I've read and posted in Compuserve's Books and Writers Community. I answered and returned emails from five separate accounts.  I know y'all are reading this and thinking wait a minute...this is a day off?

Yes for me, this is now considered a day off. Everything I had planned, or worked on is as complete as I want it to be at this point.  For fun, I sat back and read fellow bloggers' posting for enjoyment.  As you will probably notice I've even played around with the formatting to this blog.  Now I sit twiddling my thumbs trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my day.  Of course, this day off and thumb twiddling could come to screeching halt with a telephone call...in this instant, I am free with options to do what I WANT to do rather than have to do.  This is honestly a rare occasion. 

What do I do?  Hm, a hot bubble bath and a novel?  Scrapbook? Do the dishes or laundry (Ugh, what a waste of free time)?  Garden or turn the compost pile?  The options are unlimited.  How many of us have said...if I only had the time?  I've got it!  I think I'll blog about twiddling my thumbs. And there you have it.

GI2GB

I've often been asked how it is I do what I do...juggle like a mad woman.  I tend to be a multi-faceted, multitasking kind of gal and have been my whole life.  Of course, this has not been done easily.

In the past I have juggled two full-time jobs, a spouse, a very large extended family, full time classes, and my five children with all their extra baggage, ie ballet, band, this or that function etc. (now I include their spouses and children into the mix so it's a trade off.) 

Today, (I cut back when I turned fifty...sort of)I juggle two part-time careers in ministry work and  college professor, but I'm also  a part time college student, author, mother, grandmother, and caregiver for not one, but three people dear to me- my spouse who is terminally ill, my 24-year old daughter with an inoperable brain tumor, and my 91-year old father-in-law with Alzheimers.

I seem to have the ability to shuck off concerns to the point where I seem stressless.  In truth, I feel stress just like everyone else does. I have days where the world crashes in on me, just like people around the world. I just act on it differently.  That's where today's blog comes from.  It is my GI2GB.

I can't admit to creating this, but I can say it has been successful in my life for seven years.  I can't even tell you where I got this idea from because it was one of fw:fw:fw infinity type emails someone sent me years ago.  Have I peaked your interest yet?

It is my Give It 2 God Box.  The principle behind it is so simple, but when used correctly, the results are surprising.  Mine is really nothing more than a plastic box I keep at my bedside with a slit in the top.  It can be anything, a salt box, a shoe box, or whatever.  I will warn you.  This can be addicting in a most heavenly way.

The premise is simple also.  Whenever you reach the end of your rope and feel like there is nothing that will fix XYZ problem, you write it down on a piece of paper and you put it in the box.  Yes, most of us will pray, but there is nothing tangible in prayer.  Believe me, I am not knocking prayer, because I spend hours in prayer every day.  This is a prayer with a tangible action, since most people respond better when they feel they are actually doing something about a problem which overwhelms them.

Now, let's be honest, quite a few of us give our problems to God and then continue worrying about it and trying to figure out solutions, etc.  Quit that!  If a problem is bad enough to be put in the GI2GB, then why in the world would you want to play indian-giver and take it back??? If it is so mind boggling a problem and you have looked to every other resource to solve it and found none, give it to God and forget about it.  Let God be God.

Have you ever watched a toddler who wants a cookie on the table and was told he couldn't have it?  The toddler inches his way over to it, and then his little fingers stretch out to grab it...all the time looking over his shoulder to see if his parents are looking.  Now, think of your prayers, are you this toddler?  You gave the problem to God, and then wiggle your way back to the problem?  Raise your hand, you indian-giver, you!

Okay, now you've decided to give this box a try.  You cut the slit into the top of the box.  You go out and buy some special little notepad to write your problems on. This is not necessary, I've written some of mine on napkins.  You've got a problem you want to give to God.  For me, it's my husband, daughter, and father-in-law.  I have no control over the outcome and it really irks me, at least for today.  Tomorrow will be another set of insurmountable problems.

Sorry, I got sidetracked.  I write the problem on the piece of paper and put it in the box and forget about it.  It's amazing. I've done an action to solve a problem when I didn't think there was anything to fix it.  By doing an action against your problem you reduce your stress, but more importantly it is a step in faith.  Now this is the hard part...forget about it, because you have given it to God and let God work.  DO NOT OPEN THE BOX.

Now pick a time frame, for me it is a year,  a New Year's Day event.  Remember, God's time is not your time.  Open the box. Yes, I said open it. Now take out all those pieces of paper.  Read each one.  Make two piles- one for those that have been answered or do not apply anymore, and the other for those not answered.  The pile of unanswered messages go back in the box for the next year...they need to cook a while longer.  Remember it's God's time, not yours.  For those that no longer apply or have been answered, write on the back how it was answered or why it no longer applied.  I actually keep a journal of these.

Would it surprise you that over 98% of my pieces of paper went into the answered or no longer applied pile?  All the added stress that I lost by just giving it to God.  Oh, and don't forget to thank Him for the answered ones.  Be faithful unto the Lord.

Reflections on Parenting

I had an opportunity to reviews my parenting skills this past week.  I laid in a hospital bed after my heart to try a few new steps in its usual tap dance.  I had almost forty-eight hours to do nothing but lay there and count the many spots on the ceiling.  I started thinking about how I raised my children and what was the hardest part short of burying one of your own.  Been there, done that and don't particularly want to do that again.  All my children are grown now and in their own little worlds of parenting in various cycles.

The hardest part is not when your child is sick, as most would think, or raising teenagers.  It is allowing them to make their own decisions in their lives.  Whether it is the wrong decision (by my accounting) or right one.  Allowing them to learn from their mistakes.  I know you are shaking your head and saying wait a minute...it's a parent's job to protect your children.  It is after all a mother's job.  I've watched my children go through some of trials of life, which I have experienced, and it would be so easy to tell them not to take this road or that road.

The self-help aisles of bookstores are full of parenting guidelines, and how-to books.  All these are readily available, but nothing beats experience even hurtful ones.  I often wonder whether I have done right by my children by allowing them to make their own beds to lie on.  Part of me says yes, it was the right thing to do, but my mother's heart cries out how I should have helped them and protected them better.

A very recent discussion with my oldest daughter comes to mind about one of her sisters.  Why is her younger sibling staying in her marriage instead of leaving her husband?  I simply pulled from my stash of lessons I learned the hard way and explained it to her.  The reason her sister has not left her husband is fear of the unknown.  She knows what she has with her husband...good, bad, indifferent.  Until she reaches the point of of where what she has in her current relationship is more harmful or unbearable than her fear of what the unknown of leaving and raising her children on her own, she is not ready to take the next step.  Nobody can make this decision for her.  Only she knows how much she can bear and what will tip the scales in this momumental decision she makes.

Now, in my mother's heart I want to go to my child and tell her no matter what momma is here and love you no matter what your decision is.  The old momma will kiss it and make it better routine.  They are some decisions in life that momma can not kiss away.  Your children will experience heart ache, your children will be scared, your children will have dozens of experiences in life which you can not control.  Sad as the thought may be, it is true.

The same is true about another incident this past month.  My youngest had a miscarriage.  I wanted to run to her side the moment she called and be with her.  But I also understood this was something she and her significant other had to work through as one of those tough times in any relationship.  I called several times over the course of the day to see how she was doing.  She would not answer the phone, but would text me that she was okay. I texted her back asking her why did not answer my calls.  She answered back in text that she did not want to talk to me. 

I understood this as her way of coping with her tragic event.  Personally, I was hurt and hurting for my daughter, but in my sage wisdom I let it go knowing she would call and talk to me when she was ready.  Very hard decision for me to accept.  She did eventually call me and we talked on the phone for several hours.  Was I a bad parent? As mothers usually do I second guess myself constantly.  Ah tis, the mother's lot and heavy to bear.

So I lay in that blasted hospital bed, unable to move because of monitors, IV lines, blood pressure cuff, etc and thought about my children.  I think I've done okay by them overall.  Being a mother is never an easy job.  But it is a way of God teaching us patience, trust, and letting God be God.  All of us make mistakes and make ammends, it is after all life.

Time to Say Goodbye

Some of my most precious memories are of having the ablilty of saying goodbye to a loved one before they died.  This past week, although difficult, was another instance. My husband is terminally ill with cancer and had a seven-year battle with the disease. He is exhausted from the fight and is ready both physically and spiritually to go Home. He announced to all of our family this past Christmas that this would be his last physical Christmas with all of us. We have watched his steady decline and fight for years, but we all knew this time would come. Are you ever really ready to say goodbye?

 This week my husband's brother and his wife came to town...his brother and sisters live all over the U.S. Although my husband's energy level only allowed a few short hours with them, they told stories of long ago, and shared the love they had for each other. I listened and watched as the hours unfolded. This was their time. At the end when it was time for another dose of morphine, my brother and sister-in-law hugged him tight and said goodbye. Each of them knowing this would probably be the last time they saw him alive.

Over the next couple of weeks each of his sisters will be in town to see him. This time is so precious. All time is precious. Each moment is a memory made and it might be our last. Make the most of each second you have. I have been writing a nonfiction of our journey titled, "To Have and Let Go." It is incomplete for the time being. I'm not sure how it will end. But all too soon I will. It's about living with a dying soul mate. The trials, the joys, the tears, and the ability to say goodbye.

So how do you say goodbye? It's a moment by moment event. It's a smile. It's a caress. It's laughter, and it's tears. Each one may be the last time you experience it and each one is a cherished event.

New Years Resolutions and started a new novel

Yes, like most of you I made resolutions for the coming year. Like most of you writers it was to complete yadayadaya novel, book, article etc. For me it was to start a new novel. . Right now, the working title is "Engineering Death," but this will change.

This brings me to a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Where do the seeds of novels come from. The pat answer is from your imagination. Yes, that's true, but what spurns your imagination for the new kernel of an idea for a novel. To be honest, I sat at my computer for days surfing the net for odd and interesting news bits in an effort to jog my imagination. Nothing worked. Now understand I write all genres of fiction except romance to keep my imagination going full tilt.

The lightning struck as a remembered a conversation I had with my husband about the latest conspiracy theories. Not that we believe them...they are entertaining and stretches the "what if" factor. Then a few days later a discussion appeared in Books and Writers Forum about genetically engineered pigs.

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. I know, I know, science fiction and fantasy along these lines have been written to death, but people still read them.  If nothing else, the ideas that were popping into my head were amazing images of every fantasy/science fiction picture I'd ever seen in my life. What woud future people be like? What would be their environment? What impact of the present day bio engineering have on future generations? Then memories of the TV reality show "The Colony" popped up and the light bulb went from a 25-watt to 100-watts as I was brainstorming as fast as I could. I've spent the last twenty-four hours on an eretheral high just brainstorming out this novel.  It's a futuristic look at the long term possible effects of this new science boon. Wow! Can you tell I'm excited?